Psycho-Cybernetics Part 13 of 30: Happiness is not Conditional
May 26, 2009 by dr. lam
In our pursuit of happiness, we oftentimes are pushed by external circumstances to define that level of happiness. Maltz uses the example of a game show host when the “Applause” sign goes on, we applaud. When the “laughter” sign goes on, we are asked to laugh. We are like sheep that must respond to the external circumstances that dictate to us how to behave. True happiness falls outside of external circumstances.
In his book, a woman of a drunkard asks Maltz, “How can I be happy?” Maltz responded, “I don’t know but you can be happier by resolving not to add resentment and self-pity to your misfortune.” The sage Epictetus said, “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.” Don’t add your opinion to unhappy events. Don’t make the situation any worse. Instead, when we try our best to liberate our mind from unhappy events and live in a state of happiness, we can be in a much better place.
Maltz also envisions human beings as goal-striving. When we are moving in a certain direction, we are happy. When we are not, we are not. Obviously, this striving can be read as a stark contrast to the idea of contentment espoused in previous blogs extracted from the Far East. I would say that we can put this paradox to rest by seeing that “goal striving” is a product of what I would like to call purpose or meaning. If our goals are superficial, e.g., just to be rich, then perhaps we will not arrive at happiness. But when we have more meaningful goals in our life, we can perhaps have something to move toward, which can be a source of happiness. Put another way, when the anxiety over that goal makes our current state unhappy, then we have failed to grasp Maltz’s true meaning of being happy today with that happiness amplified by seeing a direction in our life that we are moving toward. All of my faithful blog readers know that I use the word “journey” to describe the process that we are all on in self growth and self actualization. Accordingly, we can fully grasp the apparent paradox of current happiness and goal striving. I think Lao-Tzu would be proud of how we can resolve an apparent paradox. Namaste.
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2 Responses to “Psycho-Cybernetics Part 13 of 30: Happiness is not Conditional”
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I totally agree with Maltz that human beings are goal-striving, and that we are happy when we are moving towards our goals. But I love it, Dr. Lam, that you mentioned that this goal-striving is a product of purpose/meaning! Excellent! Very brilliant that if our goals are superficial that maybe we won’t arrive at happiness. Excellent deduction! I always wondered why some people that seem like they should be happy are not and this could very well be the reason. I like it also that you mentioned that if we have anxiety over a goal that makes us unhappy that we have failed to grasp a true state of happiness, but that we can get this happiness back by seeing the direction that we are moving forward. Great!
I think that if people look at happiness the way you have described it, they will be less prone to depression.
Excellent all around, Dr. Lam!!
Thanks for leading all of us on this journey!
great heather. glad you can see my reasoning to take a paradox between two thinkers and achieve unity that does not seem to be a conflict in my opinion. have a great night!
sml