Psycho-Cybernetics Part 12 of 30: Happiness is a Habit
May 22, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
If we can achieve a profound level of happiness, we can then let go of the cloud of anxiety, fear, and other thoughts that plague our mind. At that point, we can allow our unconscious to move us forward in a positive direction. When we are unhappy, we are constantly pervaded by negativity, judgment (of self and of others), and poverty/scarcity. When we are happy, we can live with great joy and open the chance for success and to fulfill our goals.
How do we achieve happiness? The first thing we need to do is see happiness as a habit not as a future earning. Many of us live life as a deferred payment plan. We will be happy when we are in the right relationship, perfect marriage, obtain the perfect job, get better grades, have a thinner waistline, etc. Whatever we then achieve, we will then be daunted by another problem to distract us. Only by practicing happiness as a present emotion/condition, can we be truly happy individuals.
Happiness should not be viewed as selfishness. We have talked about this before when we discussed the Art of Happiness a few months ago. When we are happy, we radiate that joy to others. When we are sad and miserable, we remain in a completely selfish state that will hurt ourselves and directly/indirectly hurt others. We need to remove any moral appendages to happiness as a right, a virtue, as a merit. It simply is. We all should live in unmitigated happiness and when we do we can establish the underlying foundation and premise for our unconscious mind to flourish and for us to exercise a great degree of liberation in the practice of Psycho-Cybernetics.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 3 of 20: Living Humility
April 1, 2009 by dr. lam · 34 Comments
The 9th Verse of the Tao Te Ching:
To keep on filling
is not as good as stopping.
Overfilled, the cupped hands drip,
better to stop pouring.
Sharpen a blade too much
and its edge will soon be lost.
Fill your house with jade and gold
and it brings insecurity.
Puff yourself with honor and pride
and no one can save you from a fall.
Retire when the work is done;
this is the way of heaven.
I truly love the idea behind this verse. It tells us that enough is enough. Hording more acquisitions for the sake of doing so only leads to fear, insecurity, and pride. It leads to fearing the loss of these acquired goods that can in turn lead us to misery. I also like how Dyer focuses on eating. I have eaten many times after I was sated only later to regret it both in terms of how I felt afterward and the ineluctable weight gain thereafter. I am constantly reminded of the joy of eating just enough, wanting just enough, and being contented with everything.
How do I reconcile all of this with plastic surgery? Easily. I have many individuals who are obsessed with plastic surgery or become so. They know that I will only engage in things that will help them look and feel better about themselves but not in excessive things that waste money and create unchecked boundaries of ongoing want. In fact, I help guide them to what would be the best thing to make their external selves a reflection of their inner selves. We have talked about that in previous blogs. I am in love with the creative work in facial cosmetic enhancement because done in moderation and with skill and artistry, you can create a beauty that lovingly radiates to all those in their proximity.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 2 of 20: Living Creatively
March 31, 2009 by dr. lam · 17 Comments
The 6th Verse of the Tao Te Ching:
The spirit that never dies
is called the mysterious feminine.
Although she becomes the whole universe,
her immaculate purity is never lost.
Although she assumes countless forms,
her true identity remains intact.
The gateway to the mysterious female
is called the root of creation.
Listen to her voice,
hear it echo through creation.
Without fail, she reveals her presence.
Without fail, she brings us to our own perfection.
Although it is invisible, it endures;
it will never end.
I particularly love this verse because I can relate to it so very well. I have a tremendously creative spirit that I feel is unbounded. I also have a great feminine sensibility about me, i.e., I am sensitive to people’s emotions and thoughts more than many of my male colleagues, peers, and friends. I am very much attuned to my creative and my “feminine” side. I think Lao-Tzu is focused on seeing ourselves as infinitely creative and who do not perceive boundaries to that creativity. I recall so many people seeing my paintings that I made that adorn the walls of my office and of my building and say, “Wow, I would never feel so confident to put any of my paintings for others to see.” I thought, “Why not?” It never even occurred to me that someone else’s judgment of my art even mattered.
I think as children we are infinitely creative and are rewarded for our creative input. As adults, we are so berated by other people about what is considered good or bad, that we become introspective and reclusive in our opinions and thoughts. I am not entirely immune to this, but I exercise a profound and unfettered creativity in my artistry as a plastic surgeon (obviously with your assent and consent) as well as in almost everything that I do.
Today when you go out look at a child and see how a child is unrestricted in his/her creative energy that is almost inexhaustible and not bound by societal dictates and constraints, by gender norms, or by arbitrary standards of quality. Then go out today and free your creative sensibility and get in touch with your feminine nature whether you are a man or a woman. It shouldn’t matter. Think of how you will express your own creative energy through a vibrant individualism that radiates to others. Live creatively.
The Mastery of Love Part 3 of 10: Self-Abuse
March 18, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
We are always punishing ourselves. We play the Victim because that is the role that has been assigned to us during our period of domestication. We always feel that we should be punished because we see ourselves as imperfect: ”I am not good enough. I am deserving of this abuse” so I will abuse myself. Ruiz perceives us as domesticated animals. We respond in ways that reflect our domestication. The only difference with an animal is that we will punish ourselves a thousand times for the same mistake. We are convinced that we are imperfect and must therefore be subjected to punishment.
As I have said in a past blog, I have tried to stop saying that “I am imperfect.” It brings to light our own self abusive tendencies to play judge and jury so that we can become Victims again. Ruiz calls the indoctrinated belief system that society (aka, the Dream) has imposed on us as the Parasite that sucks on our emotional wounds. The language that the Parasite uses is fear. Fear grips us and paralyzes us and distorts our relationships.
Many times we wonder when we see others, “How does she live with that abuse?” The answer is simple: she already is abusing herself (I’m not good enough or worthy. I deserve this.) and therefore accepts as only natural abuse from another. With the emotional poison that is there, she gives it back to them, and he accepts it because he is used to thinking of himself with that same level of self abuse. Ruiz’s insight (that I have mentioned in a previous blog and is worth repeating here) is that we will only tolerate an abusive relationship as much as we tolerate our own abuse. When that relationship exceeds our own level of self abuse, we will flee. However, many individuals live in such a sustained level of self abuse that they can tolerate many levels of abuse and will remain in that relationship.
When we can begin to clear the storing house of false thoughts that the Parasite has made us believe, think, and really fear, we can then escape those abusive relationships because we will stop abusing ourselves. When we begin to love ourselves without self condemnation and without judgment, we can then have the prospect of entering a healthy, loving relationship.
The Power of Intention Part 10 of 10: Intentionality
March 13, 2009 by dr. lam · 14 Comments
I conclude this 2 week series with an exercise that I found very meaningful during my EO retreat to Marble Falls a few weeks ago and that I thought I would pass along to you. Carl Reynolds, our retreat planner (great job Carl!), put this exercise together so it does not come from Wayne Dyer’s book. Intentionality is, believe it or not, a real word. However, the philosophical construct behind it is quite difficult for the armchair philosopher in me to decode. I welcome comments. In this case, we are going to treat the word intentionality and intention the same. My goal is simply to have you perform this exercise either in private or in this blog if you are so inclined. I will publish my own answers below. I hope you can skip my answers and come up with your own, then read my answers. Here we go:
PART I
Intentionality: ”When your dreams and your values are in alignment and your actions progress you towards your vision with constant purpose.”
Dreams: In this exercise we are going to dream. Take money out of the equation. what would you do with your time? Travel? Volunteer? Teach, consult, raise your kids yourself, etc. Write down a list of those activities that you would do if you had the time…Dream big or as small as you want to…. (10 minutes)
-Teach plastic surgery
-Public speaking
-Write a lay press book
-Workout every day to get more fit
-Volunteer to mentor bright young minds
-Engage in more concerted spa retreats and continue with my personal growth
PART II
Values: Now we are going to list our values. Take a moment and write down at least 5 values that are core to you. (5 minutes)
1. Passion
2. Integrity
3. Work ethic/Rest- Balance
4. Compassion/Love
5. Happiness/Positivity
PART III
Filter: List two of the dreams that make it through your value filter. (2 minutes)
1. Continue with my personal growth and achieve better balance in my life.
2. Volunteer/mentor young minds
PART IV
At this point we now have two dreams that have made it through your filter. Our next step is to be intentional in putting together an action plan that brings these important dreams to fruition. But first, describe one or two times when you knew you were in alignment with your values and your purpose. What pulled you away from that alignment? What keeps you from getting back to that alignment? Be specific. (15 min.)
I felt that my staff has been in alignment with me in the past. I felt that I was not as attuned to their needs this past year, which I have now changed. I am part of multiple accountability groups that have weekly and monthly goals. I fear not being the best leader that I can be. I fear that I will not grow personally to my satisfaction.
PART V
Intentionality: Create an action plan for one of the dreams that made it through the filter. List at least 5 activities that will need to be scheduled so that you are intentionally working towards accomplishing that goal. (15 min.)
1. Schedule body rehabilitation time including monthly rolf sessions and weekly massage therapies.
2. Dedicate one weekend day a month completely free of any thought toward work and make it entirely fun.
3. Make sure that I have built in weekly yoga and spin classes, every single week unless I am out of town.
4. Continue to work every week on creative ideas toward making effective blogs and hold myself accountable for what I write.
5. To move away from constantly being near a computer every night but to be less anchored to my keyboard. To respond to questions and thoughts no more than twice in a given night after leaving work.
I hope you enjoyed this exercise and can hold yourself accountable for your actions. If you can’t, find someone who can. Maybe we all can be cyber buddies to keep each other in alignment with our own intentions.