Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 20 of 20: Living Without Resentments
April 24, 2009 by dr. lam
The 79th Verse:
After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.
What can one do about it?
Being content with what you have
is always best in the end.
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,
or hostility will never turn to goodwill.
So the wise always gives without expecting gratitude.
One with true virtue
always seeks a way to give.
One who lacks true virtue
always seeks a way to get.
To the giver comes the fullness of life;
to the taker, just an empty hand.
This dichotomy of the world between givers and takers is a wonderful way to see the universe and how you fit in it. When I begin each day, I hope for the chance to help heal someone emotionally, physically, or both. My mission is to give. Too often when a plastic surgeon looks at a patient, he sees a potential source of revenue, i.e., to take. I love the idea that each patient that I have can be a recipient of my giving and not a conduit for me to make more money. Yes, of course, plastic surgery is my business, but I look at my life’s mission as something truly deeper and more profound.
In addition, this verse talks about how we can harbor resentment after a quarrel because we end quarrels with a mutually negative termination. We refuse to give up a position, and we must put our ego on the offensive and the defensive. We believe we have the right to be upset because of someone else’s actions or words. I like what Dyer says, “Make this your standard response to any future altercations: I end on love, no matter what!” As stated in Lao-Tzu’s other verses, we should return kindness for any unkindness that we receive. By being a giver and openly giving of ourselves, especially our love, we simply let go of ego so that no conflicts arise in front of us and therefore resentment never builds.
Today, don’t start a conflict. If a conflict is started, look for ways to end it with kindness and love. Rather than be angry at the world, be loving. Rather than to take from others today, look for ways to give of yourself without the expectation of gratitude or praise.
I hope all of you have enjoyed and learned as much from this masterful book of 81 verses as I have. This month-long meditation has been filtered through Dyer then filtered again through me. I chose only 20 of the 81 verses that had personal resonance for me and that I thought would be helpful for all of you as well. I encourage all of you to read the Tao Te Ching in full and perhaps select your own verses that can help you with your daily life. These verses are the ones that I needed to learn from and wanted to share with you.
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6 Responses to “Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 20 of 20: Living Without Resentments”
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Thanks for ALL of this, Dr. Lam. You are a unique educator. You’ve taught me things I won’t forget.
Now I must get to work. DH complains I’m online too much, so I’ll just read. I am learning a lot and I appreciate you all so much.
namaste
thanks nord. no problem with just reading. thanks for reading and being with us. i’m learning a lot myself right now in houston at an EO business conference. yeah!
Yes, thank you for these wonderful blogs, and to everyone for sharing their thoughts!
I’m off to work now too, and will focus on the “not expecting gratitude” part. I work with the public a lot and have to admit that occassionally the thought “s/he could have said thank you” does cross my mind. So, although I’m happy to help someone out (“giving”), I catch myself sometimes subconsciously expecting an acknowledgment in return (“taking”). I have noticed that I am actually the happiest if I have just helped someone and do NOT have this thought even though I didn’t get a thank you, but nevertheless, sometimes the thought creeps up.
Well, I’d like to think I’m a bit wiser than when I was younger, but obviously there is still a lot to learn:)
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!
namaste
Dr. Lam, thank you again, for interpreting all these verses from Dyer and from you- for us to read and thanks for and all the work you put into these blogs! I got a lot out of them!
Dr. Lam, great points you made today.
I really think that when people have a “giving” attitude compared to a “taking” mentality that they actually benefit more in general, and this can either be in financial success, because people can sense when someone is genuine and will probably more flock to that person/company, etc, but it can also be in other areas of life. I’ve found that if I have a “giving” spirit, I tend to either succeed more in multiple ways, or grow personally more than I would if I had a “taking” attitude. Also, I’ve found that what would constitute “work” with a “taking” mentality, constitutes enjoyment when considering it as “giving”. So attitude can really reap benefits for someone, rather it is monetary or in other ways.
I also really like your point about always ending a conflict with love and kindness. That is very good wisdom! Love it, Dr. Lam!!
Great points, Vancouver! I will have to catch up on all your insightful comments. Love them!
Nord, I always love you comments, but that is totally understandable if you can’t comment. Hey as long as you are still around!
I will miss you input though. 
Have a great weekend, everyone!!!
Sam! I was searching for Tao vs 17 and your blog popped up. Awesome.
cool josh!