The Art of Happiness Part 5 of 5: Confronting Suffering
January 9, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
There is the famous tale told in The Art of Happiness of Kisa Gotami, a woman who lost her child and who went to the Great Buddha to help her return her child back from the dead. The Buddha said, “No worries, I have a solution.” The woman replied, “Ah, I knew you would have an answer for me” with great hope in her heart. Buddha said, “Please go to a household and ask to have some of their mustard seed. However, just make sure that household has not suffered the loss of a family member or friend.” With elation, the woman went out to a household and was able to easily procure the mustard seed, a common item. But when she inquired, “Did any of your family or friends suffer death?” The answer would return, “Please leave this house. Of course, we have experienced death in this household.” With great frustration, Kisa Gotami buried her son in the forest. She returned to the Buddha now with the understanding that all men suffer and that her selfishness and longing for what was not possible only compounded her suffering.
Suffering is part of life. Death is part of life. We all grieve at certain losses of loved ones, friends, possessions, social rank, etc. However, suffering is inescapable. It is part of our very existence. When we accept suffering as a fact, we can unburden ourselves that our suffering is somehow unique. We can share that suffering with others in compassion (see yesterday’s blog) and we should try to carry the burden of another’s suffering as our own through our compassion. When we recognize the impermanence of life and things we can confront our suffering as we should, which is that it is a fact that will occur. Through acceptance, we can lighten our burden and not make it weigh us down to the point of not seeing forward or upward or around it.
Buddhist thought espouses that there are 4 Noble Truths: 1. Life means suffering.; 2. The origin of suffering is attachment.; 3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.; and 4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering. Without engaging in a thorough exegesis of Buddhism (which I couldn’t do anyway since my knowledge is at best cursory from just reading this short book), suffice it to understand that our path to eliminate suffering involves eliminating 3 behaviors: ignorance, craving, and hatred. Ignorance does not involve stupidity but ignorance of the fact that life will have suffering and that is part of our samsara, or existence. Second, the origin of suffering is our attachment or craving and constantly wanting (please read Tuesday’s blog on contentment.) Third, we must let go of hatred.
When someone attacks you, it is your response to the hatred that will either create your own destiny of self destruction or provide a channel of freedom based on your response to it. If you do not allow the hatred to consume you but to pass you by, that will free you. I have a gentleman who wanted to blaspheme my reputation and engage in slander. Of course, my initial reaction was vehement hatred, but I am truly truly free of that. I look at all humanity with equanimity and compassion and feel compassion for such an individual and for all humanity equally. I feel an intimate connection to all pain out there and feel pain deeply when someone is suffering. I have an innate sense of that because I have worked to cultivate that compassion. I am certainly far from being there and am a work in progress, but these blogs serve as a cathartic vehicle for me to express my inner soul to you and hopefully help someone out there who should decide to read these words.
This week we have investigated how we see positive things in our life (contentment and intimacy) and negative things in life (compassion and suffering) with the same vigor, tranquility, and open-mindedness to make our lives fulfilled and happy. Clearly, these short blogs do not do justice to the complexity of the book, The Art of Happiness, or all of the extensive writings of the Dalai Lama. These abbreviated thoughts are meant to frame further thinking, research, and emotional awakening in your quest for happiness.