Leadership Gold Part 1 of 10: Relational not Positional Leadership
February 16, 2009 by dr. lam · 10 Comments
I simply love John Maxwell. I have read many of his books but his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, has been a cornerstone to the way that I think and practice my leadership. He wrote Leadership Gold at the age of 60, which he turned 2 years ago, summarizing many of his leadership principles. I would highly encourage anyone out there interested in leadership to read both books or many of his books on the subject. There is so much “gold” in this book that I have decided to mine the gold over the next 2 weeks so that I can treat this important subject with more depth that it rightfully deserves.
Now many of you out there may be thinking, “I’m not a leader.” I have no interest in reading these blogs, but YOU ARE! Everyone has the potential of being a leader. If you are a parent, you are a leader. If you have friends, you can lead them by being who you are. I like what Maxwell’s objective of what a leader is for, to help others (more about that on another day). I want to encourage, exhort, and inspire all of you to be daily leaders to all of those within your proximity and perhaps even for those who are only within a more remote reach. More importantly, you need to lead yourself first. Well, I’m getting ahead of myself. That is tomorrow’s blog.
His opening thoughts were that leaders should not be lonely at the top. They are if they do not have any relationship with those who work on their team. When leaders separate themselves from their team, they no longer have a team at all. That is why I encourage the idea of “Team LFP” rather than subordinates. I know every spouse, child, and animal name for everyone in my organization. I take personal interest in their personal lives. Not prying but asking and being open to receive anything that I can help them with in their personal lives if they need it. I encourage them to call me at home and on weekends if they need me for any reason. It is the same offer that I extend to my patients on whom I have worked. (I in return do not call them during their personal hours and spend very little time on the phone if I must absolutely call them at home.) My team works with me and not for me. They are my lifeblood and they are as vital a part of Team LFP as I am. I like what Maxwell said, “A team does not care about how much a leader knows, until it knows how much he cares.”
I like what John Maxwell said about a “self-made man” who came to him and said, “I did everything myself, and I made it myself.” Maxwell wanted to respond, “I’m sorry. You must have not accomplished much then.” There is no such thing as a self-made individual. Anything worth achieving is achieved as a team not in isolation. Don’t kid yourself please in thinking that you made it on your own. If you think that, please don’t bother talking to me. I don’t think you have the clarity of vision of what a leader really is or does.
I am still learning myself in becoming a leader. Last year, my staff despite being very happy with LFP was not happy enough. I did not project the right leadership mindset and was not as approachable. I am working on that, and I am now fortunately more approachable. It was not that I was aloof. My staff simply did not perceive me as being as part of the team as much as I should have been. In 2009, I have made the promise to my staff and to myself to be a more vigilant and present CEO of this company and of all the businesses that I own. I am working on that mission every day, and I have encouraged my staff to tell me when I fail in that mission. I would encourage whatever position you have in life (personal or professional) to look and see whether you inspire followership. I let go a staff member last year that had many good leadership skills but also very poor ones. Simply put, that individual had no followers. If you have no followers, you are not leading. To lead, you need 2 things: direction and followers. I hope we all can assume a level of personal leadership for those around us. This world is truly crying out for good leadership. I hope you can be the one to provide it.
Human Relations & Leadership Part 3 of 3: Leading by Emotional Intelligence
October 30, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Heart Math
As I alluded to in Tuesday’s blog, a leader is an individual that commands quiet respect without having to ask for it. The person who needs to ask for it most likely does not own it or deserve it. Leaders however are not born in many cases and are not born out of crisis. Instead, they are mentored by someone more senior than they are who have inspired them to be leaders. I have had many mentors. As mentioned before, Ed Williams was my singular hero who taught me my flaws more indelibly and who showed me a path that I needed to see.
Along those lines, when a leader leads because he or she naturally draws people into a followership position, it is important that the leader not drag down his or her staff through negative emotional energy. In fact, a strong leader will draw down everyone’s energy unwittingly in many cases. Oftentimes, anyone within 15 feet of this leader will either be buoyed by his or her presence or demoralized by it without that leader actually opening his or her mouth. In It’s Your Ship (a book given to me by my nurse Beth to read), the author suggests that if you are the leader and you are not having the best day, get out of the way and allow your followers freedom not to be shackled by your emotional slavery, albeit unintentional.
Also as I have mentioned, we are all leaders in many respects and we all draw and give energy to those around us. That is part of the reason that I started the “Tell me about your passions” forum to just have fun with imparting a little happiness and joy through related passions. The California group Heart Math has claimed that the electromagnetic forces of our hearts radiate about 15 feet around us and when our energies are low and negative we impart that out to those who are in our proximity. Accordingly, to buoy those around us rather than to anchor them downward, center your emotional gravity first before you inflict that negative energy on all those who see you. Over time if your energies are sustained negatively, you will either attract those who thrive on negative energy or you will polarize away all those who embrace positivity.
I think that is why in large part my patients are happy ones because I attract those kinds of patients, who are inherently happy individuals. I think as much joy as my patients get from seeing me, I in return attain the same level of joy in seeing my patients. My patients are truly the driving force behind why I wake up every morning and enjoy coming to work. For all of you out there who struggle with negative energy, remember that whatever energy we think we are containing within us actually can affect all of those in near proximity to us even without our knowing it (or at times their knowing it). The stronger an emotional force you are as a human being the more effect you will have on those around you, positively or negatively. I hope you will learn to radiate positive energy around you by being, thinking, and feeling as positively as you can every day.
Human Relations & Leadership Part 2 of 3: Treating Others the Way You Want to Be Treated
October 29, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
As part of our series on human relations and leadership, I want to have you think about how you treat EVERYONE around you. Do you treat the rich and privileged with more respect? Do you treat waitstaff with callous disregard? How do you view the strata of humanity as equals or as those who don’t deserve your attention?
Perhaps the greatest role models for this excellence in leadership are two individuals: my mother and my paternal grandfather. Let me discuss with you their singularly remarkable attributes. My mother has instilled in me that every human individual is valuable and should be treated with dignity, respect, and love. In fact, those who are in need and may be deemed at a lower station in life, she goes out of her way to make sure that they are supported emotionally, financially, or in whatever way possible. She helps all those in need around her with a blind eye and with absolute self-abnegation. She is truly a role model for me and continues to be one in my life.
My paternal grandfather with whom I share a birthday (November 6) was a great man in the classic sense. He was honored with the Order of the British Empire (O.B.E.) and met with heads of state like Nixon and LBJ. But what made him great was not his wealth, fortune or title but his character. At the age of 50, he stopped “working” and gave over his life to help those less fortunate for the glory of God by giving away his fortune slowly to those in need. He opened a Baptist College and hospital in Hong Kong and truly spent every waking moment helping all of those around him without desire for recognition. In fact, when he died (I was only a baby at the time), many caddies and their family from the golf club came to my uncles and aunts and said, “What are we going to do? He was paying for all of our education including our college.” He made it a point not to share with my family his altruism as that is the greatest gift he could make was his quiet generosity. My uncles and aunts reassured all the caddies and their families that the pledge my grandfather made would be carried through to fruition by them.
The people that I associate with are those who are dedicated to treat all humanity with love and respect. I simply cannot tolerate individuals who hold themselves above others around them. We are all part of a common race and we are all flawed creatures. Next time you have an individual that you treat with disrespect, think for a moment of why you should consider yourself better than that individual. In my opinion that behavior makes you lower than the person that you are treating badly.
N.B.: As you can see, you now have full capability to post this blog to your facebook account, send it in an email, subscribe, etc. in a single click (see below). Hopefully, that will make this blog more fun and more shareable.
Human Relations & Leadership Part 1 of 3: Exhibiting Self-Control
October 28, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Somehow the past several weeks, I have really enjoyed compartmentalizing my blogs into 3-part series. Perhaps I am trying to get you to come back to read more the next day. Perhaps it is in homage to my good friend in South Korea, Dr. Young-Kyoon Kim, who is both a cosmetic surgeon and an artist and who is fascinated with the number 3. Whatever reason, I enjoy these mini-serial blogs that explore a topic more in depth than a single longwinded blog could accomplish. (This one is longwinded enough.)
I really enjoy my job and one of the most fascinating parts to me is the human relations we have with one another. I am also fascinated by leadership. This blog is about both. Exhibiting a positive force on those individuals around you. Today we are going to talk about controlling one’s temper. I had a leader of mine who came into my office with staff in tow and who was visibly irate. Reportedly, my leader had lost her temper and fired off some less than genteel words toward her followers (I am putting this mildly.) I could clearly see that her followers had lost significant respect for her (and so did I). I realized that her leadership skills were deeply in peril, and I alleviated her of her job almost immediately.
I separated out my staff from her and first talked to my staff and apologized for her behavior and that I considered it unacceptable. I then moved my former leader into a room and said, “If you can’t control yourself, how do you expect to control those around you.” Obviously, I did not mean “control” in a dominating way but control in the sense of having people under you inspired to follow you. Essentially, she had no answer and that compelled me to end her career as a leader in my workplace.
I really look at all my staff as leaders influencing everyone around them. Don’t think you have to be the “boss” to have this blog relate to you. Oftentimes the boss is not the titular boss. If you read Emotional Intelligence you will understand that the real boss is the person who walks into a room and instinctively commands respect and followership. Typically, if no one is following you, there are two reasons for this problem. You didn’t inspire followership or you didn’t hire the right people that can be inspired. Accordingly, I blame the leader not the followers for most things. My leaders are held to a higher accountability.
Back on subject, I have experienced so many terrible leaders during my surgical apprenticeship in large part because surgeons have a God mentality and their arrogance obscures their ability to inspire followership. Honestly, I chose not to do my residency at Baylor College of Medicine, my alma mater, in large part because I was going to be exposed to a group of general surgeons who did not exemplify what I strived to be. I intuitively avoided being abused so that I would not perpetuate that abuse forward. My mentor, Ed Williams, with whom I did my fellowship is an exemplar of leadership excellence and humility in the face of adversity. After 18 fellowship interviews, many of which I truly loved, I realized that I needed to be with Ed because he was going to teach me as much as how to be a surgeon as how to be a gentleman. Thanks Ed for your foundation for excellence!
Perspective Part III: The Last Word
September 25, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
This is a follow-up to a series of blogs on “Perspective”. As part of being a leader for my surgery center and for the larger wellness building, I have to sift through many perspectives and try to attain some “truth” to a problem that is presented to me. First of all, it is my job to understand each different personality with whom I work. Believe me, each person has his/her own personality differences that make that individual unique. I keep a mental scorecard on every staff member and individual in my wellness building of their pluses and minuses. We all have this scorecard, including me. I try not to look at an individual’s negatives but focus on their positives. However, by knowing their negatives, I know how to minimize their biases and to try to maintain a more balanced perspective on a given issue.
Since I have multiple layers of leaders under me, I don’t manage many of the day-to-day affairs of the building but ultimately I do. When one of my leaders comes to report a problem to me, I usually hear the voice of the last person my leader talked to. In fact, in the words used, I can truly hear that person’s voice and I can at times guess, “Oh, I see, you must have just spoken to Susan (made up name to protect the not-so innocent).” Every time we speak to someone, that individual will present himself/herself in the most glowing light since it is never that person’s fault. How ever moral and ethical we are, we have a tendency to inflate ourselves and to blame others for a problem. We are always the angel, and they are always the devil. And, believe me, I can hear the angel and devil scenario presented to me.
If you have ever seen Akira Kurosawa’s classic, Rashomon, you know the inability at getting toward a knowable truth because of the human biases involved in recounting an event. In the black-and-white film, there is a rape and a murder that are recounted from multiple vantage points. Each time the story is retold through a different person’s voice, the bias is clearly evident and the taint of the storyline is apparent.
If you are called to be a leader (in whatever capacity) or even have to deal with another human being (in other words, this blog relates to you unless you are Robinson Crusoe), I would say that we all have to deal with human bias. How, we can intelligently handle that information depends on our emotional intelligence, something that we are born with but that we can also improve upon.
There are always two sides to a story. Whenever you get too much bias from one party, try to see if you can get the other side of the story too. Just remember the truth probably lies somewhere in between two extremes presented. Then reflect on the reliability factor of that person’s commentary. There are some people that tend to be very biased in their comments and then there are some people that tend to be biased more with certain topics that are particularly sensitive to them. Reading another individual can help you break free partially from untruths toward a more enlightened reading of a problem and help to solve problematic human interactions. Don’t be a prisoner to the last person you spoke with. Don’t be subjugated by the “last word.”