Lessons from EO Part 5 of 5: Gestalt
February 6, 2009 by dr. lam
If you are a fervent reader of my blogs, you might remember my talking about Gestalt psychology and protocol already a few months ago. However, it is worth repeating here both for those who have read my previous blog and for those who have not. It is such an important tool that it is worth restating it here as a separate, standalone blog once again.
During our Forum group, we rigorously adhere to Gestalt protocol. Gestalt is a method in which an individual never gives advice to someone else but gives what is known as “experience sharing.” In fact, we simply yellow (caution) or red flag (full violation) someone who breaches gestalt when it occurs, and we do not allow for the option of giving non-Gestalt advice during the process of Forum. There are two reasons for this. First, if you tell someone, “You really should do this or that…”, you are claiming superiority over that individual and truly not helping but hurting. Second, you are not “walking the talk” but “talking the talk”. It is far easier to give someone else advice but it is far harder to share with that individual how you failed in the past or what lessons you yourself have learned from a past experience. It is simple to tell when you are getting close to violation: when the word “you” starts to dominate the comments. When it is principally “I”, you are staying in a safe zone. Unless, of course you are saying something like, “I would really not do that if I were you.” Another trick is only to use the past tense following the word “I”. For example, “I learned the lesson the hard way last year when I…” By using only the word “I” and using it in the past tense we are forced into a mode of only experience sharing rather than advice giving.
It is such a powerful, effective, and honest methodology, that Gestalt has naturally invaded every part of my life. Although outside of Forum I occasionally slip into advice giving, I do use Gestalt on many occasions and find it to be a natural way to inspire someone around you for positive change. Obviously, I myself find it easier for someone else to share their own personal story for me to learn from than that individual saying in effect, “Sam, man, you really should be…” It is always harder to swallow. When working with your kids, storytelling of your own life can prove to be an effective method of communication. With friends, with colleagues, with loved ones, with anyone basically. When you start to practice Gestalt, you open new vistas in communication, sharing, and elicit positive change almost better than any other technique.
Comments
6 Responses to “Lessons from EO Part 5 of 5: Gestalt”
Feel free to leave a comment...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
I’m catching up on your blogs, Dr Lam! You always have these interesting philosophies. It amazes me how many subjects you are knowledgeable on. Thanks for sharing your insight.
thanks for your reply. if you check out the forum section of this website, you will see under “tell me about your passions” a massive discussion of gestalt by our friend down in South America, MysteryAgain. just click on the “Ask Dr. Lam” tab.
Dr Lam: Focusing on a few items or areas does give a person an opportunity to excel in those areas. I’ve been thinking about this the last several weeks as I look at my life and the state of our nation and world. Seeing myself out of the work force and others in a similar position and then reading about those undergoing similar experiences around the world makes me realize how everything is interconnected.
Then it makes one wonder. Is everything connected just on an exterior level or is their some deeper level where things are connected in ways that we cannot or can just barely imagine? Perhaps a level of karma or spirituality operating beyond our present knowledge.
I’ve had the opportunity to catch up on my reading of western classical literature, looking for common themes. And while reviewing your recent blog postings, especially this one, it hit me that ultimately we, as people, as spiritual beings, are just trying to connect with one another.
That connection may make itself present as one-on-one face-to-face communication and evolve in multi-layered facial and verbal communication or it may present itself in the written word as in your, or others, blogs. But either way, the goal, the point, is to make that connection.
It’s almost as if group dynamics or humanity itself is a larger scale of the individual mind. Where within the mind, as represented by the brain, the individual neurons connect to form the consciousness of the individual, so too do the various communications between the individuals form the collect conscious.
And to what end? I’ll have to explore that another time. Again, thanks for your inspiration in reminding me that we are not just our jobs or what we were. Our focus can and should be on an interior examination of ourselves to see what other possibilities lie within and then for us to grasp those possibilities so that we may continue to grow in all the ways that are possible.
Thanks so much Paul. I’m glad you’re getting so much from my blogs. Given your comments I think you’ll love my blogs next week.
I am a fellow EO member and was doing a bit of research on Gestalt and came up with your blog post. Thanks for sharing in a clear and understandable way the concept. It is so simple yet so far reaching in the changes that it has had on my life and how I try to engage with those around me (both inside and outside of EO). Best
Conor
that’s cool. thanks conor. appreciate the feedback and reading my blog.
sam