The Art of Happiness Part 2 of 5: Contentment
January 6, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Let’s start with the obvious, happiness is achieving profound contentment. Obvious? Not really. Most oftentimes, we define our happiness unwittingly as greed. We want something we don’t have. Surprisingly, once we get what we want, we are still unhappy because that is what greed is. It is insatiable. Greed creates an anxiety within us that whatever our current state whether “high or low” will still be deemed low. And even when we become higher, we will still express unhappiness. Even worse, if we lost what we had and now don’t have it, we live in even deeper despair.
In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how he loves supermarkets and all of the shiny things that can be procured at today’s epicurean über-markets. He starts with a deep lust and want for what is in front of him. He then understands that his pockets will soon empty by his fulfilling his wants only to leave him still wanting more. Instead, he replaces his desire for want with a thought of what he needs. The desire then quickly evaporates. Now, we all can’t be Buddhist monks. However, if we are filled with perpetual lust for what we don’t have, we will live in a state of negativity that in reality will never be satisfied by the very definition of greedy acquisition.
This does not mean that you cannot enjoy nice things or be wealthy. He in fact talks about two types of wealthy men in the book. One kind yearns and yearns for more and is never satisfied. When he loses any of his possessions, he suffers deeply at his loss. The other affluent gentleman appreciates his wealth but appreciates more a deep level of self contentedness that will not vacillate with his material status.
For myself, despite significant loss in the financial markets, I have still a very profound equanimity of spirit. Those material things that are lost are lost and so be it. I spoke with an individual a couple of years ago who lost a lot of money on certain investments and now lives by indiscriminately squandering his money simply because he could not make a go of his financial investments so why not just live for today and throw the money out the window? Well, neither situation is very good. Chasing money so as to horde it is not meritorious behavior nor is lustful pursuit of hedonism. Quiet contentment of your current blessings should be the root of happiness without the disquiet of chasing whatever else in front of us.
For an individual of unsettled ambition, this admonition serves me well and is something that I constantly battle. Fortunately, despite my love for beautiful things, at root I am very very happy with where I am today and work constantly to achieve a calm sense of happiness without regard to fluctuations in trivial acquisitions or monetary status. I was listening to my staff member, Darla, who expressed to me 2 weeks ago before I read The Art of Happiness, that she was contented. I then read the book and shared with her about the Dalai Lama’s teachings and how far in alignment she was with the attainment of happiness in her very expressed use of the word, “contented”. I think in the future I will try to use the words, “I am content” rather than “I am happy” since it truly reflects a calming sense of self-realization of where we should be today.
The Art of Happiness Part 1 of 5: Pursuing Happiness
January 5, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I just finished the book, The Art of Happiness, which involves teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and his conversations with Phoenix psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler, M.D. Dr. Cutler tries to explore the ideas of Buddhist thought as preached and practiced by the Dalai Lama, as they would be explicable and applicable to non-Buddhists in the West. During this time of financial vicissitudes, we can perhaps learn a lot from global thoughts that antedate and continue to flourish during our lives from the Far East. I will not summarize the book but focus on select topics that have personal resonance for me that I thought would be helpful for my readership. These blogs represent an attempt for me at personal growth and self awareness and are letters written to myself that if burnished well will radiate to all those who are interested enough to read them.
The Dalai Lama believes that happiness is the singular purpose of life that supercedes all other concerns or at least represents the fundamental distillation of what our life should be about. At first glance, this comment seems to belie a monkish disposition and compel one to think that a monk is advocating some kind of dissolute, hedonistic life. Rather, as you read through this 5-part series, you will see that in fact the opposite is the case. In short, altruism and compassion are rooted in one’s own inner happiness.
As mentioned, we think that if we are to pursue happiness, we are in fact elevating our selfish nature. However, if we stop to think of how truly happy individuals can radiate kindness, compassion, and love to others; whereas, unhappy people pass on their disgruntled demeanor and horde and heave hatred and displeasure to all who encounter them. If we start with understanding how to reach a deep and meaningful happiness, we can use that as a launching point to help others. In fact, the act of helping others can be a truly happy action to take. But more about that later this week.
If life is for living, how else can we live but in a happy state. Living in a depressed, angry, or self-tormented condition will only lead to an unbearable state that contravenes our very nature. We were not born to live in misery. In fact, in one part of the book when Dr. Cutler asks the Dalai Lama about self-hatred, he received a befuddled silence in response. The Dalai Lama simply could not understand what this concept meant, as he had never encountered it in his sheltered world. If our fundamental nature is designed for happiness, then how can we achieve it? We will explore the following concepts over this next week: contentment, intimacy, compassion, and confronting suffering to draw broad strokes within which you can create finer etchings that will define your own existence.
Ritual Baths & Sea Salts
January 2, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
The Roman Baths in Bath, England
As many of you know, I am a big proponent of taking a little time for yourself to decompress and to heal. As a spa owner, I frequent my own spa to attain much needed escape from my daily routine. One thing that I do for myself at home is take a bath with hydrotherapy jets at least once a week if not more frequently. I have some sea salts that I bought but ideally I try to sneak into my spa and mix Epsom salts with Dead Sea salts along with various other Chinese herbs to help my skin, muscles, and nervous system.
For time immemorial, hot baths and springs have served as a vehicle for healing and renewal. I remember fondly the time that I spent in the natural onsen (Japanese hot springs) outside of Tokyo. German studies have shown that high magnesium content found in the Dead Sea can help enhance one’s skin barrier and also reduce skin inflammation. Other studies have shown improvement in psoriasis as well as helping deepen one’s sleep. Minerals are absorbed during bathing that can lead to increased blood circulation to aid in minimizing different types of arthritic conditions. Skin aging can be improved with some studies showing a 40% reduction in wrinking. Certain acne conditions can be ameliorated as well. Bromides and magnesium can serve to control allergies and detoxify and cleanse the skin. Epsom salts, which have been widely studied, have been shown to heal a damaged muscular and nervous system. I always try to mix some Epsom salts in with my Dead Sea salts after a hard day or after a massage session. Bath salts can also minimize the pruning effect otherwise typically observed following prolonged water immersion because it maintains a better osmotic pressure gradient across the skin. Phosphates can help to soften calloused skin and to aid in exfoliation. These salts can also act to enhance the effect of soaps to clean one’s skin.
All in all, even if these touted benefits do not hold 100% true, the ritualistic bath can serve as a much needed time to heal one’s mind and soul as well as one’s body. I use it as a time not to think of anything or at times to enter a quiet time of deep reflection. I truly enjoy my bath time even without the rubber duckie.
Happy New Year!
January 1, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
Time truly flies. I literally cannot believe that 2008 has drawn to a close and the new year is already upon us. I think today should be a time of both reflection of the past year and what we have in store for us in the coming year.
Although 2008 has been a rocky year in the world, I am grateful that LFP has been relatively shielded from the effects so far of the economic downturn. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, I would like to focus on some of the positive milestones of this past year. First, I finished writing my 5th book in 5 years, Aging Face: The New Paradigm, which I am very proud of. This should be my last venture into the world of hard-core academic publishing besides ongoing book chapters and scientific papers. In a way what I foresee for myself is to transition from an ensconced academia into the mainstream (more about that in a moment). I am also proud that a year ago I took 4 months out of my life and studied hard to sit and pass the American Board of Hair Restoration Surgery and am now a diplomate with only 120 others in the world. This past year I had the good fortune of completely filling my building but then losing ground with the closure of the lap-band center and vein center upstairs. Nevertheless, my spa opened and is growing by leaps and bounds and the anti-aging center and rolfing center are going like gangbusters. Although in 2007 LFP had 1 or 2 slow months, this is the first year that we had complete uniformity with no slow months and bookings several months out in advance. I am very proud of the accomplishments of my staff and my building.
My next year will carry more responsibility in many ways. First, I will be carrying the title of moderator for my Entrepreneur’s Organization (EO) forum, which will demand much time from me. Second, I shall be turning up the heat as Editor-in-Chief of the academy’s Face Book that will be published as a major consumer’s guide to facial plastic surgery (don’t worry, we copyrighted Facebook before facebook.com did). My plan over the next two years will involve becoming much more of a mainstream presence on television, public speaking, etc. I am very much interested in getting my vision out to every household to the best of my ability. I look forward to a fun, exciting and growing 2009, and I hope you continue your journey with me.
Selling Confidence
December 31, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I just finished this book, The E Myth Revisited, that focused on why entrepreneurs succeed or fail. In the book, the author Michael Gerber talks about getting to the root “feeling” that you are delivering to a customer. He argues that a company oftentimes focuses on the fact that they are selling a certain type of widget but in fact that may not be what they are truly “selling”. He used Revlon as an example. He said that in Revlon ads, they focus on a certain dream of how beautiful someone will look after using their product, so they were not at its core in the cosmetic business but in the business of selling hope.
I thought to myself, “What is the core thing that I would love a patient to feel after I work on them?” I came up with a pretty quick answer: confidence. It is not pride or arrogance. It is not even vanity. Those have pejorative connotations and to be honest do not reflect the feeling that I want someone to feel. I can tell you certain points in my own life that my confidence soared: getting into an Ivy League college, getting into a competitive residency and then fellowship, getting my first book published. I also remember small things in appearance that boosted my confidence: the end of my acne years, getting nice looking glasses, a good hair cut, and nice clothing. Although these are peripherals to aesthetics, they are all part of a sense of self and a sense of confidence.
I really enjoy seeing the beauty of my work and how I see a patient smile broadly and carry himself or herself a little differently. I particularly like it when I see someone shy and reclusive become more gregarious and open spirited in public. I can see the transformation and the feeling I have is a great one. Of course, I am in the beauty business and in a larger sense the wellness industry but at the core feeling that I am “selling” is confidence. I hope that is the feeling you get when I have finished with my work for you.