The Art of Happiness Part 1 of 5: Pursuing Happiness
January 5, 2009 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I just finished the book, The Art of Happiness, which involves teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and his conversations with Phoenix psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler, M.D. Dr. Cutler tries to explore the ideas of Buddhist thought as preached and practiced by the Dalai Lama, as they would be explicable and applicable to non-Buddhists in the West. During this time of financial vicissitudes, we can perhaps learn a lot from global thoughts that antedate and continue to flourish during our lives from the Far East. I will not summarize the book but focus on select topics that have personal resonance for me that I thought would be helpful for my readership. These blogs represent an attempt for me at personal growth and self awareness and are letters written to myself that if burnished well will radiate to all those who are interested enough to read them.
The Dalai Lama believes that happiness is the singular purpose of life that supercedes all other concerns or at least represents the fundamental distillation of what our life should be about. At first glance, this comment seems to belie a monkish disposition and compel one to think that a monk is advocating some kind of dissolute, hedonistic life. Rather, as you read through this 5-part series, you will see that in fact the opposite is the case. In short, altruism and compassion are rooted in one’s own inner happiness.
As mentioned, we think that if we are to pursue happiness, we are in fact elevating our selfish nature. However, if we stop to think of how truly happy individuals can radiate kindness, compassion, and love to others; whereas, unhappy people pass on their disgruntled demeanor and horde and heave hatred and displeasure to all who encounter them. If we start with understanding how to reach a deep and meaningful happiness, we can use that as a launching point to help others. In fact, the act of helping others can be a truly happy action to take. But more about that later this week.
If life is for living, how else can we live but in a happy state. Living in a depressed, angry, or self-tormented condition will only lead to an unbearable state that contravenes our very nature. We were not born to live in misery. In fact, in one part of the book when Dr. Cutler asks the Dalai Lama about self-hatred, he received a befuddled silence in response. The Dalai Lama simply could not understand what this concept meant, as he had never encountered it in his sheltered world. If our fundamental nature is designed for happiness, then how can we achieve it? We will explore the following concepts over this next week: contentment, intimacy, compassion, and confronting suffering to draw broad strokes within which you can create finer etchings that will define your own existence.
Happy New Year!
January 1, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
Time truly flies. I literally cannot believe that 2008 has drawn to a close and the new year is already upon us. I think today should be a time of both reflection of the past year and what we have in store for us in the coming year.
Although 2008 has been a rocky year in the world, I am grateful that LFP has been relatively shielded from the effects so far of the economic downturn. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, I would like to focus on some of the positive milestones of this past year. First, I finished writing my 5th book in 5 years, Aging Face: The New Paradigm, which I am very proud of. This should be my last venture into the world of hard-core academic publishing besides ongoing book chapters and scientific papers. In a way what I foresee for myself is to transition from an ensconced academia into the mainstream (more about that in a moment). I am also proud that a year ago I took 4 months out of my life and studied hard to sit and pass the American Board of Hair Restoration Surgery and am now a diplomate with only 120 others in the world. This past year I had the good fortune of completely filling my building but then losing ground with the closure of the lap-band center and vein center upstairs. Nevertheless, my spa opened and is growing by leaps and bounds and the anti-aging center and rolfing center are going like gangbusters. Although in 2007 LFP had 1 or 2 slow months, this is the first year that we had complete uniformity with no slow months and bookings several months out in advance. I am very proud of the accomplishments of my staff and my building.
My next year will carry more responsibility in many ways. First, I will be carrying the title of moderator for my Entrepreneur’s Organization (EO) forum, which will demand much time from me. Second, I shall be turning up the heat as Editor-in-Chief of the academy’s Face Book that will be published as a major consumer’s guide to facial plastic surgery (don’t worry, we copyrighted Facebook before facebook.com did). My plan over the next two years will involve becoming much more of a mainstream presence on television, public speaking, etc. I am very much interested in getting my vision out to every household to the best of my ability. I look forward to a fun, exciting and growing 2009, and I hope you continue your journey with me.
The Trouble of Mitigated Speech & Hofstede’s Power Distance Index
December 30, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
I can’t help but draw from Gladwell’s Outliers again as source material since it is so rich with ideas that have profoundly shaped my thinking. He talked about why Korean Airlines had one of the worst crash records from the late 80s to the late 90s. Interestingly, what he also found is that when the most experienced pilot flew, there was the highest chance for a crash, whereas when the least experienced pilot flew, it tended to be the safest flight.
What was observed at KAL was that the subordinate or lesser pilot would pay deference to the senior captain so he could almost never overtly challenge the senior captain’s stewardship of the plane. He would then speak in what is termed “mitigated speech”, i.e., very elliptically made speech that never directly attacked the captain. For example, if the plane had too much ice to make flying the plane a safe venture, the co-pilot would say something like, “Boy, it’s cold out there.” Of course, the pilot would have no idea what he was talking about. He could up the ante a bit and say, “Boy, the wings look a bit icy tonight, what do you think?” He might even go so far as to say, “Maybe we should take another look to see if there is too much ice on the wings to fly?” In almost every case, the Korean pilot would be too oblique in his commentary and deferential to change the captain’s mind about something that should have been very obvious.
The Korean language carries many honorifics and many layers of deferential speak that separate societal ranks. Customs further reinforce this behavior. For example, no one can start eating at the table until the most senior person starts. However, the most senior person can start eating way before anyone else is sitting at the table. Gladwell looked at Hofstede’s power distance index of various countries (click here to see Hofstede’s global PDI map). He found that Americans have a very low PDI, i.e., subordinates are very comfortable telling off a senior member whom they found to be wrong. However, even in the U.S., lower-ranked pilots would still at times have trouble telling the captain that there was a problem so that new training required that a lower-ranked U.S. pilot would try 3 times to convince a senior pilot that what he was doing was dangerous and if he could not that he would simply take over the cockpit.
Korean Airlines has become one of the safest airlines today because of a radical overhaul to the culture. All KAL pilots must be fluent in English, which helps them communicate better with international air-traffic control and also minimize the PDI issues. They also trained with U.S. pilots to start breaking down long-held PDI structures.
I have told this story to all of my staff so that they do not engage in a PDI issue with me. I need to know honestly what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong. I have asked them to run my ship with frank candor. I do not hire “Yes Men” and I do not want a “Yes Men” mentality to hold sway over my ship. I have asked the same candor from my patients. Open dialogue is the key to any relationship by breaking down the PDI at a fundamental level.
Thanking My Team
December 24, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
For those of you who keep up with my blogs, you will remember that 2 weeks ago I did a series of blogs on Malcolm Gladwell’s phenomenal new book, Outliers, in which he talks about how successful individuals come from a product of their environment. With that spirit, I would like to thank each and every one of my staff members who have made LFP a true success with doubling percentage growths every year.
Constanze- Thank you for helming my ship and getting rave reviews from patients about your wonderful stewardship of my practice. Your organizational skills, phone skills, and educated knowledge of LFP make you an indispensable part to what LFP is all about. Your honesty and integrity define my opinion of you. Your work ethic is unmatched. You don’t leave until the job is done and done right. You are truly a rare and precious gem. Thank you for all that you do.
Marcy- Miss Flipper, the co-pilot, you are an intelligent and passionate individual whom I hear every patient walking through the door who has spoken with you that you have blessed them in both your delivery and content. I appreciate your Internet and technology savvy and all that you have done for my business on that end. You are a remarkable individual who has made everything that I do easier and more streamlined.
Dianne- Despite some health issues this past year, you have triumphed in both spirit and form and you look like a new person coming back from Italy. That has made me smile inside deeply since you are part of our family. Your stepping in during this critical holiday time has been so appreciated that I cannot speak what I feel in words. Your raw intelligence exceeds mine and your leading my surgical team and surgical center is unparalleled. I don’t think I need to tell you that.
Beth- You are just a radiant jewel that shines like a beacon to my patients. As I say all the time, you singularly get more compliments from my patients than any other staff member. You garner that praise because it is well deserved. Your perioperative work to help my patients during a time that can be scary alleviates them of that fear and gives them a warm family touch that I am confident they would never receive in any surgery center or hospital. You define the patient experience and serve as an exemplar to all around you for your care, compassion, and selflessness.
Emina- You are one of a kind not in the U.S. but in the world. Your knowledge in hair restoration from the front end, back end, surgical side, leadership, staff training, staff inspiration gives you the deserved nickname, Yoda. You are such a precious asset to me that I cannot even begin to thank you enough for how you literally bleed for our patients. We deliver a singular experience and result and I am so appreciative of your vital component to that success.
Darla- You are so very very smart. I appreciate that intelligence and being as a worthy co-pilot during surgery. You lead my MAs very well, and your graft dissection skills are tremendous. I don’t know how to thank you for your stepping up whenever duty calls where you needn’t do that but you do. You just are a tremendous team player and focused on what we give our patients. I can’t simply thank you enough.
Vassilka- I love seeing you every day. Your kind heart and generosity of spirit are unmatched. I know you do so very many things for me that I can’t even begin to thank you for. Your delicate hands during hair restoration, your great number sense and graft calculation, and your impassioned dedication to be always the best even during your pregnancy not only means so much to me but to our deserving patients as well. I have a smile that goes deep to my soul each and every time I see you. You bring a light to my world and to LFP every day you are there. We all missed you so much during your maternity leave. You are simply a beautiful person.
Stephanie- Although you have been with us only for a few months, you have proven your salt in a relatively short time. Your dedication to excellence and your innate intelligence have won me over. I hope that you can envision a long career with us because I am so very deeply proud to have you on my team at LFP. Keep up the tremendous work and continue to dazzle me with your massive brain power! I am also keen on seeing your talented hands at work on some of the things we have you training to do.
Donna- You bring beauty and intelligence to the team. Even though you are only here a day a week, I think my entire team looks forward to your coming. You are truly very very bright and I admire that (I don’t just mean your movie trivia skills). Hopefully, as LFP grows, you can come on board more. I really love seeing your smile and your helping me so effortlessly navigate the preoperative waters in a thoughtful, unrushed, and warm-hearted way.
Linda- You have won my respect. Your leadership skills now going from MA to Spa Director are amazing. You lead by example, passion, and work ethic. You have done so much to take a disparate team and make it follow in sync behind you. I am so appreciative at your creative energy because you never cease to amaze me at all you do. Thank you for becoming my newest and extremely strong leader. I am so very proud of you and when I look at you every time you give me a wonderful sense of almost parental pride that I gave the keys to the right person.
Philip- You are truly a gem to my mom and me. I know that I do not even have to look at the accounts because you are truly one of the most honest individuals that I have met. You are an individual of high moral worth and you are also one that gives everything you got. Thank you so much for making LFP run like clock work. Your presence is always felt and your love for our family is profound as ours is for you.
Richard- Richard, you are so rare a person that I don’t think God ever would make another like you. You give, give, give, give, give, give, give and never take. You give so much that I feel this deep guilt of calling you. The reason that WBW was built so well was because of you but well beyond that the reason that it still runs owes EVERYTHING to you, and I mean everything. You are the great Atlas holding up the world of WBW. If you were not here, there would not be a building. You give my mom and me peace of mind and a warm heart. I simply love you and Catherine like family because you are. Thank you for being such an amazing individual. I don’t want to fill two pages here otherwise my other staff might get a bit jealous in how I feel about you.
Mom (Carol)- Last but not least, thank you for building this building, acquiring this land, and having blind faith in my skills and risking everything we have on my practice and me. Thank you for giving me life, and thank you for being a mom to all my staff who look to you for moral guidance, love, compassion, and leadership. You are such a rare mother that I could not even imagine anyone that would come close to you. Your business acumen, math sense, and salesmanship make WBW and LFP not only successful but fully thriving. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thanks to all my dear patients, clients, and patrons who frequent WBW, and I give back a touch of warmth and good spirit during this wonderful holiday season. All of you brighten my life and inspire me to be a better person and a better surgeon for you! Merry Christmas to all who celebrate Christmas and whatever religious persuasion you follow, I wish you the merriest holidays this season!
Our Brazilian Christmas!
December 22, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
For fans of the television comedy show (a Brit export or adaption should I say) the Office, you may recall a couple of weeks ago they had a Moroccan-themed Christmas party. Along those lines, LFP combined our holiday festivities with the Spa at Willow Bend to have a Brazilian-themed party. Fortunately, no one caught on fire unlike the TV show. That would have probably made it more interesting. Fortunately, we had Donna’s husband Mike, a fireman, present to control the festivities.
We all really had such a fun time, and the experience that my extended extended family shared was deeply enriching. I would also like to thank Waleska, from my spa, who is Brazilian for connecting us with Mario, a real-life gaucho. Interestingly, he is Japanese, as there is a huge Japanese community in Brazil. He cooked a wonderful assortment of meats including picanha (which is really the best piece of meat for all you churrascaria-rodizio fans out there), sirloin with garlic, beef ribs, bacon-wrapped chicken, whole chicken, and chicken hearts. (Make sure you offer a wish before you have the latter. They actually are delicious). I would like to say muito obrigado (Portuguese = thanks so much!) and gochiso-sama (Japanese = thank you for the great food) to Mario and his teammate Max. Waleska also created the famed Brazilian cocktail caipirinha for us. That was a real treat.
By combining the spa and LFP into one holiday event, I think we really all shared how much WBW is a single extended family. I get a tremendous kick seeing everyone in my building every day, and I am really happy we could have such a massive party together. Unfortunately, the cold breeze outside made it impossible to light the fire pit, but we all stayed warm inside. I hope all of you are having a fun time at your holiday events for the office or with your family and friends this season. I hope you enjoy our little video and photos of our holiday event!