Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 13 of 20: Living Beyond Judgment
April 15, 2009 by dr. lam · 11 Comments
The 49th Verse:
The sage has no fixed mind;
he is aware of the needs of others.
Those who are good he treats with goodness.
Those who are bad he also treats with goodness
because the nature of his being is good.
He is kind to the kind.
He is also kind to the unkind
because the nature of his being is kindness.
He is faithful to the faithful;
he is also faithful to the unfaithful.
The sage lives in harmony with all below heaven.
He sees everything as his own self;
he loves everyone as his own child.
All people are drawn to him.
He behaves like a little child.
This is one of my favorite verses. We are oftentimes programmed to react to others’ unkindness by returning the favor. We will love those who love us. But how do we respond to those who hate us? What happens in an argument or a conflict? Do we have to be right all the time? Do we judge others by names like “lazy, dishonest, stupid, foolish”? We live our lives too often in a reactionary mode to others’ thoughts and then try to defend ourselves by our own superlative ego. We look down on others around us because they do not conform to our own moral code.
Now how do you treat yourself? Do you also judge yourself by thinking, “Boy, I am a really bad person for doing this thing”? Or how about when you do something good, do you think: ”I am truly a holy person today for what I have done”? We oftentimes not only judge others but we append those same appellations of judgment upon ourselves so that we must be labeled. We should just be and not try to make sense of every small action we take. We do not need to fit into a self-righteous position nor do we need to fit into a self-abusive one.
Today take away your need to judge and only observe neutrally. That does not just mean for all of your acquaintances today but also of your own actions. Take the moral rigor that you impose on others and also on yourself away. Start to live with love and kindness toward yourself and others. Return unkindness with kindness. That also means how you treat yourself. Don’t beat yourself up but also don’t pat yourself on the back for being so great. Just be. Let go of all judgment to others and to yourself.
The Power of Intention Part 2 of 10: Kindness
March 3, 2009 by dr. lam · 27 Comments
I wanted to start with this one because it is how I am now seeing the world. At times my ego got in the way of seeing others with utter humility and kindness. Dyer explains what he calls the 7 faces of intention: creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, unlimited abundance, and receptivity. I will be covering some select topics regarding these 7 faces but will not necessarily cover all of the topics.
He argues that kindness must be a part of a universe of creation, as the Creator who made the world would not be making a malevolent one since it goes against the very nature of creation. Kindness is the energy that bonds all of us and keeps us as a unified whole, as I talked about in a previous blog on the art of happiness when I discussed compassion. You will find that I may repeat some areas through my blogs as far as topics go but there is a reason for that. First, I am exploring this topic from a different author’s perspective that in my opinion further deepens our understanding of a topic. A single blog is insufficient to make us understand AND REMEMBER what we need to know and to implement. At a fundamental core, I love teaching, always have and always will. I think teaching means giving to others information in a consistent and clear fashion so that the words and thoughts learned become integrated into life.
Okay, back to the subject. I was talking with a nurse who was frustrated about her experience in the ER and who voiced that someone threw money at her for a payment. I asked her what did she do in that circumstance. She said that she responded benevolently in giving the money back. I pushed deeper and asked, “Did you not harbor any hatred still deep in your heart, at least 10%?” She was quiet. I already knew the answer before asking because I could sense the tone in her voice carried anger and frustration.
I in turn responded that perhaps we could look at that person as an individual in pain and was calling out for help, stripped of all social rank, education, gender, age, etc., we just have a human in pain in front of us. I asked could we look at that human who treated us badly with open eyes seeing beyond all of those seemingly insurmountable trappings and get to the core of their humanity and just see them as someone who needed kindness? If we can do that we can radiate that kindness to those who really need it and we can then fill ourselves with that love and positivity that makes it easier for us to survive the day and to make it a more pleasurable experience.
I like this expression that Dyer says, “When we hurt others, we must hurt ourselves. When we help others, we will invariably also help ourselves.” (paraphrasing that a bit.) That is such a profound expression. I remember every time that I wanted to be malicious toward another, I felt sick inside and it literally hurt me to do it. It tore me apart. Whenever I have given generously to help someone else, I feel an exhilaration that strengthens me.
If we go into the world with a sense of hatred, anxiety, and fear in the morning, we will create that world as a manifest destiny. If we stop for a moment in the morning and see others with love, compassion, and kindness, we will be able to make a small but profound difference in all who come near us. When you go out today try to let go of all hatred toward humanity, negativity, and for a moment look at the person in front of you as a human being in pain and get to the core of their pain by offering them kindness. You will see that you can create your own world in a profoundly meaningful way and make your life and the life of those around you a meaningful and positive experience. Make a difference today.
Perform an act of kindness and don’t share that you did that with anyone. Keep it to yourself. See how you feel. Look at every human you encounter with love, compassion, and kindness. Open your heart today.