Lessons from EO Part 5 of 5: Gestalt
February 6, 2009 by dr. lam · 6 Comments
If you are a fervent reader of my blogs, you might remember my talking about Gestalt psychology and protocol already a few months ago. However, it is worth repeating here both for those who have read my previous blog and for those who have not. It is such an important tool that it is worth restating it here as a separate, standalone blog once again.
During our Forum group, we rigorously adhere to Gestalt protocol. Gestalt is a method in which an individual never gives advice to someone else but gives what is known as “experience sharing.” In fact, we simply yellow (caution) or red flag (full violation) someone who breaches gestalt when it occurs, and we do not allow for the option of giving non-Gestalt advice during the process of Forum. There are two reasons for this. First, if you tell someone, “You really should do this or that…”, you are claiming superiority over that individual and truly not helping but hurting. Second, you are not “walking the talk” but “talking the talk”. It is far easier to give someone else advice but it is far harder to share with that individual how you failed in the past or what lessons you yourself have learned from a past experience. It is simple to tell when you are getting close to violation: when the word “you” starts to dominate the comments. When it is principally “I”, you are staying in a safe zone. Unless, of course you are saying something like, “I would really not do that if I were you.” Another trick is only to use the past tense following the word “I”. For example, “I learned the lesson the hard way last year when I…” By using only the word “I” and using it in the past tense we are forced into a mode of only experience sharing rather than advice giving.
It is such a powerful, effective, and honest methodology, that Gestalt has naturally invaded every part of my life. Although outside of Forum I occasionally slip into advice giving, I do use Gestalt on many occasions and find it to be a natural way to inspire someone around you for positive change. Obviously, I myself find it easier for someone else to share their own personal story for me to learn from than that individual saying in effect, “Sam, man, you really should be…” It is always harder to swallow. When working with your kids, storytelling of your own life can prove to be an effective method of communication. With friends, with colleagues, with loved ones, with anyone basically. When you start to practice Gestalt, you open new vistas in communication, sharing, and elicit positive change almost better than any other technique.