Excuses Begone! Part 7 of 12: Willingness
October 2, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
This chapter is nothing short of brilliant. We tend to be victims of ourselves. We pay lip service to what we want, but our heart tells a different story. Our unconscious mind directs our conscious mind to say one thing but not to really do it. We live a self-defeating vision because we claim we want something but then we commit multiple, tiny actions to abort our very own success.
Sometimes we behave in such a fashion because our new vision is incompatible with our old vision, one that we hold onto that lingers despite our conscious level acknowledgment. We say, “I want an advanced degree.” Then we say to ourselves somewhere deep down, “I don’t have enough time” so we make efforts to fill our days so we don’t have enough time then we tell our unconscious self, “See, I don’t have enough time.” We say, “I want to become fit” then we say, “Boy, that knee of mine is really acting up again. I guess I shouldn’t really start just yet. I’ll see the doctor next month, then we’ll make a decision then.” We are our own worst enemies.
Our vision should be our vision and no one else’s. Sometimes we fear the repercussions of others’ thoughts and words about what we are trying to do. “Why are you trying to go back to school at 45 years of age? Are you crazy?” I love the line that Dyer has here, “What you think of me is none of my business.” That is hilarious and so true. We should not live as a byproduct of someone else’s prejudices but we should live in congruence with what we want. What lie is your unconscious mind feeding your conscious mind about what you really want? What actions are you taking to prevent you from attaining your goal? What are you worried that someone else will say about you?
Excuses Begone! Part 6 of 12: Now
October 1, 2009 by dr. lam · 1 Comment
This blog may be considered a repeat from previous blogs on Tolle’s The Power of Now. However, I think all of you know how much I believe that repetition and consistency are the keys to these blogs. Think of these blogs as mental exercises that require reinforcement, daily practice, and implementation for them to have meaning, substance, and for them to work in your life. Instead of thinking, “Oh, I know about all this already,” say to yourself, “What new thing will I learn from this blog today? What reminder did I need to hear today from this blog?” These blogs may not have a brand new message every day but will have a kernel of truth that can be an affirmation for you to implement into your life.
That being prefaced, like Tolle, Dyer admonishes that to live in the now free of thinking of the future and thinking of the past, we can avoid almost all excuses. The words, “My parents were like that so how I can act differently?” forces us into the past (our past prevents us from doing something) when? in the future. Another excuse would be, “it is too risky”. That is future think because it has not happened yet but we assume that it will unfold in such a manner. When we are ensconced in the present, we begin to see that excuses cannot take hold of us.
Dyer invokes his study of the Tao by talking about “allowing” and “not judging”. When we live in the moment, we can live in the moment without reference to the past or to the future but we can still live a very negatively imbued present tense. For example, “I am wasting my time here,” or “why is she saying that to me?” We also can force things harder if the square peg does not fit into the circular aperture. We coerce the situation to proceed in a certain way. Remembering our Taoist image that was invoked in a previous Mindfulness Monday, we should be like water, flowing effortlessly, naturally, and with vigor. Live in the now.
Excuses Begone! Part 5 of 12: Negative Speak
September 30, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
In Dyer’s chapter entitled “Alignment”, he tries to get us to start thinking positively by first cleaning up our mental language. When we think in terms of scarcity, we attract that situation. If our mind is plagued with words like can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, won’t, couldn’t possibly, we begin to live that out in our own reality. Also words that exist in our excuses catalog we talked about yesterday become problematic as well: risky, not strong enough, not rich enough, don’t have enough money, no time to do that, too fat, too skinny, too stupid, not educated enough, too old, too young, not the right race, not the right gender, etc. We start to live within the sphere of our own excuses because the language we choose to use reflects our inner state.
Dyer talks about an invisible energy that radiates all around us, which I believe in. This is not a voodoo thing but a reflection of our inner spirit. When we are nervous, we radiate that to everyone even before our words are expressed or our mannerisms give us away. The tension we hold is manifest to anyone in our near vicinity and beyond. When we try to enlist “Divine guidance” for our situation, we oftentimes go to God out of necessity by remaining in a state of want. However, the Divine is unlimited and positive. We are limited and negative. It is very difficult to hear any Divine messages when we are confined by our own negative thinking. When we live by ego, scarcity, fear, and anxiety, then we live in ego, scarcity, fear, and anxiety. When we see our own Divine nature, we can then tap into Divine providence, Divine messages, and Divine guidance.
How do we do that more precisely? Instead of living in a fearful state of wanting more and fearing less, we live in a state of unbridled gratitude for what we have. At the end of each yoga session that I do I bow down 3 times with my hands in Namaste pose in gratitude for His Divine favor upon me and upon all mankind. Interestingly, Dyer talks about a happiness index that was undertaken to measure how happy a particular country is. Nigera, an impoverished country by Western standards, came out on top; and the United States ranked 46 out of 50. Why? Simply put, no matter how scarce Nigerians may be physically, their mental state did not see the deprivation. Conversely, Americans oftentimes live in a state of ego demanding that they need more (when they don’t) and they fear less (scarcity mentality). That is misalignment: when you are well off and you still think you do not have enough.
This week focus on removing negative mental and verbal speak from your language. When you catch yourself with any of the above excuses catalog or negative commentary than runs in your head, replace them with an ego-less gratitude for your abundant condition and be thankful.
Excuses Begone! Part 4 of 12: Awareness
September 29, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
In order to understand your excuses, you must first be aware of them as being excuses. Too often, we live our lives in a semi-dazed cloud, where our excuses are not even recognized as such. At times we can forcefully recognize the excuses with clarity by focusing on what our excuses really are. And, we can also strive to achieve recognition of our excuses by becoming simply more of a self aware individual.
In fact, that is what all of these blogs are truly about, getting to the core of your authentic self, free from the shackles of self delusion, false ego, and mental trickery. By reading and implementing these blogs as part of your daily ritual, we are all on a mutual journey of enlightenment, peace, and happiness. In so doing, we shed our false self and become gradually more self aware. In that process of self awareness, we begin to recognize our excuses as being incompatible with our true self.
We can use both our conscious mind to delve into what might our excuses be in life and we can also channel our more powerful, deeply seated unconscious mind to engage in a continual exploration of those excuses, to root them out, and thereby to place them in front of us as external to us. We then can rid ourselves of these false memes and genes. Today and in the coming weeks to months, focus on your true self and where your excuses that might be staring you in the face but you can’t see might truly be nothing more than an excuse.
Excuses Begone! Part 3 of 12: Your Excuse Catalog
September 25, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
I love this idea of Dyer’s, which is to come up with the concocted excuses that you have developed that block you from attaining your goals, then break through them. Obviously, this short blog is too limited a forum to repeat every one of Dyer’s excuses in his chapter on “your excuse catalog” and the way to overcome them so I encourage everyone to purchase his book and read and overcome your own excuses.
For example, excuses that we have programmed are as follows: ”It is too risky to change”; “My family genes limit me from doing it”; “It has never been done”; “It is too big to do”; “I don’t have enough energy”; “I’ve always been fat”; “I am not smart enough”; “I am not strong enough”; etc. He punctures each and every one of these myths by enumerating tactics to overcome them. Dyer should know, as he quit drugs, smoking, affairs, and drinking decades ago in a former life.
As some examples, “I don’t deserve it” can be overcome by destroying your innate tendency toward low self-esteem. As Gloria Steinem writes “self-esteem isn’t everything; it’s just that there’s nothing without it.” When we reprogram our belief that these programmed lies about ourselves are what restrict us, we can begin to have a chance to overcome them. As he says, “Believing that you’re not good enough to have unlimited happiness, success, and health is a colossal fabrication that bears no resemblance to the truth of your life today. It keeps you discouraged, with a well-intentioned excuse to protect you from taking action.”
Another example is “I am too old”. We are never too old to love, live, learn, and fulfill our lives. However, we live by certain societal constraints that tell us we need to have a certain education by this age, married by that time, children by an appointed schedule, a career that we want by such a such a time, etc. We live by these “memes” that are not universal truths but just what an arbitrary society wants us to live by an arbitrary standard. We then allow those memes to soak into our genes.
We can live independently of these constraints by believing and reprogramming both our memes and our genes. What is your excuse catalog for why you are what you are, and what are you going to do to overcome those false beliefs today?