Happiness Hypothesis Part 10 of 10: Happiness Comes From Between
May 21, 2010 by dr. lam · 8 Comments
My mentor always taught me that “Happiness comes from within.” In other words, irrelevant to life circumstances, we are either happy or not because of who we are inside. As Haidt points out, our happiness set point defines the beginning of where we are. However, that may not be enough. The formula H = S + C + V reminds us that we have two other components that are external to us, which we may have control over to help us become happier, specifically conditions in our life and things that we do voluntarily to enhance that happiness.
Relationships with friends and family and more specifically love, both passionate and companionate, are important “C” factors that can influence how we can arrive at happiness. Our work “flow” is a powerful “V” in which we can create a situation where we are so engaged (referred to as “vital engagement” in the book) that we lose sense of time and space. That component of work must carry with it a larger purpose; we must be able to wield some degree of autonomy; and we must feel a sense of mastery. These three components will be discussed further when we cover Daniel Pink’s book, Drive.
In summary, we can become happy in our lives not because of just some internal quality we have nor due to external life circumstances but through a marriage of both. More specifically, it is the interaction of the two, the internal and the external, that can lead to our happiest condition. If we are unhappy inside of us, the external world will not make us happy. If we are happy enough inside, we can create conditions outside that will truly affect and ratchet up our happiness inside. Happiness comes from between, as Haidt puts it.
Happiness Hypothesis Part 9 of 10: The Felicity of Virtue
May 20, 2010 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
In this chapter, Haidt discusses how a virtuous life can bring about happiness. As we have established, pleasure in vast quantities only leads to disgust. As the young Buddha realized with his harem of women, palace life, rich food, etc., he was missing something deeply. Hedonism as an end leads to a quick surfeit and short-circuit.
The example that opens the chapter is Ben Franklin, who despite his manifold achievements in diverse fields, lived his life by focusing each week on a particular virtue, ensuring each day that he did not violate that virtue with a black mark on his calendar. Although he self-admittedly failed at humility (he faked it well), he lived a richer life because he adhered to a code that guided his life.
Altruism in the form of volunteerism can promote health and happiness but interestingly in broad sociological evaluations not equally across the different age brackets. For the younger teenager who is just establishing his or her own identity and forming new social networks, volunteerism is not as critical a factor to developing happiness. For the middle-aged person who has established his or her own “story” of virtue, volunteerism that conforms to that narrative can help considerably. However, in the elderly, volunteerism can more certainly create a healthier and happier life and perhaps even prolong it. The reason for that assertion is several fold: the elderly have begun to lose their social strands through death and separation, and meaning is more defined for them by giving back than by achieving.
Durkeim whom we have cited before has asserted that societies that have no consistent moral fiber, a state in which he defines as anomie, has a less than happy populace. When we support complete freedom without accountability, we enter an anomic society that can lead to purported greater unhappiness. As humans, we gain happiness by having a sense of justice and order.
Martin Seligman who in 1998 founded the field of positive psychology tried to move us away from looking at pathological mental diseases and toward how we can live fuller, better lives. He argued that living life by six common virtuous traits that he found across cultures (wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence) would help us live these more enriched lives. He then subdivided these six traits into specific character traits (that obviously the author states could be debated):
- Wisdom
- Curiosity
- Love of learning
- Judgment
- Ingenuity
- Emotional intelligence
- Perspective
- Courage
- Valor
- Perseverance
- Integrity
- Humanity
- Kindness
- Loving
- Justice
- Citizenship
- Fairness
- Leadership
- Temperance
- Self-control
- Prudence
- Humility
- Transcendence
- Appreciation of beauty and excellence
- Gratitude
- Hope
- Spirituality
- Forgiveness
- Humor
- Zest
The point of this blog is not to espouse a religious or political agenda (as you know I have abstained from such platforms) but to help anyone of any persuasion see the merit of living a virtuous life, if for no other reason as it is a foundation for attaining happiness.
Happiness Hypothesis Part 8 of 10: The Adversity Hypothesis
May 19, 2010 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
If you could have special glasses to see what adversity and calamity would befall your children then had a special eraser to erase all of those glitches would you do it? Of course, right? But is that the right thing to do? Remember in a previous blog we have discussed that we are a product of our trials and tribulations. Without them, we are condemned to live a bland existence.
We are all familiar with the concept of post-traumatic stress disorder but have we heard of post-traumatic growth? When someone is stricken with the diagnosis of cancer, does that not reprioritize everything in his or her life? What happens when adversity strikes us? How do we emerge from it?
For me, Nietzsche’s idea that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger is a propos. The adversity that I have overcome in my life has definitely transformed my life in special ways that I am indebted to have experienced. We should never wish upon ourselves adversity but we can grow from them.
A study had two groups of people who faced devastating tragedies, e.g., rape, death of a dear family member, etc., and had one group write about their terrible situation for 4 days almost incessantly and constantly while the second group did not. Months to years later the scientists followed the two groups and found that not only the psychological welfare of the first group was emboldened but so was their physical health. It seemed almost that the type of tragedy did not influence the outcome but how the individual was able to express that tragedy in a cathartic way did.
As we talked about in the last couple of blogs, we as humans are “ultrasocial” beings far greater than in the animal world. We need other humans with us to give our life meaning and substance. What we can do to get over our tragedy is to feel connected with others by sharing that experience out loud and thereby giving us a channel of freedom.
A study found that the right time for the first major adversity to strike was somewhere in the late teens to early/mid twenties. When people encountered their first major life adversity after the age of 30, they were found to be less resilient and could not grow as much from that experience.
In short, the right timing (late teens to early twenties), the right amount (not enough to cause PTSD), and to the right person (someone who has a social network around him/her) can lead to the most fruitful “post-traumatic growth” that can lead to being empathic with others who suffer and to being hopefully a better person who can use that experience to help others grow in a similar way.
Happiness Hypothesis Part 7 of 10: Love
May 18, 2010 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Haidt begins this important chapter discussing in detail all of the landmark work of Harlow and Ainsworth on parental/child attachment. He justifies the detailed recounting of these studies because he envisions that adult love is rooted in our attachment strategies of childhood. The same separation anxiety and need to be proximate to our loved one that begins in late adolescence and continues into adulthood stems from how we interacted with our parents. The same chemical release of oxytocin that is associated with sexual interaction for both males and females is present when a child is with his mother.
He then explores the idea of passionate versus companionate love. He looks at how many of the ancient writers viewed passionate love as a negative trait because of its ephemeral nature, and Haidt recommends that no one be allowed to get married until they at least pass through this initial intoxication, as he argues you should not allow a drunken man access to his car.
Passionate love with its attendant intensity soon burns out. However, companionate love endures and strengthens. Haidt shows on a timetable that although passionate and companionate love are separate entities that they are necessary in any long-term relationship and that couples who have made it past their 50th wedding anniversary are heavily imbued with companionate love but can still have a nice residual of passionate love albeit not as strong as during their initial courting.
He likens passionate love to a drug like heroin. When we take heroin (fortunately I can only speak theoretically here), we get an intoxicating high but after a while that intoxication fades, as the release of sustained dopamine dulls our senses and we become tolerant. In contrast, someone who is involved in a long-term relationship the high of being with that person for short bursts of time separated by long separations is like the heroin without the attenuated addiction. The addiction stays strong because it is only infrequent and there is not acclimation to the drug. People in long-distance relationships beware.
He then cites the work of Emile Durkheim that shows that suicide rates are highest among individuals with very few social connections. The fewer social connections, e.g., presence of parents, friends, and even more importantly spouses and children, create higher risk of suicide. The proposition that even the most introverted can have tremendous benefit through even mild extroverted activities. As Haidt posits, we humans are tremendously “ultrasocial” creatures and thrive on that interaction. As supported in our previous blog, Mary can be much happier than Bob because of her extensive social connections despite the world’s limited view of her social rank. I guess love conquers all, or at least social connections help us build our immune system and grow old happily.
Happiness Hypothesis Part 6 of 10: Finding Flow
May 14, 2010 by dr. lam · 1 Comment
Yesterday we focused on the C of the formula for happiness. Today we will focus on the V. Is V really all about detachment as the Buddhists believe or is it something else? Maybe a little of that and a little of the opposite.
Haidt says that the V can be made up of what Martin Seligman calls “pleasures and gratifications.” Pleasures are things that bring in particular bodily pleasure like food and sex. But too much of either, and you reach satiety. If you listen to your favorite CD 15 times in a row, it no longer becomes that special.
Gratifications are things in which you can lose your self-consciousness in and become so immersed that you lose all sense of time and effort. This happens oftentimes when someone is engaged in pursuit of what he or she loves to do. Whereas pleasures must be punctuated, gratification need not be as tied to this problem. Flow is defined as truly getting in the moment like when athletes are totally immersed in the moment.
I actually experience flow almost every day and for that I am grateful. When I am operating on a patient, I am totally lost in the moment. I mean totally. It is a wonderful feeling. My mother recently said, “I am so sorry that you have to work so hard doing hair transplants and making thousands of tiny sites.” I replied, “Work? What work? It is a joyous moment when I am in that room making exquisite patterns and engaging with my team.” That is flow. Find your flow to help elevate your V.
To make pleasures more pleasurable, find variety, as the expression goes, “Variety is the spice of life.” Haidt talks about how the French like to eat small portions of fatty foods, slowly and in the company of others. Americans pick restaurants based on portion size. Of course, large portions of anything are exactly what causes loss of enjoyment in the first place.
There are many Vs that we can find, including helping our neighbor, enjoying the company of a friend, etc. Isolated pursuit of money and power can actually lead to the opposite effect: social ostracism, lack of meaning, and eventual adaptation.