A great country is like the lowland,
toward which all streams flow.
It is the reservoir of all under heaven,
the feminine of the world.
The female overcomes the male with stillness,
by lowering herself through her quietness.

So if a great country lowers itself before a small one,
it wins friendship and trust.
And if a small country can lower itself before a great one,
it will win over that “great” country.
The one wins by stooping;
the other, by remaining low.

Two of the omnipresent symbols that Lao-Tzu uses are the feminine and water, which he enlists with great effect in this verse.  The oceans rest lower than the streams so all the waters lead into the mighty ocean.  Accordingly, when we quietly exert our presence, people and things are drawn to us.  Similarly, the feminine or yin energy is a quiet and friendly one compared with the male-dominating yang.  Oftentimes we are led to believe that to succeed we must leverage our yang energy but that oftentimes pushes people away from us.  In history, when a leader would subjugate another people by force, it would lead to brutality, which would invariably lead to a returned brutality and self annihilation.  Instead the feminine or yin energy leads by quiet example rather than forceful intervention.  This type of leadership creates a more lasting and peaceful condition that continues to grow and mature rather than be fought and destroyed over time.

It is interesting because I radiate a very quiet yin energy, and I think that is why more women are drawn to me than men.  I lead through a quiet presence rather than a forceful one.  My staff and I are like a unified family rather than a totalitarian regime in which I rule by force of will.  That kind of yang energy will be short lived and lead to mutual dissolution.  

In some of the verses of the Tao Te Ching that I did not cover in this blog series, Lao-Tzu discusses how the yin energy is more in harmony with nature, which is a central tenet of his philosophical thesis.  He looks at this “Divine Mother” as a life-giving source of all things.  Being harmonious with nature means being in harmony with your yin energy.  As you have progressed over this month (and many previous months), I have focused on many precepts that are of essence yin in nature.  Today, quietly lead others by your yin energy and draw them to you like streams to an ocean rather than through force of will.

When we love ourselves and are happy/content in our lives, we can radiate love to all those around us.  Our magical kitchen we talked about yesterday is full, and we can make any dish that we want.  However, when we live in a fearful state that we don’t have love, then we follow the track of fear.  By doing so, we only see scarcity and we act out of fear that we will lose that precious relationship because we are needy.  Alternatively, we may be just filled with emotional poison that we transmit to all of those around us like the emotional ping pong that we addressed last week.  When we are filled with self poison, self loathing, and self hatred, we look at the person next to us with that same dread and we push their emotional buttons to release our own poison.  We then have that other person release that poison back onto us, and matters escalate.

When you are accepting of yourself and when you reach a happy state even without reference to another person, you invite love in.  As I talked in my leadership series, you must first work on yourself.  You must lead yourself.  You must love yourself, then others can love you.  Or if you are a leader, then others will follow you.  All of you who read my daily blog are on the same journey with me toward life fulfillment, enrichment, happiness, and peace.  I am honored that you can work with me on our personal journey toward self love and away from selfishness.

First, I want to know what is on their mind before I walk through that door.  That helps me avoid being blindsided by something in public that we should have probably addressed in private first. Second, it brings clarity to the subject so that the person bringing it up can have a “coach” before the meeting.  That is what we do in my EO forum.  When someone is going to present the following month, the presenter undergoes intense coaching from last month’s presenter (or from someone who is well versed in the presenter’s subject matter) so that the presenter can achieve clarity and focus before walking into the meeting.  In fact, a bad presentation in my forum can be blamed as much on the presenter as it can on the coach who failed to coach the presenter adequately.  Third, meeting key players before the meeting will help elicit a coalition so that there is relative unanimity on a subject before going in so that we are all not in a bickering mood.  Fourth, it helps create a continuity so that the meeting is not just a single isolated happening once a month.  I actually have weekly meetings for my spa and even shorter meetings almost every day since my spa is in a growth trajectory.  As I have mentioned in a previous blog, accountability is very hard to have on a monthly basis.  A weekly basis or shorter interval is necessary for any real level of accountability to be had.

I know this topic is one in which it seems pretty focused on a business owner trying to lead his/her staff.  However, I think this subject can be applicable at many levels even for non-business owners or non business people all together.  For example, if you are a staff member, you might want to make sure that a task is being completed on time, so you set up regular meetings to make sure that things are progressing well.  You would then personally meet with your team members between these established meetings to make sure everything is in fact on track. 

In my EO forum, I have learned a valuable trick that does not breach confidentiality (which is sacred to me and my forum group).  Some of my forum members actually carry out family meetings on a weekly basis in which even the kids lead the meetings.  This teaches children a leadership role early on and allows them to learn how to delegate, assume responsibility, run a meeting, and be on time.  Obviously, the parent could run the meeting too.  Even spouses together can have a family meeting if there are no children in the family.  There are many versions, permutations, and merits to a meeting, but the focus of this blog is understanding the merit of the meeting before the meeting.  Maxwell is simply brilliant and insightful.

A leader must have natural skills as a leader that rank above the leadership capacity of those under him/her.  A person of a leadership capacity of 8 will not follow a leader who is sitting at a 3.  It is the law of respect. When the staff cannot respect the leader, they will leave and gravitate around a stronger leader that can lead them the right way.  The law of respect follows the law of competency.  When a leader is incompetent or less competent than a staff member, the staff member must per force leave.  It is almost impossible to work for someone above you who really should be beneath you.  I learn a lot from my sister.  She has oftentimes complained in the past (repeatedly) that she could not follow her leader because he/she was simply incompetent.  The entire team knew he/she was incompetent but the leader didn’t.

At the same time, I have learned a very valuable lesson on the flip side.  When someone is not happy or wants to leave, bless them to leave.  Do not try to negotiate a better salary, perks, promise this or that, just let them leave.  Even though quality people are great finds when you find them, they are replaceable.  That sounds harsh, but it is true.  What Maxwell says is that a poor leader will have a very limited pool of people to draw from, but a great leader will have a huge pool of people to draw from.  Now, that does not mean that I am not fiercely loyal to my staff.  My staff is fiercely loyal to me, and I to them.  It just means let people go when they need to go, a hard lesson for me but one that I realize is a truism that must be understood and lived.  Also, listening to Rand Stagen give a talk about company life cycles (both depressing and exhilarating), he mentioned that an employee of his was recruited to go elsewhere.  He was of course not thrilled with it, but he realized that he could and would remain loyal to his staff that chose to leave.  He would endorse him and still stay proud of who that staff member was and would be…even outside the context of his company.  I hope my staff never leave me, but if they do I won’t put up a fight.  I will bless them on their way if they have better opportunities than what I have to offer them.

When John Maxwell has a meeting, he puts a tiny “L” at the corner of one of his pages to remind him to listen.  He adds another “L” next to it for look, i.e., look at the person you are listening to.  I myself am perhaps the most guilty of wanting to dominate a conversation and failing to listen.  Perhaps I can blame my XY chromosome, as most men fail in this endeavor.  My mom says I don’t listen to her very well.  Well, I am trying at this endeavor and want to improve in this department of weakness of mine.  More about my weaknesses further down.

A leader should be actively listening to his staff to get pertinent feedback, encourage creative ideas and to use that information as a source of ways to improve the team.  Without encouraging other voices, a meeting or an encounter becomes a fruitless exercise.  Just one voice screaming out his opinion.  That is also why I value input and responses in these blogs.  (In fact, I have designed this website uniquely to have as many voices on here as possible, e.g., on my blogs, forum posts, before and after gallery and soon to be on the videos too.)  Two minds are always better than one.  How about a thousand?  I have made it a concerted effort to begin listening better and to conduct a meeting with more openness.  My last meeting with my salon director was spent 80% of the time quiet just listening to the problems, prospects, and thoughts of my director so that I could learn what was going on and to better grasp if the direction taken was the right one.

I am combining another part of Maxwell’s dictums into one for the sake of trying to cram 23 of his ideas into 10 blogs.  He says a great leader knows what questions to ask.  The biggest question to ask is, “What mistakes am I making?”  That is a tough one to ask and to hear.  It is an important one.  One person came up to Maxwell after a lecture and said, “Mr. Maxwell, a leader must put up a strong front and never show his weaknesses.”  Maxwell retorted, “You are assuming your staff does not already know your weaknesses.  They do.  Once you admit them, they are reassured that you know yourself and they don’t have to keep pretending that you don’t know.”  When a leader admits his own weaknesses, he can then ask the staff to “pushback”, i.e., to give opinions in a free forum to help with the organization.  He should encourage a roundtable discussion free of rejection and fear from a leader’s dismissive remarks.

 I myself am constantly working to open up my weaknesses to my staff.  What are they?  First and foremost, I am not a great administrator.  That is why Dianne and Constanze work as my principal administrators but also everyone around them work as their own administrators.  When we had a vacuum for someone to help with ordering, Darla stepped in and took over.  When Vassilka realized that photo taking and transferring was something that she could do well and efficiently, she took that over without my even asking.  When I couldn’t fit all my hair transplant consults now until May, Constanze looked at a creative way to get them in earlier and Emina stepped up to help.  I want to thank my team for every small and big thing they do because I notice each and everything they do, and I am flabbergasted at the quality of Team LFP.  

What are my strengths besides plastic surgery?  I am a connector and I care.  I love people, simply put.  Therefore, I constantly work to engage my team and put them together on equal footing to excel.  However, I realized that my weakness as an administrator did not permit me to resign my task as CEO.  I now am constantly meeting with my administrators to make sure that they are not alone in their task. I have weekly (sometimes every other day meetings with my spa director); I ask my nursing administrator what things are going on that I need to know about; and I meet with my salon director once a month and get feedback from him once or twice a week on matters usually by phone.  I am focused now on asking what am I doing wrong and what could I do better.

Many times, leaders assume their leadership position merely for the material gain or posturing that such a title affords, e.g., the corner office or a respected status.  However, all great leaders in the history of mankind have one thing in common:  they have made a difference.  Leadership provides an individual the capacity to help others in ways that he or she could not do as well outside of a leadership position.  I like how John Maxwell summarized the main objective of leadership:  helping others.  That is beautifully put.

I feel that in my position of leadership that I have your attention so that with hundreds of people reading my blog every day I get an audience that I can directly impact.  I can’t tell you how great that feels.  Your blog responses mean the world to me.  It means that I am getting through.  It means I am connecting, and we are connecting with one another.  When I work with my staff, I am so proud that I know that I am giving them a great place to work so that they in turn can help others.  I feel that we all in turn share that leadership position so that we can then lead others.  I like the saying, “Leaders lead leaders.”  By leading my staff to impart the ethical, passionate, and creative approach to patient care, they then carry out that mission.

I hope that all of you assume the mantle of leadership in small and great ways.  Remember that to be a leader you just need two things:  direction and followers.  That does not necessarily make you a good leader but just a leader.  If you want to be a leader, ask yourself what direction are you taking your followers?  Do you have any followers to begin with?  Are you taking them on a selfish direction for personal gain?  Or are you sticking with Maxwell’s basic tenet of leadership, that all great leadership is focused on helping others?

He recounts a story that whenever he drives by a Krispy Kreme donut store he looks for a red light to see if there are any fresh donuts being made right then.  Although he does not frequently splurge on this indulgence, he decided at that moment to enter the store to procure his sinful delight despite the absence of a friendly light to alert him to a new batch of donuts.  To his surprise when he entered the store, he saw that a fresh lot just came off the conveyer belt, so he asked the woman working there, “Why didn’t you turn the red light on?  I see that you have fresh donuts coming out right now.”  She replied, “Well, we have fresh donuts coming off all the time.  But whenever we turned the light on, too many customers would come in.”  Maxwell thought, “Wow, if the owners would have heard that.”

I like what my mentor said to me, “You can inspire people but you can motivate them.”  People that read my blogs want to get better and are naturally inclined toward inspiration.  However, those who read these blogs and get nothing out of them may not be easily inspired and they certainly can’t be motivated.  That comes from within, deep within.  Maxwell recalls that whenever he finishes giving a lecture that someone would come up to him and say, “Wow, that’s the best thing I’ve heard.  I’m going to change my life because of it.”  He says others would say, “I’ve heard it all before.  What a waste of time.”  I hear these kinds of remarks at my meetings.  I always try my best to get a single, solitary pearl for my patients. I believe that a small pearl can radically change the welfare of my patients in both the short- and long-term, and I find great reward in it.

Back to ducks and eagles… Clearly, some people are very happy to be a duck, but as a leader don’t try to send them to become an eagle.  Eagles who are used to soaring will resent you for putting them with ducks, and the ducks will resent you for putting them to do eagle work when they are ducks.  Ducks are good creatures; they swim hard and travel long distances slowly but surely.  Eagles soar over the waters but really do not steadily progress over the water like a duck.  The world is made of ducks and eagles.  It is important when you lead to recognize who is a duck and who is an eagle and keep them in their assigned roles.  Are you a duck?  Are you an eagle?  If you are a leader, have you been sending your ducks to eagle school?

Maxwell argues that people do not pay for mediocrity.  They only pay for excellence.  Only excellence survives and flourishes.  A leader works within his strength zone and gets to the core of what makes him special.  People will follow someone who thrives in his strength zone, but people will not follow someone who exemplifies only mediocrity.

An audience member challenged Maxwell and said, “I think Tiger Woods proves an exception to your rule.  He always works on the weaknesses in his swing.”  Maxwell countered, “Au contraire, Tiger Woods is working on a weakness in his strength zone, which is golf.  If he were trying to practice accounting or gardening, that would be working on weaknesses outside of his strength zone.”  Maxwell goes on to say that no matter how many hours of golf that he played he would never come close to Tiger Woods.  So he works within his strength zone, which is leadership and communication.

A great leader not only knows his own strength zone but he knows the strength zones of every member of his team.  He knows how to cultivate the strength zones of each team member and how to avoid any weaknesses that each team member inherently possesses.  In the past, I have referred to this as a staff member’s “scorecard”.  I know each person’s scorecard.  When a leader develops his own strength zone, he can more readily recognize the strength zones of those around him.  In addition, he hires people whose strength zones are different from his own to complement rather than repeat his own strength zone.

How do you know your strength zone?  It would help to get feedback from those around you.  Perhaps you think you are good at something, but that is not the consensus out there.  You must marry your passion with your talents.  You can’t just have one or the other.  Passion without talent will not lead to success.  Talent without passion won’t get you very far.  Once you have found your strength zone, work on developing it in every facet that you can…all the time…relentlessly.  That is what I do with facial plastic surgery and with leadership/self growth.  Those are my strength zones and I work tirelessly within them.  I work harder than most if not all of my colleagues, and I work more creatively.  I live, breathe, eat, and sleep it.  Do you know your strength zone and are you relentless in your pursuit at getting your strength zone better?

This is not the first time I have talked about passion and it certainly won’t be my last.  Passion underscores everything that I do, and everything that I stand for.  I had a hair transplant consultation last year with a gentleman who asked me, “Why are you better?”  It took me about 30 minutes to go through the artistry, the way that I harvest the hair, not outsourcing a team, how I protect the tissues, etc.  But I said, “I can summarize it in one word, passion.”  That is why I’m different.  People know that the moment they meet me.  And if they don’t, they will when they finish talking with me.

I like to say that when you chase money, money will leave.  When you chase your passion, money will come.  There was a study that looked at 1,500 business-school graduates between 1960 to 1980 and they divided the group into those who followed their passion at all expense and those who wanted to make money then be able to use that money to chase what they wanted.  Twenty years later, there were 301 millionaires from the original group.  Out of the 301, 300 attained their wealth through chasing their passion at all cost.  One attained his wealth by chasing money first.

When you are beset with problems all around you, the only thing that will stand the test of time is passion.  Passion will drive you through the hard times and carry you over the good times.  It will help all those around you carry that same passion.  It is infectious.  Maxwell says he has never seen a leader who was not passionate about what he or she did.   Passion must be the starting point and the defining point of everything you seek.

Maxwell says find something that you would do even without compensation, then go and pursue that passion.  (Obviously, get paid for it.)  The easiest way to find a work you like is not to work a day in your life because every day at work should be fun and enjoyable.  It should not be work.  If it is work, it is not your passion.  It should be your passion and underscore everything you are and you do.  I am a passionate person, and if you have no passion in your life, it is much harder for me to relate to you.  If you don’t have a passion, find your life’s passion, then live it!