The Mastery of Love Part 9 of 10: Sex, The Biggest Demon in Hell
March 26, 2009 by dr. lam
Ruiz’s treatment of the need for sex is nothing short of brilliant. We have bodily needs that must be fulfilled that include food, water, shelter, sleep, and sex. However, we grow up with a tremendous amount of puritanical ambivalence toward sexuality and related guilt. What Ruiz tries to do is to separate the mind from the body. He argues that sometimes when we eat, we still need more food even though our body is fully sated. Sometimes we need more clothing to purchase not because our body demands it but because our mind pushes us toward further acquisitions for the simple sake of it. Our mind and body are joined but separate. When we confuse the two, that is when we get into trouble. Our body may require sex but our mind doesn’t. Our mind needs love.
He uses an example of a married woman who encounters a handsome gentleman in the street and who starts to feel physically attracted to him. She then feels guilt about what she felt and then turns away. She sees him again, and her hormones rise exponentially. She then commits adultery with this man and feels a combination of exhilaration and self hatred. Although we cannot deny when our bodies feel attraction, we act on those desires when we would lead to our own destruction because our mind is not satisfied. We must separate bodily needs from the fragility of what our mind wants.
When we begin to realize that eating for the sake of eating only leads to obesity, and buying more and more clothing only leads to an insatiable desire for more clothing, then we realize the faults of the mind and not the body. We must attribute the failures in our mind and not the body. Our body wants what it wants but our mind is oftentimes the culprit for pushing us toward things that would lead to our own self destruction because we do not perceive it to be a problem in the mind.
To return to the last several days of blogs, when we begin to love ourselves unconditionally, we will be able to love those around us in a similar way and we will attract those individuals into our lives. Too often when we are on a pattern of self destruction like excessive drinking and eating, our mind (and not our body) wants to be around others with a similar predisposition. If we go to a bar, who are we going to find? Of course, people that like to drink. Then we start hanging out with those people who like to drink. What happens when we leave that self-abusive behavior? Our “friends” cannot understand us and we then feel alienated. We must then find new friends that vibrate at our new energy level. We must always be sensitive to what our body desires and what our mind tells us we desire.
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11 Responses to “The Mastery of Love Part 9 of 10: Sex, The Biggest Demon in Hell”
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Whew. This one seems to require no staring. Immediate, complete sense. My first thought: that guy (in photo) may have angle implants. (Very bad indication where my mind has been!) But importantly and not superficially, things are not always as they seem. I think THAT is in harmony with this blog entry.
I don’t care about clothes as much as many-10 items that are quality and suit me and I’m good. Too much food/drink, no, not a draw. Self-control in most areas above average. But, uhh (and it is a p.s. site:). I am somewhat addicted to p.s., trying to fix every beauty issue, real or imagined. Very bad! This is clear. I won’t waste your time trying to help me on this one, Dr. Lam. I have good awareness of the why. I have gotten so much positive feedback from people and I think it’s (I’m) creating a spiral. This, however, is only part of the why.
no problem nord. as i said, we are all on a great journey in life. glad you can take that journey with me, or should i say us, in our lovely community. i love italian clothing and nice food. but, nicely, i rarely over buy clothing. i just buy a nice piece of something maybe once or twice a year so hopefully that does not count as an addiction. lol. my goodness, i love loro piana! there i said it. admission is the first step. food, i love too. unfortunately, my will power there is not as good. must cut down the niceties of eating. so we all have some weaknesses out there so long as we recognize them and we try our best to move forward with things, i think we all can grow together!
Googled Loro Piana (of course, lol) and laughed when I saw the image-looked just like YOU. You shouldn’t give up that ‘addiction’. That’s nice stuff!!!!!!!!!!! Very you.
haha. off to surgery now!
I have to return and tell something that happened today. I was driving to bookstore to pick up a copy of Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning–a b-day gift for a party tomorrow night. I saw a large buzzard in the road, working on some carrion. I slowed and swerved to avoid hitting the beast. They don’t always get away in time. Perhaps 30 seconds later, a large rock-hauling truck threw a stone that fatally cracked my windshield, the one I’d been worried about seconds earlier! The great thing: I barely reacted to the instant knowledge that I’d be spending $$$$ (yes, that much, lol) and I only slightly grimaced and said, “Daaannng.” That is SOOOO not how I might’ve experienced the small event, say, one year ago. I tell this all to THANK you, to give the credit to your effort in these blogs. I don’t think it’s one entry or another, rather a confluence.
I also realized as I drove on–the guiltless driver will never know the inconvenience, the money, the time, he cost me through our intersection on that space of road. It led me to ponder one hour (the length of the trip) how often MY actions, or just I, have done similarly in my life. I felt the nicest sense of peace somehow. I wish I could describe it better or tie it in somehow with everything I’ve been reading here. I just know that it has everything to do with exposure to the ideas you’re sharing. Thanks!!
(Would’ve placed this elsewhere-hope it’s o.k. here.)
that is a “nice” story. i think in many respects we don’t have any accidents. the stone that was thrown at you, you were able to dodge well because your heart is at the right place. i am very proud of how far you and all of us have come along in our journey together. it’s fun, exciting, and rewarding. i am in an accountability group for my forum and my accountability partner, carl, will call my mom to make sure that over each month that i maintain the peace and calm that i have “preached” in these blogs. it is far too easy to preach something and live something else. this past month with some changes in my spa, i freaked out a couple of times. but i shall not let that happen again. i am now at a more concerted peaceful state. i think we all need multiple accountability groups to keep us straight. this is in a certain respect a cyber accountability group.
Forgive if I’m writing too much. Your candor there is very refreshing. You have a great deal of responsibility in many arenas; you are quite a man to be so honest. I want to tell you one more thing quickly. I am NOT shy, not particularly self-conscious in any setting. I am almost always very nervous before I arrive at LFP. The reasons are numerous but unimportant here. I know (based on experience) that as SOON as I see your face, am in your presence, I will be calm. (To anybody else–this is no love letter to the doctor–meet him and it’ll make sense.) It’s the energy YOU give. I want you to know that, or know it again, or in yet another way. THAT is beautifu, understated,l and rare.
G-N
cool. thanks! really appreciate it. really do.
Nord, I have to admit that subconsciously it crossed my mind when I saw that girl (in the pic) that she has the ideal chin definition that I am contemplating on getting via an anatomically extended chin implant…(Dr. Lam, remember that okay, for when I come in to get a chin implant…lol) Shows what’s been on my mind too…lol
Nord, you are like so hilarious!!! I had to, of course, google “Loro Piana” too…lol Wow, Dr. Lam, you must be a pretty classy guy! Has anyone ever heard of “Target”?..lol
Okay, I’ll confess my weakness areas since everyone else is…It’s pretty apparent that I have a diet Dr. Pepper addiction, because the whole time while I was on my trip, I was having withdrawal symptoms because I didn’t have direct access to it! Oh yes, internet addiction too!
Whoa, it sounds like Ruiz and Freud sure must have shared the same theory..lol I would butt in my input on this, but I’ll refrain because I am like so not qualified to be talking on this subject.
I did however, really like the idea of what the body needs, versus what the mind needs. As for what are actual “bodily” needs and what are actual “mind” needs, I think where to draw the line is somewhat more vague than what Ruiz laid out; I mean there are more needs than what he laid out too…like makeup..lol I didn’t hear him mention that! That’s pretty high up there…lol I also think that sometimes the mind actually triggers the body to actually need something, so they are not as separated as one might think, but I think that was kind of the point here anyway. I’ll use my example of being addicted to diet Dr. Pepper. I’ll pick on myself here. Because my mind tells me that I have to have it, my body actually tells me that I need it, so it somehow goes in a continuous cycle, and if I don’t have my diet Dr. Pepper at this point, I start feeling the withdrawals…lol I think this is actually true for any addiction and that is why people go through the withdrawal symptoms. Their mind and body are both playing off of each other. Okay, now I sound like a major soda addict! I really need to deal with this…lol Okay, I am going to replace my diet Dr. Pepper with water starting tomorrow. Anyhow, I just think that the mind and body are more intertwined than one might think. I think they kind of play off each other. I don’t know.
Hey thanks, Dr. Lam, for all your blogs!
Glad that the blog buddies are commenting!!!
Wow, I didn’t know my comment was that long!!!
ok, i agree. diet dr. pepper is really good. i am now drinking unsweetened tea more since it is my new addiction that is a bit healthier.