Human Relations & Leadership Part 2 of 3: Treating Others the Way You Want to Be Treated
October 29, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
As part of our series on human relations and leadership, I want to have you think about how you treat EVERYONE around you. Do you treat the rich and privileged with more respect? Do you treat waitstaff with callous disregard? How do you view the strata of humanity as equals or as those who don’t deserve your attention?
Perhaps the greatest role models for this excellence in leadership are two individuals: my mother and my paternal grandfather. Let me discuss with you their singularly remarkable attributes. My mother has instilled in me that every human individual is valuable and should be treated with dignity, respect, and love. In fact, those who are in need and may be deemed at a lower station in life, she goes out of her way to make sure that they are supported emotionally, financially, or in whatever way possible. She helps all those in need around her with a blind eye and with absolute self-abnegation. She is truly a role model for me and continues to be one in my life.
My paternal grandfather with whom I share a birthday (November 6) was a great man in the classic sense. He was honored with the Order of the British Empire (O.B.E.) and met with heads of state like Nixon and LBJ. But what made him great was not his wealth, fortune or title but his character. At the age of 50, he stopped “working” and gave over his life to help those less fortunate for the glory of God by giving away his fortune slowly to those in need. He opened a Baptist College and hospital in Hong Kong and truly spent every waking moment helping all of those around him without desire for recognition. In fact, when he died (I was only a baby at the time), many caddies and their family from the golf club came to my uncles and aunts and said, “What are we going to do? He was paying for all of our education including our college.” He made it a point not to share with my family his altruism as that is the greatest gift he could make was his quiet generosity. My uncles and aunts reassured all the caddies and their families that the pledge my grandfather made would be carried through to fruition by them.
The people that I associate with are those who are dedicated to treat all humanity with love and respect. I simply cannot tolerate individuals who hold themselves above others around them. We are all part of a common race and we are all flawed creatures. Next time you have an individual that you treat with disrespect, think for a moment of why you should consider yourself better than that individual. In my opinion that behavior makes you lower than the person that you are treating badly.
N.B.: As you can see, you now have full capability to post this blog to your facebook account, send it in an email, subscribe, etc. in a single click (see below). Hopefully, that will make this blog more fun and more shareable.
Human Relations & Leadership Part 1 of 3: Exhibiting Self-Control
October 28, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Somehow the past several weeks, I have really enjoyed compartmentalizing my blogs into 3-part series. Perhaps I am trying to get you to come back to read more the next day. Perhaps it is in homage to my good friend in South Korea, Dr. Young-Kyoon Kim, who is both a cosmetic surgeon and an artist and who is fascinated with the number 3. Whatever reason, I enjoy these mini-serial blogs that explore a topic more in depth than a single longwinded blog could accomplish. (This one is longwinded enough.)
I really enjoy my job and one of the most fascinating parts to me is the human relations we have with one another. I am also fascinated by leadership. This blog is about both. Exhibiting a positive force on those individuals around you. Today we are going to talk about controlling one’s temper. I had a leader of mine who came into my office with staff in tow and who was visibly irate. Reportedly, my leader had lost her temper and fired off some less than genteel words toward her followers (I am putting this mildly.) I could clearly see that her followers had lost significant respect for her (and so did I). I realized that her leadership skills were deeply in peril, and I alleviated her of her job almost immediately.
I separated out my staff from her and first talked to my staff and apologized for her behavior and that I considered it unacceptable. I then moved my former leader into a room and said, “If you can’t control yourself, how do you expect to control those around you.” Obviously, I did not mean “control” in a dominating way but control in the sense of having people under you inspired to follow you. Essentially, she had no answer and that compelled me to end her career as a leader in my workplace.
I really look at all my staff as leaders influencing everyone around them. Don’t think you have to be the “boss” to have this blog relate to you. Oftentimes the boss is not the titular boss. If you read Emotional Intelligence you will understand that the real boss is the person who walks into a room and instinctively commands respect and followership. Typically, if no one is following you, there are two reasons for this problem. You didn’t inspire followership or you didn’t hire the right people that can be inspired. Accordingly, I blame the leader not the followers for most things. My leaders are held to a higher accountability.
Back on subject, I have experienced so many terrible leaders during my surgical apprenticeship in large part because surgeons have a God mentality and their arrogance obscures their ability to inspire followership. Honestly, I chose not to do my residency at Baylor College of Medicine, my alma mater, in large part because I was going to be exposed to a group of general surgeons who did not exemplify what I strived to be. I intuitively avoided being abused so that I would not perpetuate that abuse forward. My mentor, Ed Williams, with whom I did my fellowship is an exemplar of leadership excellence and humility in the face of adversity. After 18 fellowship interviews, many of which I truly loved, I realized that I needed to be with Ed because he was going to teach me as much as how to be a surgeon as how to be a gentleman. Thanks Ed for your foundation for excellence!