Human Relations & Leadership Part 1 of 3: Exhibiting Self-Control
October 28, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Somehow the past several weeks, I have really enjoyed compartmentalizing my blogs into 3-part series. Perhaps I am trying to get you to come back to read more the next day. Perhaps it is in homage to my good friend in South Korea, Dr. Young-Kyoon Kim, who is both a cosmetic surgeon and an artist and who is fascinated with the number 3. Whatever reason, I enjoy these mini-serial blogs that explore a topic more in depth than a single longwinded blog could accomplish. (This one is longwinded enough.)
I really enjoy my job and one of the most fascinating parts to me is the human relations we have with one another. I am also fascinated by leadership. This blog is about both. Exhibiting a positive force on those individuals around you. Today we are going to talk about controlling one’s temper. I had a leader of mine who came into my office with staff in tow and who was visibly irate. Reportedly, my leader had lost her temper and fired off some less than genteel words toward her followers (I am putting this mildly.) I could clearly see that her followers had lost significant respect for her (and so did I). I realized that her leadership skills were deeply in peril, and I alleviated her of her job almost immediately.
I separated out my staff from her and first talked to my staff and apologized for her behavior and that I considered it unacceptable. I then moved my former leader into a room and said, “If you can’t control yourself, how do you expect to control those around you.” Obviously, I did not mean “control” in a dominating way but control in the sense of having people under you inspired to follow you. Essentially, she had no answer and that compelled me to end her career as a leader in my workplace.
I really look at all my staff as leaders influencing everyone around them. Don’t think you have to be the “boss” to have this blog relate to you. Oftentimes the boss is not the titular boss. If you read Emotional Intelligence you will understand that the real boss is the person who walks into a room and instinctively commands respect and followership. Typically, if no one is following you, there are two reasons for this problem. You didn’t inspire followership or you didn’t hire the right people that can be inspired. Accordingly, I blame the leader not the followers for most things. My leaders are held to a higher accountability.
Back on subject, I have experienced so many terrible leaders during my surgical apprenticeship in large part because surgeons have a God mentality and their arrogance obscures their ability to inspire followership. Honestly, I chose not to do my residency at Baylor College of Medicine, my alma mater, in large part because I was going to be exposed to a group of general surgeons who did not exemplify what I strived to be. I intuitively avoided being abused so that I would not perpetuate that abuse forward. My mentor, Ed Williams, with whom I did my fellowship is an exemplar of leadership excellence and humility in the face of adversity. After 18 fellowship interviews, many of which I truly loved, I realized that I needed to be with Ed because he was going to teach me as much as how to be a surgeon as how to be a gentleman. Thanks Ed for your foundation for excellence!