Broken Open Part 1 of 8: Once- and Twice-Born Lives
September 9, 2009 by dr. lam
Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open, has had subtle but profound implications on how I see the world. Lesser’s book can be best summarized in her opening quote, “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” The image of the flower with restrained and constrained petals on the brink of blossoming is at once beautiful and cogent to her message. All of us on our life’s journey are moving toward a destination but how we lead that life can be the most important thing. When we allow ourselves to take risks and to open our hearts and our minds we can be broken open to blossom, to mature, and to grow, and to be new beings in the process.
She uses a phrase from the poet William James to capture the idea of two kinds of people, so-called “once born” and “twice born”. Once born individuals live life with a certain, prescribed path. They never veer from their structured direction whether or not that direction is fulfilling for them or worthy of their life’s endeavor. She mixes James’ imagery with the famous Italian poet Dante Alighieri’s metaphor of the “dark forest”. She says that “once born” individuals follow their life’s pathway and when they come near to the edge of the dark forest, they turn away and go back onto assured footing. The “twice born” will penetrate the dark forest, meander through an uncertain pathway, and emerge on the other side a new being, better than their half lived lives before they entered.
She cautions the liberal use of the reductionist terms “once born” and “twice born” as being categories that may evoke elitism for any twice born individual to claim superiority over someone who is once born. Being broken open is not a necessity for growth but one that may facilitate a more profound level of growth, those things could be a loss of a job, loss of a loved one, a crippling physical handicap, etc. When we are broken, we can use that adversity not to break us down but to break us open, to facilitate our growth and be the catalyst for change.
For example, I have always wanted to be a doctor. I refined that idea by wanting to be a head and neck surgeon. Then I refined that idea by wanting to be a facial plastic surgeon. Then I refined that idea by wanting to be a hair transplant surgeon in addition to being a facial plastic surgeon. As I marched down this steady pathway I was never broken open. I never changed jobs or moved toward another position in my life. Does that mean that I am a lesser person for being “once born” in my career? Obviously not.
In my personal life, my father was stricken with a debilitating illness that left him finally unable to walk and to see only out of one eye at the remainder of his life in addition to being in constant pain and discomfort. I was broken open by my father’s experience and so was he. From my dad’s condition, I have become more sensitive to others’ suffering and have made it my life’s mission to heal and to help others through my work.
We all can grow, change, and live through adversity by seeing our adversity as a vehicle for our own personal change. We have talked a lot in previous blogs about the power of an adverse event to be a wonderful blessing if we change our attitude and our gratitude toward it.
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I really really liked this blog post!! Thanks, Dr. Lam!!
thanks heather! this will be an interesting series!