Now many of you out there may be thinking, “I’m not a leader.”  I have no interest in reading these blogs, but YOU ARE!  Everyone has the potential of being a leader.  If you are a parent, you are a leader.  If you have friends, you can lead them by being who you are.  I like what Maxwell’s objective of what a leader is for, to help others (more about that on another day).  I want to encourage, exhort, and inspire all of you to be daily leaders to all of those within your proximity and perhaps even for those who are only within a more remote reach.  More importantly, you need to lead yourself first.  Well, I’m getting ahead of myself.  That is tomorrow’s blog.

His opening thoughts were that leaders should not be lonely at the top.  They are if they do not have any relationship with those who work on their team.  When leaders separate themselves from their team, they no longer have a team at all.  That is why I encourage the idea of “Team LFP” rather than subordinates.  I know every spouse, child, and animal name for everyone in my organization.  I take personal interest in their personal lives. Not prying but asking and being open to receive anything that I can help them with in their personal lives if they need it.  I encourage them to call me at home and on weekends if they need me for any reason.  It is the same offer that I extend to my patients on whom I have worked.  (I in return do not call them during their personal hours and spend very little time on the phone if I must absolutely call them at home.)  My team works with me and not for me.  They are my lifeblood and they are as vital a part of Team LFP as I am.  I like what Maxwell said, “A team does not care about how much a leader knows, until it knows how much he cares.”

I like what John Maxwell said about a “self-made man” who came to him and said, “I did everything myself, and I made it myself.”  Maxwell wanted to respond, “I’m sorry.  You must have not accomplished much then.”  There is no such thing as a self-made individual.  Anything worth achieving is achieved as a team not in isolation.  Don’t kid yourself please in thinking that you made it on your own.  If you think that, please don’t bother talking to me.  I don’t think you have the clarity of vision of what a leader really is or does.

I am still learning myself in becoming a leader.  Last year, my staff despite being very happy with LFP was not happy enough.  I did not project the right leadership mindset and was not as approachable.  I am working on that, and I am now fortunately more approachable.  It was not that I was aloof.  My staff simply did not perceive me as being as part of the team as much as I should have been.  In 2009, I have made the promise to my staff and to myself to be a more vigilant and present CEO of this company and of all the businesses that I own.  I am working on that mission every day, and I have encouraged my staff to tell me when I fail in that mission.  I would encourage whatever position you have in life (personal or professional) to look and see whether you inspire followership.  I let go a staff member last year that had many good leadership skills but also very poor ones.  Simply put, that individual had no followers.  If you have no followers, you are not leading.  To lead, you need 2 things:  direction and followers.  I hope we all can assume a level of personal leadership for those around us.  This world is truly crying out for good leadership. I hope you can be the one to provide it.

I would like to thank Emina, emotional coach and hair transplant coordinator extraordinaire, for getting me to read The Voice of Knowledge, Ruiz’s “sequel” if you will to The Four Agreements.  The information presented in this week’s blogs is not as structured as last week’s but should be thought of as important refinements in the thinking presented from understanding and implementing the four agreements into our life.

The title, The Voice of Knowledge, comes from the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, which opens the book.  Without a detailed retelling of a well-known story, we can recount it in brief as an anchor for this blog.  Adam and Eve were told by God not to eat from the tree of knowledge which contained the knowledge of good and evil.  The fallen angel, Satan, in the guise of a serpent tempted humankind to partake of the forbidden fruit, which opened their eyes to their own faults and thereby unleashed a pandora’s box for the remainder of humanity.

Original sin, as Ruiz conceives of it, is not sex but our own self-directed lies about ourselves.  We tell ourselves, “I am not worthy.”; “I am stupid.”; and “I will fail.”  In short, we believe our own lies.  The voice of knowledge is the voice of our own lies.  Take it this way:  when we were children and did not have the knowledge imparted to us of our own limitations, we did not know any better. We did not have knowledge of such things.  We were invincible.  Slowly, with the lies that we tell ourselves and the lies that others tell of us, we begin to gain knowledge that is in essence a lie.  We begin to focus on our imperfections and we begin to subscribe to those limitations.

Ruiz’s grandfather, a Toltec shaman, instilled in Ruiz that he was perfect, as God created him to be.  That the imperfections he saw in himself were a manifestation of lies that he told himself and that others told of him.  Our gradual acceptance of these limitations begins to force us to view ourselves in this said manner and it clouds our ability to see clearly.  The mitote, or fog, we talked about last week comes from a thousand voices telling us how we should behave or what they think of us.  When all that really matters is getting to our true voice of how we should see ourselves.  This week’s blogs will focus on getting us to see our real selves without the layers that we add through years of listening to the voice of knowledge.  Tomorrow’s blog is on viewing ourselves as artists and how to tell our story.

The first agreement is the most important agreement that you must have with yourself; it is at once the most powerful but also the most difficult to keep. We must struggle with it on a daily basis but we must not let a failure from yesterday influence our decision to continue with our fulfillment of this agreement. Many times we live either in the past or in the future, but we must live in the present moment so that we maintain each agreement as a daily renewable contract with ourselves.

Words are magical. The words that we use reflect more of ourselves than of those we speak. In the Gospel of John, it says, “In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word is God.” The words we choose to use can either be pure magic filled with love, compassion, and generosity or be black magic that casts a spell on all those who hear it. One man in Germany stirred up an intelligent nation to commit the most grievous atrocities and acts of violence 70 years ago simply through the use of his word.

To be impeccable with your word means to be without sin in your use of words. Impeccable comes from the Latin “im-” meaning without and “peccatus” meaning sin. We sin against ourselves first and foremost but we sin against others when we use words in a harmful way. When a child singing beautifully hears her mother say, “Stop singing! You have an ugly voice.” That child carries that agreement, or belief system, for the rest of her life. Even though the mother may have been irritated by any voice in her proximity no matter how angelic, the child will bear the burden of not wanting to sing forever until someone might break her spell with a new agreement, “Wow, you have the most amazing voice! Why don’t you sing for me?”

When we call someone “stupid”, we are not being impeccable with our word. If someone called you stupid in the past, and you are living with that legacy, you must make a new agreement with yourself to free yourself from the chains of another’s black magic. That person calling you stupid, uneducated, foolish, or whatever is pointing his or own finger at himself not at you.

The most emotionally poisonous black magic that we can throw is gossip. When we speak ill of someone else around us, we cast a terrible spell. If you are impeccable with your word, the spell cannot be cast on you no matter how black the magic the person uses. Being impeccable with your word creates an aura of love and acceptance that does not accept the black magic of the other person’s word. But you cannot be impeccable with your word if you cast that black magic. Using words to demean others reflects more on the person that speaks it than it does on the person against whom the words are used.

This first agreement must be made with yourself. It is an agreement to leave your own self-imposed hell. It allows you to only use words in an impeccable way. If you fail, do not abandon your quest. But begin anew. Be impeccable with your word.

Well, this week we move from the wisdom of the Far East to return to our hemisphere to learn from the ancient tribe of southern Mexico, the Toltecs, who practiced a not explicitly religious but nevertheless spiritual path to guide one’s life in a profound yet practical way. The wisdom from these blogs comes from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. Today we will introduce the idea of what state we are in in our lives so that you can understand the necessity and the method of applying the Four Agreements over the next week.

The Toltecs looked at the way that we perceive ourselves as dirtied by a thick fog, which they called mitote (pronounced mih-toe’-tay). The belief systems that we have are instilled in us as a child, which we then carry forward for the remainder of our lives most oftentimes unwittingly. The Toltecs framed life as a 24/7 dream with an external dream and an internal dream. The external dream is what others have created in us as Ruiz argues through a process of “domestication” starting with our parents. If our parents say, “Son, you are no good.” We carry those limitations with us and we believe in those words even though it hurts us to do so.

Ruiz, a Toltec himself, posits that humans are the only beings that hurt themselves a thousand times for the same mistake. We also tend to hurt others for that one mistake that was made, whereas animals make a mistake and move forward. We allow others to abuse us, to judge us, and to permit ourselves to be victims because that is the domestication that was handed down to us. In fact, we can maintain relationships that are painful so long as that pain of abuse does not exceed our level of self abuse and self hatred. If you hate yourself to a certain degree, and someone else treats you worse than you treat yourself, you will divorce yourself from that person’s presence. However, if you are filled with self loathing, then even if the person treats you badly if it is less than your own self perception of abuse, you will tolerate that abuse and allow it to be perpetuated indefinitely.

In The Four Agreements, Ruiz uses ancient Toltec wisdom to help an individual break free from these draining belief systems, or old agreements, to create new agreements that emanate from one’s own personal dream to influence and shape the external dream. Why subscribe to the four internal agreements? Simply put, so that you can free yourself from your own personal hell and create your own dream of heaven. So that you can reduce your own internal pain and free yourself since no one else can do that for you. As you break these old agreements, you will see that you won’t be drained but you will be filled with a newfound sense of energy that will then feed itself to provide you even more energy, as you pursue your dream of happiness. What are these four agreements? Well, we will cover one each day over this next week. I hope you find this ancient wisdom as enlightening as I have in my personal quest for self improvement and self actualization.

There is the famous tale told in The Art of Happiness of Kisa Gotami, a woman who lost her child and who went to the Great Buddha to help her return her child back from the dead. The Buddha said, “No worries, I have a solution.” The woman replied, “Ah, I knew you would have an answer for me” with great hope in her heart. Buddha said, “Please go to a household and ask to have some of their mustard seed. However, just make sure that household has not suffered the loss of a family member or friend.” With elation, the woman went out to a household and was able to easily procure the mustard seed, a common item. But when she inquired, “Did any of your family or friends suffer death?” The answer would return, “Please leave this house. Of course, we have experienced death in this household.” With great frustration, Kisa Gotami buried her son in the forest. She returned to the Buddha now with the understanding that all men suffer and that her selfishness and longing for what was not possible only compounded her suffering.

Suffering is part of life. Death is part of life. We all grieve at certain losses of loved ones, friends, possessions, social rank, etc. However, suffering is inescapable. It is part of our very existence. When we accept suffering as a fact, we can unburden ourselves that our suffering is somehow unique. We can share that suffering with others in compassion (see yesterday’s blog) and we should try to carry the burden of another’s suffering as our own through our compassion. When we recognize the impermanence of life and things we can confront our suffering as we should, which is that it is a fact that will occur. Through acceptance, we can lighten our burden and not make it weigh us down to the point of not seeing forward or upward or around it.

Buddhist thought espouses that there are 4 Noble Truths: 1. Life means suffering.; 2. The origin of suffering is attachment.; 3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.; and 4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering. Without engaging in a thorough exegesis of Buddhism (which I couldn’t do anyway since my knowledge is at best cursory from just reading this short book), suffice it to understand that our path to eliminate suffering involves eliminating 3 behaviors: ignorance, craving, and hatred. Ignorance does not involve stupidity but ignorance of the fact that life will have suffering and that is part of our samsara, or existence. Second, the origin of suffering is our attachment or craving and constantly wanting (please read Tuesday’s blog on contentment.) Third, we must let go of hatred.

When someone attacks you, it is your response to the hatred that will either create your own destiny of self destruction or provide a channel of freedom based on your response to it. If you do not allow the hatred to consume you but to pass you by, that will free you. I have a gentleman who wanted to blaspheme my reputation and engage in slander. Of course, my initial reaction was vehement hatred, but I am truly truly free of that. I look at all humanity with equanimity and compassion and feel compassion for such an individual and for all humanity equally. I feel an intimate connection to all pain out there and feel pain deeply when someone is suffering. I have an innate sense of that because I have worked to cultivate that compassion. I am certainly far from being there and am a work in progress, but these blogs serve as a cathartic vehicle for me to express my inner soul to you and hopefully help someone out there who should decide to read these words.

This week we have investigated how we see positive things in our life (contentment and intimacy) and negative things in life (compassion and suffering) with the same vigor, tranquility, and open-mindedness to make our lives fulfilled and happy. Clearly, these short blogs do not do justice to the complexity of the book, The Art of Happiness, or all of the extensive writings of the Dalai Lama. These abbreviated thoughts are meant to frame further thinking, research, and emotional awakening in your quest for happiness.

When we see each others as human beings and nothing more and nothing less, we see each other as our true selves. Please read yesterday’s blog if you have not done so already before reading today’s. It will help you to understand the meaning of today’s blog much better, and today’s blog represents the next level to achieve after yesterday’s.

The Dalai Lama talks about how we respond to a fish writhing in torment with a hook in its mouth or a bear wincing in pain with an arrow through its body. That universal sense of connection with any sentient being is known as compassion. The Dalai Lama separates “attachment” from “compassion”. Attachment is the feeling we have for someone we know or love because they are a friend, relative, loved one, etc. Compassion can be deeper and more universal in scope.

Although attachment may appear to offer a deeper level of feeling for another, universal compassion separate from attachment actually does. When one of our loved ones does something wrong, we may respond with hatred or resentment because we have that level of attachment. True compassion is separate from knowing that individual. It simply means if I see someone else suffering or in pain that I would respond to that individual because I feel their pain and believe in my heart for the natural right of every individual for happiness and to avoid suffering. Therefore, a vital component to compassion is empathy. Empathy involves putting ourselves in the position of the other person to feel what they are feeling and to get to the point that we can relate to their pain and share it with them.

The obvious question may be why would we want to involve ourselves with another’s despair? Would that not be in diametric opposition to our goal of wanting to attain happiness? The Dalai Lama explains that when we suffer for ourselves we enter an unbridled misery that is difficult to escape but when we suffer with another we feel an elation to be able to share that burden with another. If you see someone in pain, don’t dismiss it or leave it but feel what they are feeling and feel it as deeply as they do.

Compassion is at the heart of connecting with another. It helps unite our feelings. Sharing your burden with others can help lighten your load as well…of course, only to those with receptive ears and hearts. In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama commented he would talk to whoever was in proximity to him about his emotions so that they could share one another’s feelings, good or bad. For example, when he was confronted with the loss of his country, he talked to the person sweeping his floor in his chambers. Some have asked, “What did you get from sharing your thoughts with someone that could not help understand your plight?” He replied that he could share their common humanity and by doing so through a compassionate perspective share his own burden.

The next time you see someone in pain or suffering, don’t turn your eye away but connect with them so that you can share their pain and in so doing you will not feel more pain but a universal connection of compassion that is only positive for both of you. Reading today’s blog will help you understand tomorrow’s better on confronting suffering, our last blog on the art of happiness.

Okay, before you guys get too excited about this one, I am not talking explicitly about sexual intimacy (actually a little bit not a lot). Obviously, when reading the works of a Buddhist monk, you won’t get too much sage advice regarding sexual matters, or at least I hope not. What I am talking about is connecting with other human beings at the core level of humanity. Let me explain.

The Dalai Lama talks about how oftentimes we as humans see barriers of difference between us like our skin color, age, sex, religion, political views, education, social status, etc. However, the common linkage between all of us sentient beings is our humanity. Next time you see another person in front of you, try to remove all the trappings that separate you two and look “intimately” at their core self, which is their humanity. By doing so, we achieve a connectedness with one another that not only shapes the other person in front of us but it shapes us as well in a positive way.

Obviously, nurturing relationships of a romantic and sexual nature are part of what we seek in life. However, we can eliminate loneliness, oftentimes the driving force behind our actions, by becoming connected with all human life in an “intimate” way (no, not sexual.) When Dr. Cutler asked the Dalai Lama in the book, The Art of Happiness, whether he ever felt loneliness. The answer was immediate and succinct, “No.” Now, how did a monk who lived his entire existence without female companionship not feel loneliness? In short, because of his profound intimacy with human nature.

As a great exercise to start (hopefully to become innate over time for all of us), try to look at every human being today as a human being stripped of all manner of social rank, status, color, gender, etc. And connect with them. If you start to connect on a daily level with every human being you encounter as a human being and nothing further, feelings of loneliness and disconnect will begin to fade. I think it is a great way to live life and a way that can help us achieve a happiness that will be greatly returned as another individual radiates that warmth back and thereby escalates our happy state. Today’s blog is a prerequisite understanding for tomorrow’s on compassion.

On the subject of romantic intimacy, the Dalai Lama did have some words of wisdom. He noted those marriages that failed were ones based solely on physical attraction. Although physical attraction can draw two individuals together, that bond is fleeting. In order for that intimacy to endure, it must be founded on a deeper level of mutual respect. Oftentimes, romance as captured on celluloid works on a fundamental level of idealization of the other partner without the perception of the other as a human being but merely as an object. When the human flaws begin to poke through the cracks, which they inevitably do, the lust of the other as an object will be easily and irrevocably tarnished. Wise words from a monk!

P.S.: I’M REALLY HAPPY TO REPORT THAT AFTER MONTHS OF WORK, MY WEBMASTER HAS LAUNCHED AN ENTIRELY NEW BEFORE AND AFTER GALLERY. SHORTLY AFTER I LAUNCHED MY FLASH VERSION TO REPLACE MY HTML VERSION I REALIZE HOW NON-INTUITIVE MY NAVIGATION WAS SO I HAVE REPLACED IT WITH A VERSION THAT I THINK OFFERS THE BEST OF THE FLASH AND HTML VERSIONS. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE COMMENTS ON MY BEFORE AND AFTERS. THE SLIDESHOW FUNCTION DID NOT SEEM TO WORK LAST NIGHT. I HAVE MY WEBMASTER WORKING ON THAT AND THERE ARE A FEW MISSING THUMBNAILS BUT I THINK YOU WILL REALLY LIKE THE FUNCTIONALITY AND FORM OF MY NEW GALLERY. YOU MAY ALSO NOTICE THAT THE THUMBNAILS ROTATE EVERY TIME YOU VISIT THE SECTION. HERE IS AN EASY LINK TO IT.

Let’s start with the obvious, happiness is achieving profound contentment. Obvious? Not really. Most oftentimes, we define our happiness unwittingly as greed. We want something we don’t have. Surprisingly, once we get what we want, we are still unhappy because that is what greed is. It is insatiable. Greed creates an anxiety within us that whatever our current state whether “high or low” will still be deemed low. And even when we become higher, we will still express unhappiness. Even worse, if we lost what we had and now don’t have it, we live in even deeper despair.

In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how he loves supermarkets and all of the shiny things that can be procured at today’s epicurean über-markets. He starts with a deep lust and want for what is in front of him. He then understands that his pockets will soon empty by his fulfilling his wants only to leave him still wanting more. Instead, he replaces his desire for want with a thought of what he needs. The desire then quickly evaporates. Now, we all can’t be Buddhist monks. However, if we are filled with perpetual lust for what we don’t have, we will live in a state of negativity that in reality will never be satisfied by the very definition of greedy acquisition.

This does not mean that you cannot enjoy nice things or be wealthy. He in fact talks about two types of wealthy men in the book. One kind yearns and yearns for more and is never satisfied. When he loses any of his possessions, he suffers deeply at his loss. The other affluent gentleman appreciates his wealth but appreciates more a deep level of self contentedness that will not vacillate with his material status.

For myself, despite significant loss in the financial markets, I have still a very profound equanimity of spirit. Those material things that are lost are lost and so be it. I spoke with an individual a couple of years ago who lost a lot of money on certain investments and now lives by indiscriminately squandering his money simply because he could not make a go of his financial investments so why not just live for today and throw the money out the window? Well, neither situation is very good. Chasing money so as to horde it is not meritorious behavior nor is lustful pursuit of hedonism. Quiet contentment of your current blessings should be the root of happiness without the disquiet of chasing whatever else in front of us.

For an individual of unsettled ambition, this admonition serves me well and is something that I constantly battle. Fortunately, despite my love for beautiful things, at root I am very very happy with where I am today and work constantly to achieve a calm sense of happiness without regard to fluctuations in trivial acquisitions or monetary status. I was listening to my staff member, Darla, who expressed to me 2 weeks ago before I read The Art of Happiness, that she was contented. I then read the book and shared with her about the Dalai Lama’s teachings and how far in alignment she was with the attainment of happiness in her very expressed use of the word, “contented”. I think in the future I will try to use the words, “I am content” rather than “I am happy” since it truly reflects a calming sense of self-realization of where we should be today.

The Roman Baths in Bath, England

As many of you know, I am a big proponent of taking a little time for yourself to decompress and to heal. As a spa owner, I frequent my own spa to attain much needed escape from my daily routine. One thing that I do for myself at home is take a bath with hydrotherapy jets at least once a week if not more frequently. I have some sea salts that I bought but ideally I try to sneak into my spa and mix Epsom salts with Dead Sea salts along with various other Chinese herbs to help my skin, muscles, and nervous system.

For time immemorial, hot baths and springs have served as a vehicle for healing and renewal. I remember fondly the time that I spent in the natural onsen (Japanese hot springs) outside of Tokyo. German studies have shown that high magnesium content found in the Dead Sea can help enhance one’s skin barrier and also reduce skin inflammation. Other studies have shown improvement in psoriasis as well as helping deepen one’s sleep. Minerals are absorbed during bathing that can lead to increased blood circulation to aid in minimizing different types of arthritic conditions. Skin aging can be improved with some studies showing a 40% reduction in wrinking. Certain acne conditions can be ameliorated as well. Bromides and magnesium can serve to control allergies and detoxify and cleanse the skin. Epsom salts, which have been widely studied, have been shown to heal a damaged muscular and nervous system. I always try to mix some Epsom salts in with my Dead Sea salts after a hard day or after a massage session. Bath salts can also minimize the pruning effect otherwise typically observed following prolonged water immersion because it maintains a better osmotic pressure gradient across the skin. Phosphates can help to soften calloused skin and to aid in exfoliation. These salts can also act to enhance the effect of soaps to clean one’s skin.

All in all, even if these touted benefits do not hold 100% true, the ritualistic bath can serve as a much needed time to heal one’s mind and soul as well as one’s body. I use it as a time not to think of anything or at times to enter a quiet time of deep reflection. I truly enjoy my bath time even without the rubber duckie.