Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 11 of 20: Living Softly
April 13, 2009 by dr. lam
The 43rd Verse:
The softest of all things
overrides the hardest of all things.
That without substance enters where there is no space.
Hence I know the value of nonaction.
Teaching without words,
performing without actions –
few in the world can grasp it –
that is the master’s way.
Rare indeed are those
who obtain the bounty of this world.
Lao-Tzu’s writing takes a lot from nature, and in the first stanza he is elliptically referring to the way that water moves. Water is the softest of all things and effortlessly flows forward. Too often we are always in a determined hurry to push ourselves through force of determined will to advance. However, if we are like water, we flow forward effortlessly.
Many runners talk about the ability to improve their running by letting the mind’s interference go. When the mind tells the runners they must do this or they can’t possibly do that, there is an imminent failure. However, when the runner starts to work in an effortless plane and make the mind soft, they can propel themselves more easily to the finish line without even knowing it.
When we meet resistance in life, we force our ways through the resistance with a hardness of character. We might just find that by not trying too hard, we can succeed much more. Sometimes the beauty is in the nonaction and in the peace of silence. I myself am guilty of the need to always do and not let things go and just be. If we are encountering a difficult situation in which we are trying to cram a square peg into a round hole, perhaps we need to be soft like water and allow rather than force. We may more easily pass around the obstacle and flow forward rather than abruptly force ourselves in a way that hurts us, hurts others, and may lead to ultimate failure.
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13 Responses to “Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 11 of 20: Living Softly”
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Brilliant. Yesterday I heard something good, something in harmony with spirit of these excerpts: “Too often we strive to fill an infinite space with that which is finite.”
Thanks for another great blog entry.
thanks nord! missed you on friday. hope you had a Happy Easter!
Good-TY, and yes.
This entry made me think of something else I heard once that I’ve tried to keep close in mind. “Don’t just do something, stand there.” ( a play on the usual command) So often, we feel it imperative to do, to say. Maybe this isn’t the same, but this 43rd verse evokes to me something like that.
i’ve got one coming up that will almost copy what you just expressed. as a hint, it is the most famous verse (or one of the two most famous verses) of the Tao Te Ching. Don’t google it. just wait. patience.
Nord is right……brilliant!
Dr. Lam! I was just going to google that!!! ..lol You know I have a problem with patience! Maybe you need to do a blog on patience one of these days.
Dr. Lam, I cannot tell you how profound this blog post is. It is actually rather coincidental too. My brother and I spent about an hour over the weekend talking of this same concept. Very interesting topic!
Sad to say, I will admit that I am probably the queen of force.
I have been trying to work on this problem for quite a while now and have made progress but still have a long way to go. It is a whole psychological mentality that I am dealing with and is difficult to break. Ironically, I’ve found that in my effort to try not to force things, I have found that I am forcing not forcing, which is forcing in and of itself, thus progressing me nowhere. Serious problem I have! I am contemplating how I can break that whole mentality. There is so much wisdom in this concept of doing something effortlessly versus the mind forcing something. It seems the more I contemplate this concept, the more of a profound understanding I am getting of it. Here’s my take or my theory rather…
As I’ve mentioned before, I am very analytical. For me, I have to feel like I have to be cognizant or in control of all aspects of my life. I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety letting anything go undetermined. I also create a tremendous amount of anxiety trying to control all these categories, so either way I am creating anxiety. I’ve been thinking that if I have to try to control things, this means that I am not really in true control. What I need to realize is that perhaps being in true control is letting oneself not try as hard, and then this will allow one to succeed much more without knowing it, because it will allow someone to be in a state of true control. Perhaps I should not consider it just “letting go” but rather allowing myself to be in true control by letting go. This could help eliminate any form of anxiety there as well.
I think being in true control means that whatever someone wishes to do, it is natural for that person to do it. S/he is not fighting against anything, so there is no resistance and thus no need to force anything. Whatever effort one puts forth to do something, seems effortless, because that person is in a state of true control, and whatever effort that is put forth seems effortless because the desire is stronger.
I think that by “letting go” and allowing rather than forcing that this puts one in a natural state of being in control rather than a false control, and this is why control seems to come naturally. It is natural control and not something that one has to deliberately focus on maintaining.
Okay, my idea of being out of control is not being able to do what one wishes, or where someone faces extreme difficulty doing what they wish. When a runner tells himself that he has to run or must run, there is imminent failure, because he has reached out of touch with natural control and has put himself in a state of false control of trying to control. I think the mere concept of having to do something or making oneself do something is putting someone in a false state of control, and so in this state, anything that a person wishes to achieve becomes something that that person has to force. And in most cases having to force something just means failure. It is all out of rhythm with what is natural in my opinion. I’m preaching to myself here. This is a completely new concept for me. Totally just my theory here…
I think that sometimes people get ‘true control & effort’, confused with the ‘forcing effort’. I know I have. Here’s what I mean… Let’s face it, it sure looks like it takes some form of the word “effort” to run. People automatically assume that runners are forcing themselves to run, because effort is involved. This idea is completely understandable, but it is important to make the distinction. I hardly think that anyone is going to go off and run without putting forth some form of effort, but what is interesting is when someone focuses on forcing the effort, the effort becomes hard and maybe even too hard; whereas, when someone doesn’t focus on forcing anything but develops a natural desire to run, the desire to run is greater than the effort and thus running becomes effortless, even though effort is certainly there, just that the mind didn’t have to do any forcing. So it’s letting go, but it is not losing sight of effort, just understanding that effort is not a forced thing. So how does one go about doing something that they know they need to do but don’t exactly have a desire to? Well, I’ve found that instead of saying, “I need to exercise or I should exercise.”(just like you mentioned, Dr. Lam), I tell myself to experiment and aim to have fun with exercise and develop a desire to increase it and then naturally continue it without focusing on the pressures of having to. I’ve found that this actually creates in inward desire to exercise and I find that I will naturally find ways and time to incorporate exercise without having to force anything. So in a sense I am “letting go”, but I am doing so in a way that will allow me greater ability to achieve my goals. It all becomes natural. So I think focusing on aiming to develop a natural desire to achieve or do something, making sure to steer clear of any thoughts of having to do something, that this will allow someone to be able to be in a state of true control and will thus put that person in a state of being able to do what they want to without having to force anything.
Of course there are more examples that don’t just involve exercise, like dieting. I’m sure that these same principles help people lose weight. People that focus on a rigid diet and the fact that they have to lose weight and have to avoid certain foods, probably experience great difficulty being able to make progress in this area, because they are forcing it and entering a false state of control and thus welcoming failure. Whereas, if they focus on developing a desire to like healthful food and tells themselves that they don’t have to do anything, and direct their focus on other things, they will naturally gain control in this area, and thus will lose weight effortlessly. Okay, now I am really philosophizing, but the principles are the same here as before so if this philosophy is true, then it should be true in all areas of life.
Okay, wow, I think I have a whole new perspective on my thinking patterns and how I live. I am going to practice this concept this week and hopefully see some progress in how it will have enriched my life at the end of the week.
Thank you, Dr. Lam, you will never know how much your blogs have helped me in my life. I am sure that tons of other people are getting a ton out of them too. Like I said before, you are one in a gazillion, Dr. Lam! And I mean it!
Okay, like whoa!!! I think I just beat my last comment record.
Golly!!!!
Gee Whiz! That is some comment! Yikes!
thanks so much heather. i am working on a new blog series that takes this one blog and blows it up into a 30 part series. the idea of the conscious and the unconscious will be excruciatingly detailed, and i think you will love it. yes, again patience. 2 more weeks and then your desire to learn more about this one blog’s topic will be covered in great great great detail. i really am proud of this next blog series that will take 6 weeks to cover. patience, can’t tell you what it is. sorry to be a tease.
Yikes, Dr. Lam, I have a whole theory on the subconscious and the conscious minds. A whole big theory..lol Be expecting some gigantic comments then..lol I can’t wait for those blogs!!!!!
hey, at least we’re not wasting any ink and trees on this one. lol.
That’s a very good point, Dr. Lam.
Good Night!
GN (as the great nord says)
Okay, I get it! I may be slow, but I caught it!!! You little rascal!