The Art of Happiness Part 5 of 5: Confronting Suffering
January 9, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
There is the famous tale told in The Art of Happiness of Kisa Gotami, a woman who lost her child and who went to the Great Buddha to help her return her child back from the dead. The Buddha said, “No worries, I have a solution.” The woman replied, “Ah, I knew you would have an answer for me” with great hope in her heart. Buddha said, “Please go to a household and ask to have some of their mustard seed. However, just make sure that household has not suffered the loss of a family member or friend.” With elation, the woman went out to a household and was able to easily procure the mustard seed, a common item. But when she inquired, “Did any of your family or friends suffer death?” The answer would return, “Please leave this house. Of course, we have experienced death in this household.” With great frustration, Kisa Gotami buried her son in the forest. She returned to the Buddha now with the understanding that all men suffer and that her selfishness and longing for what was not possible only compounded her suffering.
Suffering is part of life. Death is part of life. We all grieve at certain losses of loved ones, friends, possessions, social rank, etc. However, suffering is inescapable. It is part of our very existence. When we accept suffering as a fact, we can unburden ourselves that our suffering is somehow unique. We can share that suffering with others in compassion (see yesterday’s blog) and we should try to carry the burden of another’s suffering as our own through our compassion. When we recognize the impermanence of life and things we can confront our suffering as we should, which is that it is a fact that will occur. Through acceptance, we can lighten our burden and not make it weigh us down to the point of not seeing forward or upward or around it.
Buddhist thought espouses that there are 4 Noble Truths: 1. Life means suffering.; 2. The origin of suffering is attachment.; 3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.; and 4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering. Without engaging in a thorough exegesis of Buddhism (which I couldn’t do anyway since my knowledge is at best cursory from just reading this short book), suffice it to understand that our path to eliminate suffering involves eliminating 3 behaviors: ignorance, craving, and hatred. Ignorance does not involve stupidity but ignorance of the fact that life will have suffering and that is part of our samsara, or existence. Second, the origin of suffering is our attachment or craving and constantly wanting (please read Tuesday’s blog on contentment.) Third, we must let go of hatred.
When someone attacks you, it is your response to the hatred that will either create your own destiny of self destruction or provide a channel of freedom based on your response to it. If you do not allow the hatred to consume you but to pass you by, that will free you. I have a gentleman who wanted to blaspheme my reputation and engage in slander. Of course, my initial reaction was vehement hatred, but I am truly truly free of that. I look at all humanity with equanimity and compassion and feel compassion for such an individual and for all humanity equally. I feel an intimate connection to all pain out there and feel pain deeply when someone is suffering. I have an innate sense of that because I have worked to cultivate that compassion. I am certainly far from being there and am a work in progress, but these blogs serve as a cathartic vehicle for me to express my inner soul to you and hopefully help someone out there who should decide to read these words.
This week we have investigated how we see positive things in our life (contentment and intimacy) and negative things in life (compassion and suffering) with the same vigor, tranquility, and open-mindedness to make our lives fulfilled and happy. Clearly, these short blogs do not do justice to the complexity of the book, The Art of Happiness, or all of the extensive writings of the Dalai Lama. These abbreviated thoughts are meant to frame further thinking, research, and emotional awakening in your quest for happiness.
The Art of Happiness Part 1 of 5: Pursuing Happiness
January 5, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I just finished the book, The Art of Happiness, which involves teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and his conversations with Phoenix psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler, M.D. Dr. Cutler tries to explore the ideas of Buddhist thought as preached and practiced by the Dalai Lama, as they would be explicable and applicable to non-Buddhists in the West. During this time of financial vicissitudes, we can perhaps learn a lot from global thoughts that antedate and continue to flourish during our lives from the Far East. I will not summarize the book but focus on select topics that have personal resonance for me that I thought would be helpful for my readership. These blogs represent an attempt for me at personal growth and self awareness and are letters written to myself that if burnished well will radiate to all those who are interested enough to read them.
The Dalai Lama believes that happiness is the singular purpose of life that supercedes all other concerns or at least represents the fundamental distillation of what our life should be about. At first glance, this comment seems to belie a monkish disposition and compel one to think that a monk is advocating some kind of dissolute, hedonistic life. Rather, as you read through this 5-part series, you will see that in fact the opposite is the case. In short, altruism and compassion are rooted in one’s own inner happiness.
As mentioned, we think that if we are to pursue happiness, we are in fact elevating our selfish nature. However, if we stop to think of how truly happy individuals can radiate kindness, compassion, and love to others; whereas, unhappy people pass on their disgruntled demeanor and horde and heave hatred and displeasure to all who encounter them. If we start with understanding how to reach a deep and meaningful happiness, we can use that as a launching point to help others. In fact, the act of helping others can be a truly happy action to take. But more about that later this week.
If life is for living, how else can we live but in a happy state. Living in a depressed, angry, or self-tormented condition will only lead to an unbearable state that contravenes our very nature. We were not born to live in misery. In fact, in one part of the book when Dr. Cutler asks the Dalai Lama about self-hatred, he received a befuddled silence in response. The Dalai Lama simply could not understand what this concept meant, as he had never encountered it in his sheltered world. If our fundamental nature is designed for happiness, then how can we achieve it? We will explore the following concepts over this next week: contentment, intimacy, compassion, and confronting suffering to draw broad strokes within which you can create finer etchings that will define your own existence.