Life in Perspective Part 1 of 4: Your Past
November 24, 2008 by dr. lam
This week we will only have 4 blogs in respect for the deserved respite that you will share with your loved ones over Thanksgiving holidays. In that spirit, I thought that I would turn reflective on one’s life overall. Today we will cover your past, tomorrow your present, the following day your future, and on Thanksgiving Day, your entire life in synopsis.
This blog was spurred on by a forum question that led me to think in a more structured format about what our lives mean and how we can get the most out of our lives. This blog was also inspired by a few patients whom I saw this past week and who really helped me realize that I needed to write something to help more individuals out there who desperately need it.
One woman had come to me from another state after having experienced a burn injury on her face from a medical treatment I believe over a year ago or so. She had sought plastic surgery intervention to correct this problem using Fraxel and Restylane treatments. When I received the initial email correspondence from her, I was alarmed at what I saw concerning the degree of the burn. However, when she came in I could barely see a trace of the injury. Yes, with the makeup off and with my getting up close I could see what was going on but it was a work for me to see the problem. That was a good sign. The only residual problem that I saw was some redness and fullness of her nose left by the plastic surgeon who was trying to correct the problem in the first place. I saw that she was visibly distraught and quite depressed. She said that she was sad about the situation. I informed her that I did not actually see a problem and that others probably did not as well. She said her family was upset about it. I informed her that most likely her family was upset about it because she was overly focused on the problem, leading to their reactions of negativity.
I told her that she had created her own living hell and was fully ensconced in her past. I said that you can live in your own past, but for me I have chosen to live in the present and the future. We can’t change the past, and every intervention that we engage in is undertaken to correct the past further pushes us into an uncorrectable past. Every time she passes a mirror or takes a photograph I am certain that she is staring at it to see if she sees the deformity. It will always be there and no one will be able to correct it to her satisfaction because she will always seek to see if the problem will still be there and, of course, it will be. I can probably tell you a million stories like that one. I actually plan on shooting a video to recount some of these stories to help someone learn from it.
I learned one thing from my mentor, “Happiness comes from within.” I love this saying because it is true. Plastic surgery will not give one happiness. You have to want happiness. Some people love being depressed. Some have allowed themselves to sit within a deep depression because they can’t get out of their own past. They are buried in it out of their own volition. Did the plastic surgeon create the problem? Well, in certain circumstances, yes. I saw a lady who had 17 eyelid surgeries to fix a problem that the first surgeon created. I had to remove a lump of fat out of her face from bad fat grafting she had done elsewhere. I told her the moment I saw her we needed to fix this thing because it was truly a deformity. This circumstance was a disaster that needed correcting. Other times, I see that the patient created his or her own future by living in the past.
The past cannot be changed but it can be valuable tool for us to learn from. As they say, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I believe that. We are not perfect creatures (surgeons and patients alike). However, we can learn from our mistakes and move forward to live in the present to define the betterment of our future. The past is valuable but only as a resource for not repeating it (if it was a mistake) but not to live within it so as to shadow our present and future. More about that tomorrow.
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2 Responses to “Life in Perspective Part 1 of 4: Your Past”
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I’d like to offer an alternate viewpoint of depression, as I have dealt with it for all of my adult life. It seems that people often think the words depression and misery are interchangable, though I feel much differently. I think people ARE miserable because they want to be miserable. Misery is mostly a perception and very much a state of mind.
Depression, however, in its truest sense, it not always warranted and is almost always uninvited. I wouldn’t wish the veil of depression on anyone, because I personally know how debilitating it can be. I am so grateful to my doctor who recognized and acknowledged my depression — and in doing so — did more for my well-being than any other doctor I’ve had. By aggresively treating my depression with combinations of anti-depressants, I know without a doubt he saved my life.
So, I hope that people will reconsider the connotation of the word “depression” and see that it is an entirely different animal than misery.
thank you for the valuable clarification, and thank you for contributing. hope you are doing better.