The Art of Happiness Part 4 of 5: Compassion
January 8, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
When we see each others as human beings and nothing more and nothing less, we see each other as our true selves. Please read yesterday’s blog if you have not done so already before reading today’s. It will help you to understand the meaning of today’s blog much better, and today’s blog represents the next level to achieve after yesterday’s.
The Dalai Lama talks about how we respond to a fish writhing in torment with a hook in its mouth or a bear wincing in pain with an arrow through its body. That universal sense of connection with any sentient being is known as compassion. The Dalai Lama separates “attachment” from “compassion”. Attachment is the feeling we have for someone we know or love because they are a friend, relative, loved one, etc. Compassion can be deeper and more universal in scope.
Although attachment may appear to offer a deeper level of feeling for another, universal compassion separate from attachment actually does. When one of our loved ones does something wrong, we may respond with hatred or resentment because we have that level of attachment. True compassion is separate from knowing that individual. It simply means if I see someone else suffering or in pain that I would respond to that individual because I feel their pain and believe in my heart for the natural right of every individual for happiness and to avoid suffering. Therefore, a vital component to compassion is empathy. Empathy involves putting ourselves in the position of the other person to feel what they are feeling and to get to the point that we can relate to their pain and share it with them.
The obvious question may be why would we want to involve ourselves with another’s despair? Would that not be in diametric opposition to our goal of wanting to attain happiness? The Dalai Lama explains that when we suffer for ourselves we enter an unbridled misery that is difficult to escape but when we suffer with another we feel an elation to be able to share that burden with another. If you see someone in pain, don’t dismiss it or leave it but feel what they are feeling and feel it as deeply as they do.
Compassion is at the heart of connecting with another. It helps unite our feelings. Sharing your burden with others can help lighten your load as well…of course, only to those with receptive ears and hearts. In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama commented he would talk to whoever was in proximity to him about his emotions so that they could share one another’s feelings, good or bad. For example, when he was confronted with the loss of his country, he talked to the person sweeping his floor in his chambers. Some have asked, “What did you get from sharing your thoughts with someone that could not help understand your plight?” He replied that he could share their common humanity and by doing so through a compassionate perspective share his own burden.
The next time you see someone in pain or suffering, don’t turn your eye away but connect with them so that you can share their pain and in so doing you will not feel more pain but a universal connection of compassion that is only positive for both of you. Reading today’s blog will help you understand tomorrow’s better on confronting suffering, our last blog on the art of happiness.
The Art of Happiness Part 3 of 5: Intimacy
January 7, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Okay, before you guys get too excited about this one, I am not talking explicitly about sexual intimacy (actually a little bit not a lot). Obviously, when reading the works of a Buddhist monk, you won’t get too much sage advice regarding sexual matters, or at least I hope not. What I am talking about is connecting with other human beings at the core level of humanity. Let me explain.
The Dalai Lama talks about how oftentimes we as humans see barriers of difference between us like our skin color, age, sex, religion, political views, education, social status, etc. However, the common linkage between all of us sentient beings is our humanity. Next time you see another person in front of you, try to remove all the trappings that separate you two and look “intimately” at their core self, which is their humanity. By doing so, we achieve a connectedness with one another that not only shapes the other person in front of us but it shapes us as well in a positive way.
Obviously, nurturing relationships of a romantic and sexual nature are part of what we seek in life. However, we can eliminate loneliness, oftentimes the driving force behind our actions, by becoming connected with all human life in an “intimate” way (no, not sexual.) When Dr. Cutler asked the Dalai Lama in the book, The Art of Happiness, whether he ever felt loneliness. The answer was immediate and succinct, “No.” Now, how did a monk who lived his entire existence without female companionship not feel loneliness? In short, because of his profound intimacy with human nature.
As a great exercise to start (hopefully to become innate over time for all of us), try to look at every human being today as a human being stripped of all manner of social rank, status, color, gender, etc. And connect with them. If you start to connect on a daily level with every human being you encounter as a human being and nothing further, feelings of loneliness and disconnect will begin to fade. I think it is a great way to live life and a way that can help us achieve a happiness that will be greatly returned as another individual radiates that warmth back and thereby escalates our happy state. Today’s blog is a prerequisite understanding for tomorrow’s on compassion.
On the subject of romantic intimacy, the Dalai Lama did have some words of wisdom. He noted those marriages that failed were ones based solely on physical attraction. Although physical attraction can draw two individuals together, that bond is fleeting. In order for that intimacy to endure, it must be founded on a deeper level of mutual respect. Oftentimes, romance as captured on celluloid works on a fundamental level of idealization of the other partner without the perception of the other as a human being but merely as an object. When the human flaws begin to poke through the cracks, which they inevitably do, the lust of the other as an object will be easily and irrevocably tarnished. Wise words from a monk!
P.S.: I’M REALLY HAPPY TO REPORT THAT AFTER MONTHS OF WORK, MY WEBMASTER HAS LAUNCHED AN ENTIRELY NEW BEFORE AND AFTER GALLERY. SHORTLY AFTER I LAUNCHED MY FLASH VERSION TO REPLACE MY HTML VERSION I REALIZE HOW NON-INTUITIVE MY NAVIGATION WAS SO I HAVE REPLACED IT WITH A VERSION THAT I THINK OFFERS THE BEST OF THE FLASH AND HTML VERSIONS. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE COMMENTS ON MY BEFORE AND AFTERS. THE SLIDESHOW FUNCTION DID NOT SEEM TO WORK LAST NIGHT. I HAVE MY WEBMASTER WORKING ON THAT AND THERE ARE A FEW MISSING THUMBNAILS BUT I THINK YOU WILL REALLY LIKE THE FUNCTIONALITY AND FORM OF MY NEW GALLERY. YOU MAY ALSO NOTICE THAT THE THUMBNAILS ROTATE EVERY TIME YOU VISIT THE SECTION. HERE IS AN EASY LINK TO IT.
The Art of Happiness Part 2 of 5: Contentment
January 6, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
Let’s start with the obvious, happiness is achieving profound contentment. Obvious? Not really. Most oftentimes, we define our happiness unwittingly as greed. We want something we don’t have. Surprisingly, once we get what we want, we are still unhappy because that is what greed is. It is insatiable. Greed creates an anxiety within us that whatever our current state whether “high or low” will still be deemed low. And even when we become higher, we will still express unhappiness. Even worse, if we lost what we had and now don’t have it, we live in even deeper despair.
In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how he loves supermarkets and all of the shiny things that can be procured at today’s epicurean über-markets. He starts with a deep lust and want for what is in front of him. He then understands that his pockets will soon empty by his fulfilling his wants only to leave him still wanting more. Instead, he replaces his desire for want with a thought of what he needs. The desire then quickly evaporates. Now, we all can’t be Buddhist monks. However, if we are filled with perpetual lust for what we don’t have, we will live in a state of negativity that in reality will never be satisfied by the very definition of greedy acquisition.
This does not mean that you cannot enjoy nice things or be wealthy. He in fact talks about two types of wealthy men in the book. One kind yearns and yearns for more and is never satisfied. When he loses any of his possessions, he suffers deeply at his loss. The other affluent gentleman appreciates his wealth but appreciates more a deep level of self contentedness that will not vacillate with his material status.
For myself, despite significant loss in the financial markets, I have still a very profound equanimity of spirit. Those material things that are lost are lost and so be it. I spoke with an individual a couple of years ago who lost a lot of money on certain investments and now lives by indiscriminately squandering his money simply because he could not make a go of his financial investments so why not just live for today and throw the money out the window? Well, neither situation is very good. Chasing money so as to horde it is not meritorious behavior nor is lustful pursuit of hedonism. Quiet contentment of your current blessings should be the root of happiness without the disquiet of chasing whatever else in front of us.
For an individual of unsettled ambition, this admonition serves me well and is something that I constantly battle. Fortunately, despite my love for beautiful things, at root I am very very happy with where I am today and work constantly to achieve a calm sense of happiness without regard to fluctuations in trivial acquisitions or monetary status. I was listening to my staff member, Darla, who expressed to me 2 weeks ago before I read The Art of Happiness, that she was contented. I then read the book and shared with her about the Dalai Lama’s teachings and how far in alignment she was with the attainment of happiness in her very expressed use of the word, “contented”. I think in the future I will try to use the words, “I am content” rather than “I am happy” since it truly reflects a calming sense of self-realization of where we should be today.
Ritual Baths & Sea Salts
January 2, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
The Roman Baths in Bath, England
As many of you know, I am a big proponent of taking a little time for yourself to decompress and to heal. As a spa owner, I frequent my own spa to attain much needed escape from my daily routine. One thing that I do for myself at home is take a bath with hydrotherapy jets at least once a week if not more frequently. I have some sea salts that I bought but ideally I try to sneak into my spa and mix Epsom salts with Dead Sea salts along with various other Chinese herbs to help my skin, muscles, and nervous system.
For time immemorial, hot baths and springs have served as a vehicle for healing and renewal. I remember fondly the time that I spent in the natural onsen (Japanese hot springs) outside of Tokyo. German studies have shown that high magnesium content found in the Dead Sea can help enhance one’s skin barrier and also reduce skin inflammation. Other studies have shown improvement in psoriasis as well as helping deepen one’s sleep. Minerals are absorbed during bathing that can lead to increased blood circulation to aid in minimizing different types of arthritic conditions. Skin aging can be improved with some studies showing a 40% reduction in wrinking. Certain acne conditions can be ameliorated as well. Bromides and magnesium can serve to control allergies and detoxify and cleanse the skin. Epsom salts, which have been widely studied, have been shown to heal a damaged muscular and nervous system. I always try to mix some Epsom salts in with my Dead Sea salts after a hard day or after a massage session. Bath salts can also minimize the pruning effect otherwise typically observed following prolonged water immersion because it maintains a better osmotic pressure gradient across the skin. Phosphates can help to soften calloused skin and to aid in exfoliation. These salts can also act to enhance the effect of soaps to clean one’s skin.
All in all, even if these touted benefits do not hold 100% true, the ritualistic bath can serve as a much needed time to heal one’s mind and soul as well as one’s body. I use it as a time not to think of anything or at times to enter a quiet time of deep reflection. I truly enjoy my bath time even without the rubber duckie.