The Power of Intention Part 2 of 10: Kindness
March 3, 2009 by dr. lam
I wanted to start with this one because it is how I am now seeing the world. At times my ego got in the way of seeing others with utter humility and kindness. Dyer explains what he calls the 7 faces of intention: creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, unlimited abundance, and receptivity. I will be covering some select topics regarding these 7 faces but will not necessarily cover all of the topics.
He argues that kindness must be a part of a universe of creation, as the Creator who made the world would not be making a malevolent one since it goes against the very nature of creation. Kindness is the energy that bonds all of us and keeps us as a unified whole, as I talked about in a previous blog on the art of happiness when I discussed compassion. You will find that I may repeat some areas through my blogs as far as topics go but there is a reason for that. First, I am exploring this topic from a different author’s perspective that in my opinion further deepens our understanding of a topic. A single blog is insufficient to make us understand AND REMEMBER what we need to know and to implement. At a fundamental core, I love teaching, always have and always will. I think teaching means giving to others information in a consistent and clear fashion so that the words and thoughts learned become integrated into life.
Okay, back to the subject. I was talking with a nurse who was frustrated about her experience in the ER and who voiced that someone threw money at her for a payment. I asked her what did she do in that circumstance. She said that she responded benevolently in giving the money back. I pushed deeper and asked, “Did you not harbor any hatred still deep in your heart, at least 10%?” She was quiet. I already knew the answer before asking because I could sense the tone in her voice carried anger and frustration.
I in turn responded that perhaps we could look at that person as an individual in pain and was calling out for help, stripped of all social rank, education, gender, age, etc., we just have a human in pain in front of us. I asked could we look at that human who treated us badly with open eyes seeing beyond all of those seemingly insurmountable trappings and get to the core of their humanity and just see them as someone who needed kindness? If we can do that we can radiate that kindness to those who really need it and we can then fill ourselves with that love and positivity that makes it easier for us to survive the day and to make it a more pleasurable experience.
I like this expression that Dyer says, “When we hurt others, we must hurt ourselves. When we help others, we will invariably also help ourselves.” (paraphrasing that a bit.) That is such a profound expression. I remember every time that I wanted to be malicious toward another, I felt sick inside and it literally hurt me to do it. It tore me apart. Whenever I have given generously to help someone else, I feel an exhilaration that strengthens me.
If we go into the world with a sense of hatred, anxiety, and fear in the morning, we will create that world as a manifest destiny. If we stop for a moment in the morning and see others with love, compassion, and kindness, we will be able to make a small but profound difference in all who come near us. When you go out today try to let go of all hatred toward humanity, negativity, and for a moment look at the person in front of you as a human being in pain and get to the core of their pain by offering them kindness. You will see that you can create your own world in a profoundly meaningful way and make your life and the life of those around you a meaningful and positive experience. Make a difference today.
Perform an act of kindness and don’t share that you did that with anyone. Keep it to yourself. See how you feel. Look at every human you encounter with love, compassion, and kindness. Open your heart today.
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27 Responses to “The Power of Intention Part 2 of 10: Kindness”
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Love this one. This assignment is easy-peasy for me! I won’t report back because the daily list is far, far, too long!
Sorry. I’ve already consumed nearly an entire pot of coffee in anticipation of the daily blog.
Dr. L wrote:
I remember every time that I wanted to be malicious toward another, I felt sick inside and it literally hurt me to do it. It tore me apart. Whenever I have given generously to help someone else, I feel an exhilaration that strengthens me.
I have felt the same way. I think you respond thus because you’re inherently kind, but then I think it’s actually more than that. You are choosing to be in control of how you react and behave. I picked up a little mantra here some while back and I’ve been using it when I’m tempted to be anything other than my best. It’s paraphrased to ‘be in control of yourself’. Emphasis on the end there. Thanks for that!
thanks for the insight and comments!
Wow, I love this!!! This is actually one of my heart philosophies. I make it a goal in my life to look beyond a person’s “symptoms” and look at the core of their personhood. It gives me a much richer perspective of people and aids in forming a more meaningful relationship with them.
I’ve also found that because of this approach, people feel more comfortable opening up to me with their problems. When I view people in this light, I’ve also noticed that I am able to give them advice that is much more affective than if I saw only their symptoms, because it allows me to focus on the root cause of their behavior, which helps me see why they are acting the way they do, and hopefully I can help them in the overall picture from that. Also, when people feel that I understand them without judging them, they are much more open to taking my counsel.
Dr Lam, you gave me a new perspective on the golden rule. I always think of it as doing to others as you would have them do to you, but my new perspective is, how you treat others is how they WILL treat you. Great insight!
Dr. Lam, it shows some deep insight on your part that you gave this nurse such excellent advice with that situation! I have to comment that, that was very admirable and showed profound maturity! Well deserving kudos to you! You are such the philosopher! I can tell that you are a very kind and considerate person. You are a very good example. Like I said before, the world needs more people like you!!
lol Nord, I had to laugh when you mentioned that you drank nearly a whole pot of coffee in anticipation of today’s blog. Sometime’s you say the cutest things!
Whoa! Sorry for the huge comment!
i love the huge comment!!!! keep them coming! thanks heather for spreading your own positive energy and love here. that is my life’s mission. my goal is to try to change at least one life every single day. i think i have done 3 today! i feel very good.
best,
sml
There is so much truth in these “new” – read “old” – wisdoms. If I’m not mistaken, the Bible, Koran, Talmus and Confucius all talk about the golden rule. And then there is Buddhism, of course, with the notion of “loving kindness”.
I so agree that looking at the PERSON rather than just at a behaviour that he or she displays, is key – and being kind and compassionate, especially when facing hostility or adversity, will benefit all involved. It hopefully will help to ease the other person’s suffering and will surely increase our own joy.
Looking forward to the remainder of the series!
thanks vancouver!
Thank you for writing this, Dr. Lam. I may need to read this particular blog a couple of times before it fully sinks in. You see, I am someone who used to live with kindness and compassion since childhood. I just turned 40. I grew up as a pre-Girl Scout or “Brownie” and was taught to do nice things for others in private and to let the recipient discover for him or herself the kindness that was bestowed. The inner joy of knowing that I may have brought a smile to someone else’s face was an indescribable feeling. It was a prize in and of itself. I am ashamed to admit, however, that as of a year ago, something happened to me which not only changed my outside appearance but my “insides” as well. I don’t want to sound self-indulgent, pitiful and shallow but I may very well come across that way. I have lived with fear, anxiety and bitterness since two IPL treatments that left no fat on my face, pitted scarring on what was previously smooth skin and accelerated aging of the skin. The damage continues to this day. I have not forgiven the person who did this to me and who denied responsibility for the damage. I have spent all that I have saved over the years and maxed out my credit cards to try to heal myself. Between topical products, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and fat grafting from a local surgeon, I have spent everything and now have no means to be truly restored. I feel not only ugly on the outside but also hideous on the inside, filled with bitterness and a sense of loss. Dr. Lam, I consider you to be the DaVinci of our time. You heal people’s faces and spirits. You inspire people with your artistic gifts and vast knowledge. You have too many talents for one person alone and yet you continue to excel in each area of expertise. I saw the video on your former patient who suffered fat loss from an IPL Fotofacial. She looks amazing and youthful in a very natural way. I know that my value as a human being should not be dictated by the appearance of my face but a large part of me feels robbed of my youth and free spirit. I took such good care of my skin and was always told that I looked at least eight years younger than my true age. Now, people think I am the grandmother of my own daughter. I feel no kindness towards the person who damaged my face…none whatsoever. Dr. Lam, if you are able to answer this question, I would like to know how important it would be for me to forgive the person who damaged my face and neck. I made an appointment to show her what had happened after those two IPL treatments and when she saw me come in through the door, she told her nurse to tell me that she could not see me because she “suddenly” realized how “booked” she was that day. I knew that she was trying to avoid me.
I know that I need to come to you for true and lasting restoration. But until I can save enough money, I will feel bitter, hurt and angry every time I look in the mirror. What would you advise I do? It may be several years before I could possibly save enough for either fat grafting or eye reconstruction. I apologize for the lengthy comment and hope that I did not come across as a person who was once more evolved but has since been reduced to sadness and bitterness incarnate. Thank you for your inspiring blogs, thorough videos and wonderful forum, by the way. I’ve seen just about every video (except for the ones on otoplasty, dimple creation and mole removal). Everything I’ve seen has been excellent.
The question I posed (is it necessary for me to forgive?) may not be easy to answer but if you have any words of wisdom to impart, I would greatly appreciate hearing whatever you may advise.
My deepest thanks,
Ms. G
Wow, Ms. G. That is a devastating story. I think the person you need to first forgive is yourself. As you read in my blog, when you hate or hurt someone, it only brings you with more hatred and hurt. When you love someone else, you feel that love yourself. Remember that your doctor did not wish ill toward you but now is afraid to see you because she probably feels helpless, guilt, shame, and fear. As you may have read in a previous blog, our past cannot be changed. But we can change. Look deep within your own soul and see what is beautiful. I don’t doubt that you have damage to your face but what people see now and respond to is not your beauty or lack of it but your pain. I am certain that people that walk into a room sense your anger and pain 30 feet away because that is the low vibrational energy that you radiate now. Even though we might be a great distance away from each other, I want you to feel my love, my peace, my calm, and my healing upon you. I want you to feel a sense of deep calm and true peace enter your soul. I want you not to think of your doctor but of yourself and what do you truly want in your life. If you read the Power of Now or my blogs on it, you will remember that when you look at a past problem, you can see how it could make you a better person. but only you can make that happen. i want you to heal yourself because your doctor cannot. even if i can make you better looking, true peace comes from within yourself not from me. try to close your eyes and say the words, “I am at peace.” out loud 10 times, say it every morning, and say it to your neighbor with conviction. say it as you feel the very breath and hear the very breath of yours go into your lungs and out. Life is way too short to be trapped in our own past. Once you can forgive yourself for having had the treatment, forgiveness for your doctor will come, and healing will pour into you. my blessings to you until we meet.
Ms. G, that is so sad to hear your story. You definitely have a reason to be upset with how you have been treated, especially since this neophyte plastic surgeon doesn‘t even care at all. I seriously probably wouldn’t be able to find much heart to forgive this person. Whoever, sometimes holding grudges against people that even deserve it, only hurts ourselves. Maybe if you tried to forgive this person, you will have a much calmer peace about it. I know I’m not supposed to be religious on here, but I think that a higher power will see your heart and find a way to give you true peace about it and open up doors you never knew were there. Got to keep up the high hopes here!!!!
just be careful in letting a foreign team correct you just because it is free.
Dr. Lam, I’d like to thank you with all my heart for your response and wise words. I will read your blogs on the Power of Now and then I will read the book. I will practice the exercise you recommended and work on forgiving myself. Goodness knows there has been a great deal of self-reprimanding there. I am truly honored and touched that you would take the time to share all that you have. You’re one in over six billion, Dr. Lam. You’re a gem of a surgeon (wish I had found you before) and an exceptional and gifted super being. Perhaps when we do meet, I can tell you how your answer was the impetus for change in my life beginning in the wee hours of March 5th, 2009. Thank you so much, Dr. Lam. I’ll work on healing my inner self and shall seek you out to repair the face and eyes that my baby knew the first two years of her life. It feels good to have hope.
sounds wonderful. ms. g, by touching your life, you have touched mine. i am confident in your last email that your heart will open and you will heal. i already have a smile on my face thinking of how you will see yourself in the coming months!
wow, emina, my hair transplant coordinator, just gave me a story to post here that made me cry and that relates to this topic:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/9386/TwoTenors
Hello Heather. Thank you for your kind words. The IPL treatments were done by an aesthetitian and nurse practitioner. The owner of a spa is an osteopath with a specialty in radiology. She really should have remained in her original line of work. Who knows if others have been damaged. I was worried that the IPL treatments not only melted the fat in my face but also damaged the blood vessels. My face became absolutely colorless in certain areas even with physical exertion and an elevated heart rate from exercise. Hence, I tried the hyperbaric oxygen therapy. The surgeon who did the partial- face fat grafting (only because I couldn’t afford a full face graft) tried to help me but unfortunately, the fat did not stay. Regardless, I am grateful for your extension of kindness, Heather, and am truly touched by your concern and Dr. Lam’s.
The Two Tenors story made me weepy too. Thank you Heather for reaching out and thank you again, Dr. Lam for your wisdom and inspiration. I am paying close attention to how I frame my thoughts moment by moment. And while it has been so difficult to find evidence of new and ongoing damage which almost makes me not want to be in the “Now,” I will strive to change all other aspects of my being so that I am more than this damaged face, neck and altered eyes but also a present and adoring mother of a three-year old with goals to better myself and the world around me even if I start out with tiny baby steps to effect change.
great ms. g. desire and intention are the first start. well, that is actually our subject that we are exploring these next 2 weeks!
I am so pleased to learn that, Dr. Lam. Your writings will continue to be instrumental in the healing process for me and I am certain that they will inspire countless others in numerous ways as well. Many many blessings to you, Dr. Lam.
thanks ms. g! believe it or not, your writing these comments will prove to be a cathartic release of your inner tension. just express yourself so it does not stay within you but we all will help carry your burden from across the shores of the world. i believe that you can feel my healing power from whatever distance you are from me. there is no real distance because our hearts are linked.
Omg!! Dr. Lam your last comment was so sweet!!!
*sniffle sniffle*
Ms. G, I am so glad that Dr. Lam was able to help you.
You might want to consider starting a fundraiser for your cause. I’ve found that when people have compassion for someone, they will want to help.
I love it that Dr. Lam was able to help you deal with the emotions that you are feeling. I wish I could be like that. For me, I tend to focus on what is causing those emotions, which is that you want your face back, so I more look at this as how can it be possible to get you fixed up here.
Btw, thanks for commenting on my comment and thanks for forgiving me.
I totally agree that Doctor Lam is one in a gazillion! Doc, you need to clone yourself!
Dr. Lam, your last comment truly moved me. Thank you for caring so much; it is highly evident in what you have written here as well as everything you have created on your website. No one on this planet would invest so much and live and breathe his art so exceptionally if that person really didn’t care as much as you do. Thank you for being outstanding in so many ways. I am changing myself from within – slowly but surely. My gratitude to you for setting me on the right course is unbounded. I am making plans to see you and though it may be a while from now, my intentions are fully focused on making that prospect a reality.
Heather, thank you again for sharing your ideas and for offering your support. I definitely feel the kindness from both you and Dr. Lam. Blessings to you both.
heather,
so sorry but i had to remove the plastic surgery endorsements (even though that was not your Intention) for a couple of reasons:
1. i do not believe in endorsing or promoting another plastic surgeon or group of surgeons on here even if it is just a contest.
2. i cannot be responsible for other people following your advice to try out a plastic surgery contest.
i just need this forum to follow some basic philosophical principles i have laid out. thanks again for contributing and don’t let this comment stop you from your wonderful comments. i really appreciate them.
thanks ms. g. i am glad that we all can reach out and help each other. even though i am the “ringleader” here, we all share and give love. i think it is tremendously heartwarming. thanks everyone for all your comments, inputs, thoughts, love, and humor!
That’s perfectly fine, Dr. Lam. I COMPLETELY apologize. I was going to delete it too, but couldn’t. *shame* I’m doomed once I press that “submit” button! How absolutely inappropriate of me!! I’ll read the community guidelines over again. I believe most sites have a record of something like three deleted posts and someone’s out. I’ll try to stick around. Thanks for allowing me to post pretty much anything on here though. You have really been thoughtful with your forum. Really, unbelievably thoughtful!!
I am truly terribly, terribly, terribly….(infinity) SORRY!!!
don’t worry heather. you’re cool! don’t be sorry. i will give you 10 more strikes. just don’t take advantage of them! have a great weekend!
sml
Have a great weekend yourself.