Excuses Begone! Part 9 of 12 : Changing Your Paradigm
October 7, 2009 by dr. lam
In the final section of Dyer’s book, Excuses Begone!, he summarizes ways for you to implement the changes he outlines in the first part of the book. Constructive, pragmatic tools that can facilitate one’s change in paradigm and thereby change in behavior. Many of his ideas have been covered in past blogs but are worth repeating herein as a gentle reminder of ways to improve our lot in life. Here is what he recommends:
- Stop labeling- Many times we append words to action that not only condemn the action but the person committing it. He uses the example of “I am forgetful” for his forgetting his keys all the time. This attitude compelled him to live up to his own expectations of forgetfulness, and he continued to forget his keys. He first stopped labeling himself as an individual of forgetfulness and worked to become more aware of his keys, how they felt in his hands, the action he took upon leaving his car or his house, and he saw how the forgetfulness started to dissipate. Stop condemning yourself for a past action or thought and become free of it by removing any labels you might have about it.
- Start living life fully in the now- We have probably addressed this issue so much that it is almost not worth repeating here, but it is. We can live life in a very mundane routine when we stop feeling our surroundings. When we sit in a chair, we don’t feel the chair. When we eat food, it is tasteless because we are thinking about what we need to do in 10 minutes. We don’t enjoy the company we keep because our mind is somewhere else. Constrain yourself to feel everything around you and fully live in the moment. When you do so, you liberate yourself from the pervading, nagging judgment that you hold in your conscious and subconscious mind and you begin to truly feel connected with the moment.
- Stop complaining and explaining- When we complain we essentially create a verbal excuse about our behavior, “Oh, it is not my fault, did you see what she did to me?” We hold other people accountable and try to free ourselves from our own actions. Remember to try to live by the first of the four agreements, to be impeccable with your word, meaning to be clean with how you say things. That will help remove our constant need to complain about ourselves and of others. Many people may not accept you or may doubt your intentions. You may feel the need to explain your situation to them. Allow yourself the freedom to stop explaining everything you do. You can keep your explanations to a small cadre of friends and family who truly understand you deeply.
- Live in a supportive and caring world- The world is how we create that world. If we see other people as negative toward us, we will live in such a fashion. If we see that other people are essentially kind and want to help us, we will have more help than we need. We create the environment we want by how we see it. Changing our attitude will become an important first step to change our world. Excuses do not live in a world that is free of hostility and blame. Excuses only live in a world that we create and won’t let go because we need them to get by. Co-create your world as a loving, kind world and live that way.
Comments
2 Responses to “Excuses Begone! Part 9 of 12 : Changing Your Paradigm”
Feel free to leave a comment...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
Finally getting to your blogs, Dr. Lam! Love ‘em!!! I was going to do them tomorrow morning, but couldn’t sleep! These are really good points here.
1. Stop labeling- I find myself telling myself that I have OCD, etc. Instead of labeling OCD as a disorder and thinking of it as something I “have”, I now look at it as a behavior or an emotion. Just putting this stuff to use here!
2. I think living in the now is something I really need to work on and I’m glad that you are stressing that, Dr. lam. I think that at my point in life, I am mainly focused on how my future is going to unfold and all the dreams I have for the future, and I tend to view the now as only a stepping stone for that, but living in the now makes life so much richer so thanks for stressing that.
3. I am always explaining myself…lol Gee, I wonder what kind of world I live in…lol Great advice!
4. I love how you described that our world is how we create it. That is very true. Of course, there are our circumstances, but that can be changed to a degree, so truly it is our world that we have created. Thanks for the reminder!
Like I said, great points here!!
thanks heather!!! glad you can apply these concepts so concretely.