Psycho-Cybernetics Part 22 of 30: Capriati and Poise

June 10, 2009 by  

17706Poise is defined as the ability to remain calm and liberated even in the face of unfamiliar or strange circumstances.  James Mangan, the famous salesman, author and lecturer, was painfully self-conscious whenever he ate in fine dining establishments. He felt out of his element and was wondering if what fork he used was wrong, if he behaved in a less than civil manner, etc.  Whenever he felt this constraint on his personality, he would say to himself, “I’m going to eat with Ma and Pa.”  By doing that, he was alleviated about that social situation and also many others.  He eventually became immune to the thoughts of strangers and strange situations.  Similarly, when we are so fearful of what someone else thinks of us, we cannot act freely and are restricted. When our conscious thought is restricted, so follows our unconscious servo-mechanism.  Our creative mechanism is stifled and so is our potential to do anything great.

Jennifer Capriati, once a 14-year-old tennis wunderkind, between 1990 to 1993 reached three Grand Slam semifinals and captured the 1992 Olympic gold medal in Barcelona.  But then her career took a nose dive.  She left the tour for 2 years and in 1994 was arrested for possession of drugs and for shoplifting.  Capriati traced her disillusionment to when she lost the Grand Slam semifinal to Monica Seles.  When she made her comeback, a journalist reported, “There seems to be two key reasons for Capriati’s renaissance — concluding it didn’t matter what people believed about her and learning to stop believing bad things about herself.”  In 2001, she beat Martina Hingis in the Australian Open finals and then defended her championship the next year as well as winning the 2001 French Open.  She has racked up 14 singles titles and 1 doubles title during her career.

Capriati’s comeback was based on finally forgetting whatever anyone else thought of her as well as what she thought of herself and just doing the job.  When our self image is finally liberated from the confines of how we fear other people will see us or how we will see ourselves, we can unleash a powerful new self image that in turn promotes a healthy and free unconscious servo-mechanism.  Our true personality can shine and we can be free.

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6 Responses to “Psycho-Cybernetics Part 22 of 30: Capriati and Poise”

  1. Heather :) on June 10th, 2009 9:32 pm

    Dr. Lam, these are great blog posts!

    I’m glad you brought this up.
    Whenever I start to worry about what everyone else thinks, I just ask myself rather I would notice someone else doing the same thing I am doing, and I typically find that I wouldn’t think anything of it, which then leads me to realize that it also doesn’t matter what other people think. Of course, it is always good to consider other people’s advice or input, but worrying about what others think or what we think they think really can paralyze someone from being able to live. Knowing this usually helps me feel comfortable being myself without all the needless worries of trying to conform to a standard way of acting, although I like to be considerate of others at the same time just that I am not being controlled by a fear of what others think.

    I really like your example of Jennifer Capriati…about the creative mechanism being stifled and also the potential to do anything great. That was very profound. Excellent!

  2. dr. lam on June 10th, 2009 9:36 pm

    thanks heather. i think the contradiction is absolutely possible. being expressive, open, caring does not make one not thoughtful or deliberate in one’s actions and words. beautiful thinking and insight. thanks again for the great comments…that are very thoughtful too!

  3. Will Fairchild on June 10th, 2009 9:42 pm

    Dr. Sam, a good read. Learning that other people are not inherently that interested in me was a turning point for release of fear and tension in many settings. Actually, I think I was quite conceited by thinking people actually cared about my trivial actions that worried me.

    Thanks for the blogs — I really enjoy them.


  4. dr. lam on June 10th, 2009 9:44 pm

    hi will,
    first i can’t tell you how excited i am to see you on here and commenting. thanks for expressing your honest emotions here. love your honesty! hope all is well.
    best wishes,

  5. Heather :) on June 11th, 2009 8:23 pm

    That is a very good point, Will. I never thought of it like that but very true! Thanks for sharing! Glad that there are new blog buddies here! :)

  6. dr. lam on June 11th, 2009 8:41 pm

    more blog buddies!!!!

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