Psycho-Cybernetics Part 6 of 30: Creating the Right Self-Image
May 13, 2009 by dr. lam · 5 Comments
When we talk about using our imagination, we may begin to believe that we are creating a false self image simply to delude ourselves that we are actually better than we say we are. That is not the case. Too often we hold an image of ourselves that must have relational value to those around us. I am inferior to you because… Perhaps I am a good surgeon but I am a terrible golfer. Does that mean I should look down at myself because of my poor golfing abilities? Obviously, no. We are almost always superior or inferior to someone else’s skills in a certain activity but that should not matter when we develop our self image.
We are striving to find our real selves not a fabricated one. We oftentimes short change ourselves and feel that we are inferior because of certain something or another. Maltz argues that there is no such thing as a superiority complex because someone who feels superior is most likely covering their own inferiority about something. We must escape our own self sabotage by envisioning where we want to be using a visualization exercise through a mental movie we talked about.
Focus vividly and concretely in your mind where you want to be in life. Sometimes it is easier to have your image projected on a movie screen that you are watching. Then for 30 minutes a day watch this movie and fill in all the details so that it becomes seemingly reality. Rather than force of will (which is our conscious mind), use your imagination so that your unconscious mind will begin to take over and effortlessly fulfill what you desire to be. Creating the right self image means first eliminating all of your false beliefs. More about that coming up.
——————————————————————————–
***NEWS FLASH***
I was featured on Channel 33 9 pm News last night. For those interested, here is the video segment entitled “Facial Fillers: The New Face of Hollywood, Patients Flock To North Dallas For Procedure”:
Story of the Week: Healing
January 23, 2009 by dr. lam · 3 Comments
It’s been close to a month since my last story of the week, but finally here is another story. I believe all of my patients’ stories are real and worthy. That is why I have created a section in the forum of this website for patients to tell their own story: the story of how LFP has affected them (patient submitted testimonials) and what they love in life (tell me about your passions). This is a story that has profoundly shaken me and reinvigorated me.
I had one of the nicest ladies come to me a couple of weeks ago who was going through a divorce and other major life changes. She told me that she had kept an ad of mine for quite some time before deciding to come in. She was clearly shaken a bit and nervous. I reassured her that she would be fine and that I would not waste her money or time and would do the right thing for her whatever her decision might be. She said she trusted me, and we talked a bit about life philosophy and healing. I truly felt compassion for her as a human being first without the imposed barriers of gender, race, etc.
She decided on some Restylane treatments, which were within her budget, and I was able to focus on small areas of aging to get her tear troughs, anterior cheek, and anterior chin balanced and looking good. I saw her as I usually do a week later to photograph the improvement and to make sure I could answer any of her questions. In the photography room, her hands were shaking and she had multiple post-it notes and note cards where she was composing her testimonial about what I had done for her. She apologized that English was not her first language so she needed time to compose her thoughts. I said the words did not matter as much as her expression of them. I was in tears as she was during her reading of her testimonial to me. I showed her the before-and-after photograph comparison, and we were both elated with the improvement.
She then told me the most profound words that I have heard in a long while. Paraphrasing a bit, she said, “I was about a year from entering medical school to become a doctor when a mentor of mine whom I respected said these words to me, ‘A doctor heals bodies, and a teacher heals souls.’ So with those words, I became a teacher of little children, which I have never regretted. However, Dr. Lam, you have shown me that a doctor can heal both, and you have done that for me.”
I can say that I was on a very high cloud for the entire day and for several days thereafter. It gave me back once again a profound mission of why I have been put on this earth, and it far exceeds what I do as a plastic surgeon. That is why if you wonder if there is some kind of incongruity in a surgeon writing a lot of blogs on self-improvement, life philosophy, and life psychology, there really isn’t. I am not here just to fix faces. I am here hopefully to touch a life. Thank you Sylvia for touching mine.
Selling Confidence
December 31, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I just finished this book, The E Myth Revisited, that focused on why entrepreneurs succeed or fail. In the book, the author Michael Gerber talks about getting to the root “feeling” that you are delivering to a customer. He argues that a company oftentimes focuses on the fact that they are selling a certain type of widget but in fact that may not be what they are truly “selling”. He used Revlon as an example. He said that in Revlon ads, they focus on a certain dream of how beautiful someone will look after using their product, so they were not at its core in the cosmetic business but in the business of selling hope.
I thought to myself, “What is the core thing that I would love a patient to feel after I work on them?” I came up with a pretty quick answer: confidence. It is not pride or arrogance. It is not even vanity. Those have pejorative connotations and to be honest do not reflect the feeling that I want someone to feel. I can tell you certain points in my own life that my confidence soared: getting into an Ivy League college, getting into a competitive residency and then fellowship, getting my first book published. I also remember small things in appearance that boosted my confidence: the end of my acne years, getting nice looking glasses, a good hair cut, and nice clothing. Although these are peripherals to aesthetics, they are all part of a sense of self and a sense of confidence.
I really enjoy seeing the beauty of my work and how I see a patient smile broadly and carry himself or herself a little differently. I particularly like it when I see someone shy and reclusive become more gregarious and open spirited in public. I can see the transformation and the feeling I have is a great one. Of course, I am in the beauty business and in a larger sense the wellness industry but at the core feeling that I am “selling” is confidence. I hope that is the feeling you get when I have finished with my work for you.
Lincoln’s Buccal Zone
December 29, 2008 by dr. lam · 1 Comment
I routinely read the New York Times every morning and several weeks ago I came across this very interesting article concerning an art exhibition “One Life: The Mask of Lincoln” featuring two plaster casts of Abraham Lincoln as part of the celebration of his bicentennial year in 2009. The first plaster cast was made in 1860 when he was campaigning for the presidency and the second one made 5 years later in February 1865, just two months before he was assassinated — which reveal the nature of the aging process in stark relief.
Although there is a more corrugated appearance to the latter plaster cast, the volume loss of the face is unmistakable. Looking at both faces, the viewer can see that the face looks older despite the relative absence of wrinkles and gravity. Volume loss is the significant player here for aging in an unequivocal way.
Interestingly, what strikes me the most is the buccal zone, the area below the cheek bone. The scooping out of this area truly makes Lincoln look significantly older and already gives the middle-aged appearance of the earlier cast a wizened appearance. The buccal area is a zone that is so little appreciated and in my opinion is a critical area to focus on for rejuvenating the face. Obviously, this is not the case in every individual. Some individuals who are slightly heavier do not need buccal fat or Asians who have a rounder face certainly in many cases do not need buccal fat. However, I truly believe the buccal hollowing can be one of the most dramatic areas of aging that exists.
In my new book, Aging Face: The New Paradigm, coming out next year I have come up with a unique way of looking at the buccal area, subdividing it into 3 zones, which I have previewed in a lecture that I gave earlier this year in St. Louis. The central buccal zone is the area that we are all familiar with, the area that sits below the cheek bone and that we suck in when we suck our cheeks in. However, a refinement into thinking of the buccal area is that there is an area that is near the mouth that I call the medial buccal hollow that represents bone loss of the teeth that I also target in some individuals. The outer portion of the buccal area that lies immediately below the outer cheek bone and in front of the ear I call a “backfill” zone which I target with fat transfer to create a more uniform transition from the augmented cheek downward.
I think we are so focused on the “midface” (cheek) and the lower face (jawline and neck), we forget to look at the importance of the watershed region that is situated between the mid and lower faces. Remember that a youthful face has very few transition zones. I look at fat transfer as a way to unify areas of the face that have separated and to rejoin these areas. It is almost like airbrush work. In essence, that is how I apply artistic interpretation to facial aging and truly target the face for optimal rejuvenation. So those surgeons out there who suck out the buccal zone in my opinion make no sense to me even if the area is full because it will become eventually depleted and will worsen one’s aging in many cases by doing so.
Story of the Week!
December 26, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I don’t think I’ll have a new patient story for you every week, but this one really touched me a lot. I had a patient who was looking for lip enhancement and had called around town. After Marcy worked her phone magic that she does so well, she really believed that I was the best suited to help her out (which I not so humbly believe to be true). She enjoyed most of the day at my spa then came over to my office for some fillers. I explained to her that fillers could also be used in the face, and I discussed with her the merits of Botox for long-term wrinkle reduction. She decided to do the fillers for facial rejuvenation, lip enhancement, and Botox.
I always see my patients back a week later to make sure that they are doing okay and to show them their before and after photographs. When I was taking her photos in the photo room, she said, “Dr. Lam, I know you don’t know this about me, but my daughter suffered anaphylactic shock when she was 15 years old and died in front of me. I got very close to my second daughter, my only other child, but who was then killed with my sister in a car accident 2 years later.” She then said, “Dr. Lam, you have given me my face back as it was before all this happened to me. You have erased 15 years of grief from my face.”
I can tell you it was hard to hold back my tears when I heard that. I told that story to all my staff. Even something “small” like Restylane can have a profound impact on people’s lives. I always say to my staff we are not in the business of plastic surgery but in the business of “taking care of people and transforming lives”. I can think of no better incidence than this one. I am so proud of performing such a small thing that had such wonderfully unintended benefits. I always remember that every person that I treat is special no matter what the motivations they have or the treatments that I perform. You never know when a small thing can mean a lot to the other person you were so blessed to encounter. Wishing all of you a special holiday season, and I hope this story touched you as much as it did me and my staff!