Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 10 of 20: Living by Returning and Yielding
April 10, 2009 by dr. lam · 8 Comments
The 40th Verse:
Returning is the motion of the Tao.
Yielding is the way of the Tao.
The 10,000 things are born of being.
Being is born of nonbeing.
Lao-Tzu sees us all as being part of a synthetic universal whole or what he calls “the 10,000 things”. We are all part of a unified center of a spiritual universe. However, in our life, each action we take will either move us toward or away from this whole. If we are acting angrily toward another and escalating an argument, we are moving away. If we are eating proper food and obtaining good nutrition, then we are returning to the Tao. If we let ego dominate our thoughts and we parade around showing off our peacock feathers when we talk then we are not “yielding” to the Tao but moving against it.
If you see that every action that we take either moves us in the direction of harmony and peace or away from it, then we can see that we can understand our life’s trajectory and path by following to choose things that will move us in the right direction rather than the wrong one. Today, evaluate your choices and ask whether you are achieving more peace with your decision or less. Are you increasing your anger toward another or are you letting it go? Are you moving toward or away from the Tao?
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 9 of 20: Living Without Force
April 9, 2009 by dr. lam · 16 Comments
The 30th Verse:
One who would guide a leader of men in the uses of life
will warn him against the use of arms for conquest.
Weapons often turn upon the wielder.
Where armies settle,
nature offers nothing but briars and thorns.
After a great battle has been fought,
the land is cursed, the crops fail,
the earth lies stripped of its Motherhood.
After you have attained your purpose,
you must not parade your success,
you must not boast of your ability,
you must not feel proud;
you must rather regret that you had not been
able to prevent the war.
You must never think of conquering others by force.
Whatever strains with force
will soon decay.
It is not attuned to the Way.
Not being attuned to the Way,
its end comes all too soon.
We live in a violent world. We are bombarded by violent images. We think of our relationship with others in a combative way. We are far from the Tao. The most brilliant line of this verse is as follows: “Weapons often turn upon the wielder.” Is that not true? When we return a volley, we will almost invariably get another one. If we lash out in hatred, are we not going to be a victim of revenge? Of course.
We must break this pattern of violence and escape the violence that surrounds us at every turn by offering peace and love. We must find every avenue not to put ourselves in harm’s way and to return hatred for hatred. Remember the end result: ”After a great battle has been fought, the land is cursed, the crops fail, the earth lies stripped of its Motherhood.”
Where does all this violence come from? Ego. The need to be right. The need to be superior. The need to lord over someone near you. The need to be superior relative to the next person. If we begin to relinquish these thoughts of ego, then we can begin to let go of our own tenacious grip on always being right. Today when someone attacks you, don’t return it but step aside. See if that continues to escalate. You should be able to lower the negative energy by choosing volitionally not to return it.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 8 of 20: Living Calmly
April 8, 2009 by dr. lam · 13 Comments
The 26th Verse:
The heavy is the root of the light.
The still is the master of unrest.
Realizing this,
the successful person is
poised and centered
in the midst of all activities;
although surrounded by opulence,
he is not swayed.
Why should the lord of the country
flit about like a fool?
If you let yourself be blown to and fro,
you lose touch with your root.
To be restless is to lose one’s self-mastery.
During times of economic changes or personal crises, it is easy to lose oneself in the environmental sway. We are not rooted inwardly but drawn outwardly by external circumstances. “The heavy is the root of the light” as the verse opens. Our own stalwart resilience is rooted in a heavy set calmness that is the foundation for the light that emanates from us. We must stay in a calm that is undisturbed from all external forces. Obviously, this is not an easy one, and it certainly is not an easy one for me. I am constantly at work to calm myself. I find that during the day when there are 3 businesses that I am running outside of just doing surgery and seeing patients we can be lost in a maelstrom of activity and be buffeted by the winds around us. I truly work on the “power of now” as we have discussed to root me back into a calmness.
In fact, my calmness is what creates a dominant rhythm for everyone around me. My staff and my patients feel calmer around me because I am calm. They feel nervous if I feel nervous. In the book, It’s Your Ship, Michael Abrashoff says that if he is having a bad day, he gets out of the way. I think that is important because the captain sets the mood for the entire team. However, what Lao-Tzu is contemplating is that we are always suffused with calmness no matter what external circumstances are around us.
I have had 3 rather nervous patients in the past couple of months before a procedure, and I worked with them on a visualization exercise and verbal calming. I had them picture where in the world they would want to be. Unbelievably, all three of them chose the Maldives, a place that I have never been. I was able to take them there and bring them into alignment with my peace through visualization, voice, and my hands on them. (I actually shot a visualization exercise to help my post-op patients but really for anyone who is interested in calming themselves.) I try to help my patients who come to me nervous about life or about other things to leave me in a calmer and happier state.
Today go out and see if you can remain calm in the face of all circumstances no matter what life presents to you, and see if you can impart that level of calmness to everyone that comes into close proximity of you. What I talked about a few weeks ago about “high energy” states from the Power of Intention involved getting people to a very high sense of calmness that naturally radiates to all of those who are around them. Today do the Tao and enter a calm state and help those around you see your calmness so that they themselves can be calmed by your presence.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 7 of 20: Living without Excess
April 7, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The 24th Verse:
If you stand on tiptoe, you cannot stand firmly.
If you take long steps, you cannot walk far.
Showing off does not reveal enlightenment.
Boasting will not produce accomplishment.
He who is self-righteous is not respected.
He who brags will not endure.
All these ways of acting are odious, distasteful.
They are superfluous excesses.
They are like a pain in the stomach,
a tumor in the body.
When walking the path of the Tao,
this is the very stuff that must be
uprooted, thrown out, and left behind.
Too often we live with too much pride and arrogance. We must feel that we are superior over others and live life with selfish disregard for all those around us. Do you live most of your day only looking at yourself? Are you overly focused on your own successes, trophies, goals, and gains? Have you thanked someone around you recently for being who they are in your life and contributing to this world?
Many of the books that I read must invariably decry plastic surgery as an excess. Obviously, I work with this paradox in which I talk about internal self-actualization and also disregard to ego. Perhaps that is ultimately a Tao principle of holding a paradox in your mind. However, I simply do not see it as a paradox. As I have repeatedly stated, plastic surgery done correctly and with correct moderation and perspective can change one’s life in a profound and tangible way. However, when we seek plastic surgery to fulfill an internal want that is absent then we are in trouble. I look at plastic surgery as a method for providing congruity between what we see in the mirror as what we feel in our heart. But when body dysmorphic disorder or overly obsessing over a body part leads to social crippling then we have crossed that fine line.
It is important that when we attain our own enlightenment that acquisition and acquisition and acquisition of material goods and status not be the motivating factor or dominating factor in our life. These blogs are meant to put you into a peaceful sense of gratitude for where you are and not where you need to be. Being a man of ambition almost my entire life, it has been a profound shift in my own paradigm not constantly to want and desire and be insatiable in my appetite for wanting more. Today I truly cherish where I am and what I have and am not in a desirous mood for this or that, certainly not as much as I did in the past.
Today it would be great if you could offer your gratitude (yes, a fourth blog indirectly on this important subject today) for where you are but even as importantly offer that gratitude for someone near you for who they are and how special they are to you. Offer that gratitude to someone you know or even you don’t know that well today.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 6 of 20: Living with Flexibility
April 6, 2009 by dr. lam · 12 Comments
The 22nd Verse:
The flexible are preserved unbroken.
The bent become straight.
The empty are filled.
The exhausted become renewed.
The poor are enriched.
The rich are confounded.
Therefore the sage embraces the one.
Because he doesn’t display himself,
people can see his light.
Because he has nothing to prove,
people can trust his words.
Because he doesn’t know who he is,
people recognize themselves in him.
Because he has no goal in mind,
everything he does succeeds.
The old saying that the flexible are preserved unbroken is surely right!
If you have truly attained wholeness,
everything will flock to you.
This meditation is truly profound: ”The flexible are preserved unbroken.” Too often when a challenge faces us, we break down. When we are confronted with a malady, we break. But when a conflict approaches us, let it pass right through and around you like a reed that remains bending and thereby unbroken. I have learned this valuable lesson this past year more than almost any other. When confronted with any personal or professional assault by any force, allow it to simply pass through and around you. There will be no conflict then and there will be no need for resolution.
We all as human creatures (or domesticated ones if you use Ruiz’s language) have a need to be right, to exert our rightness over someone else’s wrongness. Think of an argument where you simply won’t let it go because you must be right. Why? Our ego is in the way. Many of my leaders simply do not need to be called a leader because they know they are quietly leading. I love these words: ”Because he doesn’t display himself, people can see his light. Because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words.” We can build consensus and pull in valuable contribution and perspective from others because we need not exert our position or our influence on another. When we just open ourselves toward others’ perceptions, we can gain valuable insight. When we forcibly impose our own will on others, we lead to our own inability to see anything correctly because we need to be right.
Today, go out there and try to be like a reed, bend with the conflict and let it pass around you. Allow yourself to hear others’ voices and value their input. Do not need to forcibly always be right. Let your ego pass from you today and be one with all who are around you. Allow yourself to hear the valuable voices that surround you.