Emotional Freedom Part 11 of 17: Emotional Vampire Type 1, The Narcissist
July 30, 2009 by dr. lam
I found this section of Judith Orloff’s book the most fascinating, as many readers have. She featured emotional vampires in her previous book, Positive Energy, and is now planting the same theme in her current book. Emotional vampires in short drain you, make you feel bad about yourself, make you binge eat, etc. There are certain types of emotional vampires. Understanding which type you are encountering will save you from peril.
Besides recognizing when you are in the presence of an emotional vampire, we should recognize if we are being one ourselves. Self awareness is a critical attribute for anyone, and that is what these blogs are about. Rather than punish yourself and feel self pity, just make a concerted effort to change. As you read these blogs on different types of emotional vampires, try to see if you fit the bill to any degree. If so, just be honest with yourself and make the change.
The first type of emotional vampire she talks about is the narcissist. The narcissist is hard wired to see himself/herself as special, a guru, and simply put better than you. The narcissist is self-absorbed and manipulative and incapable of deep emotion. He/she can be charming or not charming, but usually is motivated by self interest. When dealing with a narcissist, do not try to talk down to them, or you will fail. Stroke the ego and that way you can get around the personality fault. Instead of saying, “Let’s go to the party”, you can say, “everyone likes you, they’ll miss you if you were not there.” Do not get emotionally attached to a narcissist because the narcissist will most likely not provide deep emotional support for you since they are more interested in themselves. Although the best option with an emotional vampire is to escape his or her presence, the second best is to recognize what type of emotional vampire he/she is and work to circumvent the personality faults so as not to trigger any more flagrant behavior.
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4 Responses to “Emotional Freedom Part 11 of 17: Emotional Vampire Type 1, The Narcissist”
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Yeah, I’ve run across a couple people like this in my day…lol That stroking their ego bit doesn’t always work though. Sometimes it makes it worse…they just get a bigger head and turn it around on you. Like screams immature! These are the people that are impossible to work with. They can be nice, but only if they get something out of doing so…lol
Yes, understanding when you are dealing with a narcissist can help someone understand what is going on and to try to get away from that person.
I like how you mentioned that it isn’t just noticing someone else being an emotional vampire, but that we can have self awareness of any negatives we might have, and instead of self pity about it, we should make the change. Great point!
Thanks, Dr. Lam!
Great blogs!
thanks heather. yes, the trap of labeling someone an emotional vampire is that we reduce them into this negative box which may only characterize a part of who they are. also, we all may have a little vampire in us from time to time. i think labels can be an effective way to communicate ideas but in reality serve to over reduce people into tidy boxes that truly do not exist that way in reality.
Dr. Lam, that’s a very mature outlook, and true!
thanks!