Emotional Freedom Part 8 of 17: The Second Emotional Type, The Empath
July 24, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The empath has many qualities that are quite the opposite of the intellectual. This individual possesses many positive qualities such as being able to relate with others’ emotions well and being intuitive with many circumstances. Many times people come to them for support and nurture, which they readily provide and do so well. They work with their feelings like a fine tuned instrument.
However, the downside for an empath is that the empath can be easily overloaded, feel anxious and depressed. They have a hard time saying no to people’s requests. They feel tense in a crowded place and can be emotionally drained at the end of the day or after spending time with others. Orloff believes that many individuals who are considered to suffer from chronic fatigue may be mislabeled empaths. Many empaths cannot easily handle criticism, as they are overly sensitive. Sometimes, they are so emotional that they have hard times determining boundaries for their emotions with others and therefore may be less developed in their cohabitation skills and may remain single because of it.
If you have some or most of these traits, then Orloff offers ways to combat the negative attributes while preserving the good features. First, enlist your intellect. Use your logic that may not be a typical way for you to respond by saying, “I can handle this situation” and then breaking it down into how you will do so. Allow yourself quiet time away from all the noise. Either step outside into the fresh air for a time alone, especially during a bustling work day. Or, what Orloff (who is a self-proclaimed empath) likes to do is to go to a public bathroom and then just meditate for a few minutes. She contends that public bathrooms are the only areas of sanctioned spaces for solace and respite. Practice what she calls “guerilla meditation” meaning that you counter the emotional overload by finding a private place to close your eyes to decompress and to lower your expectations for yourself. Focus on the exhalation to release all of the low energy vibrations and to get yourself less worried and at peace. Outside of meditation, she says recall your five most emotionally rattling experiences and figure out a plan to avoid them again. Learn to say “No.” As she says, “No” is a complete sentence and a complete response. No explanation beyond that is required. If you are overwhelmed in a social environment, have your own means of transportation to leave that situation before you become agitated or flustered. Before entering a crowd, eat a high-protein meal beforehand to ground you and sit at the periphery or aisle of the theatre or party, not the dead center. Carve out private space in your home where you can retreat when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Although I myself am very empathic with others, I do not share many of the negative attributes of this emotion but have some friends who now I recognize in them these characteristics. I think what is wonderful is that even if we are not a certain type of individual we can help recognize who is and not put that person in a vulnerable situation and also teach that person strategic mechanisms to avoid the situation to begin with.
Emotional Freedom Part 7 of 17: Knowing Your Type, The Intellectual
July 23, 2009 by dr. lam · 3 Comments
In order to respond to the world’s problems and/or to live life to the fullest, we all must know how we see the world around us. Dr. Orloff breaks us down into four major types, which we will explore over the next few days. By knowing what type we are, we can then see where are strengths are but more importantly find out where our limited world view is cramping us and how to free ourselves from that limitation.
The first emotional type that she discusses is the intellecutal. This individual is very cerebral, as the name implies, usually using the functions from the neck up to answer problems. They cannot handle individuals who are overly emotional and cannot relate to others well emotionally. They are thinkers. They weigh an issue with pros and cons before making a decision. There is no gut decision about anything. They just figure out what they need to do by pure logic, which typically is a very well developed skill set.
For the intellectual, their true weakness is their emotional skills. They have a difficult time connecting the mind to the body. In order to overcome this weakness, Orloff suggests yoga and meditation. Yeah! That is what I suggest for myself and all too. Starting with breath exercises, the intellectual can move away from the purely intellectual habit of thinking and to focus on the sensation of breathing. By using meditation, the intellectual can begin to sense the world rather than think the world. This exercise is vital for me, who has intellectual tendencies but interestingly I am not this type or am not anymore (as I will mention in a moment). The second exercise is yoga. Since yoga requires deep mental concentration to perform, it can stimulate the center of the intellectual’s mind but also free himself/herself from the habit of thinking. As I perform yoga no matter what clouds my mind before entering the room, I can think of nothing else but my poses during the session. Yoga can link the mind and the body during the session and cultivate this linking that can hopefully translate into one’s daily world existence. Finally, the last thing and perhaps the most important is for the intellectual to empathize. Start with the heart and say the simple words, “I know how you are feeling.” With the intention set at the level of the heart, the intellectual can gradually free himself/herself from the shackles of one’s own intellectual qualities.
In the past, I used to adore Ayn Rand for her intellectual prose and world view. I thought emotions were a crippling element but today I realize that I am much more empathic than I would have otherwise believed a few years ago. These blogs are a method for me to express my emotions and thoughts in well, an intellectual way. I guess we all can share some commonalities of different emotional types. I know I certainly do.
Emotional Freedom Part 6 of 17: Unleashing Your Dreams
July 22, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
Like Dr. Maxwell Maltz, Dr. Orloff is a big fan of the unconscious mind. She believes that our dreams are a central pathway by which we can tap into this energy that we shortly thereafter abruptly dismiss or more routinely forget. Her chapter on this subject is so very rich that I am of course doing a disservice by abridging it here. I encourage motivated readers to obtain her book and read through the thoughts and practices that she suggests in this chapter. But here are the key elements that I gleaned and want to pass along.
First, we must recognize the power of dreams and of the time that we are in a restful repose. We must condition our environment to be adequately soothing to attain the needed information free of distracting sounds, smells, temperature fluctuations, or other physical encumbrances. Then, we must prepare our mind to be receptive for what we are about to receive. Like Maltz has extolled in his book, Psycho-Cybernetics, we can pose a question in this case a question that we want answered before we go to sleep and set the intention to receive the answer to our query. Finally, when we awaken we must be prepared to remember then analyze the message. Too often, our active, alert minds move quickly into our daily routines and we forget our dreams within seconds of awakening. We switch off our message centers. What she recommends is a bedside journal for our dreams that we record immediately upon reflecting upon the dream even if it is in the middle of the night. She cautions an abrupt awakening in the morning but one that is gradual in nature when our minds can be more fertile in remembering our previous night’s jaunts.
She also believes that so-called nightmares reflect a persistent anxiety on our part that if left ignored will both become a recurring theme in our daily lives as well as one in our nightly sojourns. Therefore, we should confront the message of the nightmare as a means to deliver us from its constraints and move us toward emotional freedom. These tools that she suggests are nothing short of brilliant and can be easily incorporated into one’s nightly rituals, as I am planning to do myself.
Emotional Freedom Part 5 of 17: The Psychology Behind Emotions
July 21, 2009 by dr. lam · 6 Comments
This is the fourth “secret” that Orloff describes in getting in touch with our own emotional condition so that we can harness the best of ourselves and dismiss the worst. What she means by psychology in this circumstance is the reasons behind why we do what we do and think what we think. There is oftentimes a psychological impetus for our behavior based on certain programming and conditioning that we are subjected to as we grow up…what Don Miguel Ruiz refers to as domestication.
In light of that, Orloff asks her readership to delve into the positive and negative aspects that have been imparted to oneself from parents. We oftentimes can take the best from our parents as well as the worst aspects. Separating all of that out can help us sort through what we should preserve and what we should remove from our lives. She notes that sometimes an individual acts exactly the opposite way of a parent’s coping mechanism in order to distance himself/herself from the parent. This may not always be beneficial either.
She tells the story of Connie, a 23-year-old single working mother, who was a victim of child abuse herself, who passed on that legacy to her children through uncontrolled, violent behavior that she deemed “sickening” but could not resist her actions. With repeated attempts, she failed to disengage. It took recognizing the psychological impetus for her actions and then going through psychological therapy that offered fruitful mechanisms to perform when stressed to help her to fully relinquish her cyclical behavior. Unlike Maxwell Maltz who believes that we can arrive at our destination without regard to our past, Orloff believes that it can be enlightening and instructive..
Some of the negative attributes that i attained from my father was his righteous anger about certain behavior but I have learned to let that go. However, I was able to also take his great humor and love for life. My mother carries with her anxiety about many things, which I am learning to let go (as is she) but she has tremendous compassion and love for others. I hope that by seeing where I have come from that I can celebrate the best of my parents and relinquish any of their foibles, as we all have.
Mindfulness Mondays 8: Be Like Water
July 20, 2009 by dr. lam · 9 Comments
Returning to an old favorite of mine, the Tao Te Ching, we can learn from the oft repeated image used throughout the book of water and the exhortation to be like water. Throughout the Tao, Lao-Tzu repeatedly uses metaphors and similes from nature to convey a deeper spiritual meaning. His most frequent image is of water, the ubiquitous element on our privileged planet.
Water flows easily and naturally. It adapts to its surroundings like molding easily into a container or vessel. It nourishes and sustains the body. It has force not through force but through non-force. Over time it makes inroads into whatever direction it travels, permanently etching the landscape in the direction it moves. It has a gentle presence but a sustained movement that cannot be retarded.
All of these elements of water we can assume as we hold an image this week of what we want to be, i.e., our intention. When we become like water, we do not force things through force of will but through persistence and flow of energy, we arrive at where we need to be. We easily and effortlessly adapt to our surroundings. We flow our bodies through a seamless energy that affects all of those who are around us.
As you focus your intention this week, hold the image of a powerful yet gentle force of rolling and flowing water, and be like water.
namaste,
sml