Learning to Say No
October 2, 2008 by dr. lam
I have learned to be much more selective in what projects I choose to move forward with. In the past, whatever someone asked me to do, I would invariably say yes. In fact, up to about a month ago, I fail to remember whenever I said, “No.” That has led to a devastating compression of my personal life to zero.
In the past month alone, I have said, “No” three times. I was asked last week to write another chapter in the book, Master Techniques for Rhinoplasty and Nasal Reconstruction, on alar-base reduction because the editors loved my first chapter that I had already submitted. (Perhaps they loved the fact that I was one of the few authors to get the job done on time and done well.) I said, “No” to my distinguished colleague and friend who asked me to fly out to China as an honored guest speaker all expenses paid for his Rhinoplasty Workshop. I also said, “No” to my colleague who asked me to write yet another book. That is a world record for me. Not Michael Phelps but at least a personal milestone.
I don’t say no to everything. I said, “Yes” to my colleague who asked me to be the course director for a hair transplant workshop in St. Louis next year but I have reasons for saying yes. First, I am very interested in the project, since this will be a unique platform to advance hair restoration in a hands-on cadaver workshop that I think has never been offered before. Second, I like being challenged to be a course director, which is something that I don’t have a lot of experience with. Third, I have already finished the entire syllabus and speaker list in two short hours on Saturday. Efficiency is something that I am known for.
I assumed the Editor-in-Chief position last year for a consumer’s guide for facial plastic surgery, entitled, The Face Book (don’t worry, we copyrighted the first edition before facebook.com), which was something I really had no interest in doing. I did it because a senior member in the Academy basically asked me in front of 20 board members, “Sam, please do this. You are the only one that can do this.” I was honored and also in my state of never saying no last Fall. However, the project has now morphed into something that I think will radically alter the landscape of my field in that it is no longer targeted for surgeons’ reception areas (which is an untenable and antiquated concept) but now I am seeking a literary agent to push this into the mainstream and making it a major (hopefully) blockbuster.
My friend Robert said, “Sam, a wife and kids will be the worse thing for your career.” I think he may be right. However, I believe that our passions can remain unmitigated but we can choose what we want in life by following those passions and not following every opportunity presented to us simply because it was presented to us. I will never give up my passions, but I have learned to choose projects more wisely and I have learned to say, “No.”
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