Safety Series Part 3 of 4: Wild Bill’s Personal and Home Security Tricks
April 30, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
As part of my series on safety, I would like to feature some of the thoughts by renowned security expert, “Wild” Bill Stanton, of Today Show fame, who came to speak to us in Houston at my EO event. He mentioned a lot of basic tips that I thought I would share with you in list format:
1. When using your cell phone, do not put your personal information on there like your social security number, etc. Obviously if you do or even if you don’t, Passcode protect it. I immediately passcode protected my phone after I heard that.
2. On social networking sites like Facebook, don’t have your birth year listed because an entire birthdate and a mother’s maiden name slipped out can give identity thefts a lot of tools that they could easily use against you.
3. This may be obvious, but never give out personal information when someone is calling you. However, if you call the number on the back of your credit card and they require security information, that should be safe to do. Just not when a random voice is calling you.
4. Eliminate your GPS “home” button in your car because it leads your robber right back to your home with a free pass through the gate and garage door effortlessly. Along those lines, lock the door between your house and your garage and always, always, always set the alarm.
5. Make sure your doors are of the highest quality to withstand someone trying to kick it down. Make sure all windows and doors are locked at ALL TIMES.
6. Make sure that you do not have any kids’ toys lying around the yard that could attract pedophile predators.
7. Be extra careful on nights with storms because there are so many false entries that the police can’t handle the calls so burglars tend to like these chaotic times to make their way in. But remember, they can break in at any time and can look and dress like anyone. Be on the alert.
I hope these tips were helpful for you. Let me know if you like them or if you have more tips of your own. Tomorrow we cover vacation safety. I thought those were great tips from Wild Bill.
Safety Series Part 2 of 4: Child Safety 2 (The Internet)
April 29, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
To conclude our two part series on child safety and as part of our larger series on safety, let’s focus on sex offenders’ #1 avenue of approaching your children now, the Internet. As everyone knows, the Internet is one of the most amazing resources out there (as I am using its technology to spread this message to you right now), but it is also one of the most potentially lethal ones in the wrong hands. I would like to thank Tony Pompa who attended the weekend EO event and who shared with me his tricks to helping keep his children safe. He said that he switched his children’s computer access over to Macintoshes because of the unparalleled filters and controls that he could use to protect his children.
Let me publish the Texas Center for the Missing’s Internet safety tips for parents that I think are really good:
1. Establish rules for Internet use including what sites can your child visit, who can they talk to, how long are they allowed online, clearly defining when and where they can use a computer, and keep these house rules posted near the computer.
2. Keep the computer in a common room (not the child’s bedroom).
3. Discuss the importance of telling you and or a trusted adult if anything ever makes your child or teen feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused while online.
4. Communicate: prepare yourself beforehand; talk openly with your kids and teens; keep cool and be cool so that they confide in you; warn your children about the risks of myspace.com and other social networking sites.
5. Be informed: learn how to set parental controls; know how to check history files (if the history is clear, that is a red flag); use the Internet to identify predators and warn your children: www.nsopr.gov.
6. Limit your child’s use of instant messaging. Excessive IM’ing can be dangerous.
7. Consider safeguarding options: blocking/filtering/rating. Visit www.thetexascenter.org/internetsafety.asp. Create an email/user name that indicates you are law enforcement and have that “persona” be accepted as a friend on your child’s MySpace or Facebook page.
8. Report suspicious persons or websites: notify law enforcement; use cybertipline at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (1-800-843-5678 or www.cybertipline.com)
9. Know with whom your children chat online.
10. Check your children’s email address for appropriateness.
11. Don’t post your child’s email address in ANY directory.
12. Always read a web site’s privacy policy: don’t unsubscribe to unwanted email; don’t sign up for free things.
13. Don’t forward email to everyone in your address book.
14. Talk to your children about what personal information is and why it should never be given out.
15. Make sure children only exchange email with people they know and let them use chat areas you supervise.
16. Make sure you are aware of any other places your child may be using the Internet such as a friend’s house, school, or the library.
17. Show your children how to turn off the monitor (but not the computer) when something or someone makes them feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused and REPORT!
Another disturbing trend is something I heard of for the first time “sexting”. This refers to when an individual uses text messaging to deliver a nude photograph of himself/herself that despite whatever privacy that individual thinks he or she is using can trigger an arrest on the receiver’s end if the sender is underage. For more in-depth information on Internet Safety Programs, check out presentations based on the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s NetSmartz Program at www.netsmartz.com.
Safety Series Part 1 of 4: Child Safety 1
April 28, 2009 by dr. lam · 13 Comments
I just got back over the weekend from an intense, reinvigorating weekend in Houston at EO Texas Roundup, which I have attended since its inception the past 3 years. However, this year was the most amazing and rewarding that I have ever experienced with 14 lecturers and back-to-back social events that blew my mind including a yachting adventure and a dinner at the Ferrari dealership along with live bands almost every night including at the House of Blues Foundation Room. Most of the weekend was focused on business growth but Sunday’s sessions were dedicated to personal growth with a theme toward safety. We had some great speakers so I thought I would highlight some of the major themes that I learned that I could pass along to you.
Although I am not a parent yet, I think any parent would be focused on child safety from predators and how do we help our children remain safe. Even if you are not or no longer a parent of a small child, pass this blog along to anyone you know who is and would benefit from it. Who knows maybe we all can save just one life from molestation, abuse, or death.
This is such an important topic that I am pre-empting a larger series coming up next week. Plus, my tenant and buddy Michael Solberg is complaining my blog series are getting too long so before I get very in-depth next week at least I can appeal to him and my many faithful readers who desire a shorter blog series. Child safety is such a huge topic that I will divide it into two parts. Today we will cover some basics and tomorrow we will finish with Internet safety for kids, which is the most favorite fishing place for predators today. If you think your children are safe, they’re not.
Let’s begin with some of the scariest statistics. There are between 600,000 to 800,000 children who are reported missing each year in the United States. 80% are runaways; 10 to 15% are victims of family abductions; 5 to 10% are victims of “non-family or acquaintance” abductions; and only fewer than 1% are victims of random, stranger abductions. So before we talk about how to keep our children away from unknown predators, we first must begin at home. Are our children happy or prone to become a runaway? Once they have run away from home, they can only survive on the streets as prostitutes or drug dealers if they are underage. That is a sad story but a reality. Second, beware of a family member who tries to use a child as a pawn in a family squabble. This is actually the second most common cause of child abduction. One of the big things that I learned is that if you have a family friend or acquaintance who somehow is just too interested in your children compared with you, that may signal a pedophile. Do not put your child in the care of that person. Please reread the last 2 sentences if that is not sufficiently clear. Then reread it again: if someone is just too interested in your children, they may be a pedophile. Only 1% of victims are taken by strangers.
Now let’s focus on the preventable 1%. One thing that I learned was a great mnemonic: SAFE that we should have all of our kids learn and relearn.
Say- Say where you are going and with whom you are going. Always have your kids tell you where they are going.
Alone- Never allow your kids to go anywhere alone. They should always play with friends as there is safety with numbers. If they find themselves alone, encourage them to get into a group so that they are not alone.
Free/Fooling- Don’t let your kids take anything free. ROLE PLAY with them over and over so that they can respond in these situations and know when to recognize them. Most often a predator will ask the child for some kind of help. Tell your child that no adult would ask a child for any help to do anything. Children ask adults for help. Adults do not ask children. Also, never take anything free from an adult: no candies, puppies, balloons, etc.
Escape- Run, yell, and tell. Do not get close to the adult. Do not get into the car. Run and get help from a trusted adult.
One thing I learned from someone I met over the weekend which I would like to give credit to, Amy Power, is to have a code word with your child so that if your child asks the adult what the code word is and the adult does not know it, that adult is unsafe. Nice advice.
If your child becomes missing, do not spend 2 to 3 hours calling your neighbors and friends to see if your child is at their house. Call 911 and get help even outside of the police. It is a known fact that 76% of children are found dead if not found within the first 3 hours. There are ways to get help outside of the police. Police resources are simply not strong enough by themselves. The Amber Alert system was named after Amber Hagerman who was found too late in Texas in 1996 and now has become a part of a nationwide effort to catch predators and save children’s lives. Using an emergency broadcast system, the Amber Alert can be a critical way to participate in helping save others’ children but also yours when the time comes. For more information, contact www.amber-plan.net.
Also, know your neigbhors (www.nsopr.gov, www.sexoffender.com). Frighteningly the average sex offender abuses 117 children BEFORE HIS FIRST ARREST. Make sure that your children role play with you to avoid dangerous situations. Also, be aware of potential sex offenders in your area. Another great tip is make sure you keep up-to-date, clear photos of your child. Many times, the alert goes out with no accurate posting of your child’s photo. In the digital age, that is inexcusable. Know where your children’s medical and dental records are, and keep them in a place that you and your spouse will remember the location. Develop your family’s missing child response plan before you need it. Download the plan at
Tcftm.org/pdfs/missing_child_response_plan.pdf
I am proud of my association with the Collin County Children’s Advocacy Center and will be supporting them at this year’s auction on May 16. For more information on resources if your child is missing, contact the Texas Center for the Missing, and contact them immediately when your child is missing rather than waiting several hours (have this phone # ready: 713.599.0235). I hope none of us ever have this happen to our families. Preparation, training, and knowledge will help us avoid many potential pitfalls that may save our children’s lives, hearts, and bodies. If you have any resources, thoughts, or anything that you can share that could be helpful, please do so in these comments. Again, please share this blog with any friend or family member who has a child under 18 years of age. I believe this is one of the most important blogs that I have ever written.
Monday Meditations Part 1: Breath Meditation
April 27, 2009 by dr. lam · 11 Comments
I have now included a daily meditation into my ritual, and I thought I would share it with you. We will explore each Monday a new meditation to start the week and which would be great for those who are interested to continue that meditation forward throughout the week. As you can see, I have not put a total number of parts as I usually would do because I simply do not know how many meditations I will create. We’ll let that be an organic process.
Perhaps before we start we have to establish what is meditation and why do it. Meditation is not what you do when you are asleep. Instead, you are fully awake, preferably in a seated position where your mind is intensely focused but also at ease. Your eyes may be closed or open depending on the exercise but for most of these, they will be shut. Meditation is a combination of concentration (focus) and mindfulness (awareness and presence). The question is why bother? Is it just a waste of time? I truly believe not.
Meditation can calm one’s jittered nerves, lower blood pressure, aid in digestion, and clear the mind. It can set the intention for the day and the week so that you begin your day in such a way that you are setting your mind forward in the right direction. You guide your unconscious thoughts in a direction that you want to take them. That is a rather appropriate comment considering that we will be exploring the unconscious over the next 2 months only punctuated by these Monday Meditations. This week we will do a short series that I think all of you need to know about, but you will see what it is tomorrow.
The best way to meditate is to find the same time each day (many prefer the morning to set their intention for the entire day but also many prefer late afternoon or evening or bedtime. It does not matter) that way it becomes integrated into your ritual. I prefer morning before I go to work. In an ideal world, it is recommended to meditate 45 minutes to an hour. For me, that is simply not feasible. I only meditate about 10 minutes a day. It is also recommended that you find the same place, preferably an area that you will not be easily disturbed. You can even set a timer so that you fulfill your time obligation without peeking at how much time you have already spent.
I will try to accompany most of these meditation exercises with a video in which I help guide you in your meditation. Today’s video and exercise involves the most fundamental of all meditation exercises which is a focus on your breath and breathing. You should be only mindful of your breathing, both the inhalation and the exhalation. I have used this fundamental exercise to calm my nervous patients before procedures, after procedures, as well as whenever I can sense that life has gotten them in a wrangled knot. Try to set a time aside to engage in meditation, maybe even 3 times a week. It will help you in your personal growth and desire to achieve a deeper sense of inner peace. Namaste.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 20 of 20: Living Without Resentments
April 24, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The 79th Verse:
After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.
What can one do about it?
Being content with what you have
is always best in the end.
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,
or hostility will never turn to goodwill.
So the wise always gives without expecting gratitude.
One with true virtue
always seeks a way to give.
One who lacks true virtue
always seeks a way to get.
To the giver comes the fullness of life;
to the taker, just an empty hand.
This dichotomy of the world between givers and takers is a wonderful way to see the universe and how you fit in it. When I begin each day, I hope for the chance to help heal someone emotionally, physically, or both. My mission is to give. Too often when a plastic surgeon looks at a patient, he sees a potential source of revenue, i.e., to take. I love the idea that each patient that I have can be a recipient of my giving and not a conduit for me to make more money. Yes, of course, plastic surgery is my business, but I look at my life’s mission as something truly deeper and more profound.
In addition, this verse talks about how we can harbor resentment after a quarrel because we end quarrels with a mutually negative termination. We refuse to give up a position, and we must put our ego on the offensive and the defensive. We believe we have the right to be upset because of someone else’s actions or words. I like what Dyer says, “Make this your standard response to any future altercations: I end on love, no matter what!” As stated in Lao-Tzu’s other verses, we should return kindness for any unkindness that we receive. By being a giver and openly giving of ourselves, especially our love, we simply let go of ego so that no conflicts arise in front of us and therefore resentment never builds.
Today, don’t start a conflict. If a conflict is started, look for ways to end it with kindness and love. Rather than be angry at the world, be loving. Rather than to take from others today, look for ways to give of yourself without the expectation of gratitude or praise.
I hope all of you have enjoyed and learned as much from this masterful book of 81 verses as I have. This month-long meditation has been filtered through Dyer then filtered again through me. I chose only 20 of the 81 verses that had personal resonance for me and that I thought would be helpful for all of you as well. I encourage all of you to read the Tao Te Ching in full and perhaps select your own verses that can help you with your daily life. These verses are the ones that I needed to learn from and wanted to share with you.