Life in Perspective Part 4 of 4: Your Life in Whole
November 27, 2008 by dr. lam · Leave a Comment
There is nothing more sobering than thinking about writing your own eulogy or epitaph. What would it say? What is the reason that you were put on this planet? What do you want to be remembered by. Sometimes for clarity, I think if I were on my deathbed what would I want to be remembered by. I know many people think plastic surgery is a triviality. Those individuals that do not share my passion for changing people’s lives by bettering their aesthetic presence do not work for me, are not my patients, and really are not my friends. I have no problem with people who differ from me in their outlook in life but those who stay in my core share my vision and my passion. I would love to be remembered as a surgeon who always maintained his integrity with his patients, did what was right for them, and gave his entire breath to be the best on the planet by advancing the knowledge, science, and care for the facial plastic surgery patient. Of course, a chapter in my life that has not been accomplished is having a wonderful family of my own but I am confident that my dream will be realized one day. That is something that I know will become an essential part of how I would like to be defined and remembered.
I introduced briefly yesterday the concept of “purpose”. Yesterday’s blog however focused more specifically on the ideas of goal setting for one’s future, but the underlying meaning is why should you have goals. As alluded to, the goals are meant both for delayed gratification when they are attained but ultimately for a much longer delayed gratification which is when you pass on the question is have you left a legacy behind you that you would be proud of? Yesterday’s blog mentioned a “20-year goal”. However, the ultimate goal that hopefully should be kept in mind beyond 20 years down the road is how will that goal be evaluated when you pass on from this world. Would it not only have mattered to you but would it have mattered to any other living soul? That will help put your goals into perspective a bit. In a way putting your future goals in the past after you have achieved them is paramount.
My blog two days ago focused on the present time of seeing life as a journey. It really is. Life is meant to be savored, enjoyed, and experienced. When we remember an individual who passes from our presence, we hopefully don’t just remember their accomplishments but the journey they took with us. I remember when I was in college I made it a point that if I had a choice between studying or creating a memory with my friends, I would choose the latter. Because not only would I have some fun but I would remember that event and cherish it many years to come but I wouldn’t remember reading a dry text on Pascal’s Pensées. (Ultimately, yes, I did attend almost all my classes and was very applied in my studiousness too; and yes, I remember Pascal’s works.) Don’t pass up opportunities to create a richer life for yourself because you are overly bogged down by work. A balanced life is worth living.
Three days ago we talked about your past and how to learn from mistakes and how not to be imprisoned by past mistakes. My mother shared with me last night that her mother always lived in the past and that is how she remembers her. After the Communists took over China in 1949, my maternal grandmother lost her status, privilege, wealth, and all the trappings that defined her existence until that point. Upon arriving to Hong Kong and for the remainder of her life, she lived her life in bitter recollection of her glorious past so that her final years were a shadow of a previous existence. That is how my mother remembered her. When others sum up your total time on this planet, will they see you as a creature enslaved by past thoughts or a free bird that lived life gloriously and made an overwhelmingly positive impact to all those around you. Will you be like my maternal grandmother who dwelled on her lost baubles or will you be someone who made the best of the situation and looked forward to a better day?
I met with an individual last week, Jeff Crilley, who shared with me a lovely video that I think says it all. It’s called The Dash. Enjoy! And Happy Thanksgiving to all those who reside in the Unites States and celebrate this blessed holiday. For those who live outside of the U.S., I still wish you a Happy Thanksgiving too because we all should be thankful. To see what I am thankful for, you can read my new forum post on the subject.
Life in Perspective Part 3 of 4: Your Future
November 26, 2008 by dr. lam · 1 Comment
We talked yesterday about life being a journey and how to savor our present time. However, if life is a journey, where are we going? Some people who relish the present so much in a hedonistic fashion do not prepare for the future or have no idea where they are going. I think part of being on a journey is knowing what should be our life’s destination. Are we moving along a path toward a goal or just going in circles? Sometimes we try too hard to know our future, which is unknowable but I like the saying, “Chance favors the prepared mind.” If you are lackadaisically living entirely within the confines of the moment, you may not have a future that can sustain your present lifestyle.
Also, meaning in our life is defined by having a sense of purpose. We will talk about this more tomorrow. However, in short, we actually derive pleasure in life to know that what we are doing on a daily basis is meritorious and beneficial for others. I think even the most hedonistic, self-centered person can feel a sense of joy in having a defined purpose in life. It can also help us limit our present fears and vicissitudes in our emotions when we know firmly where we are going in life. What are your 5-year plans? What are your 10-year plans? What are your 20-year plans? Do you have them? I do.
Once you define your goals you should then divide them into your BHAG (big hairy audacious goal) — to steal a term from Jim Collins — and your smaller goals. These goals should fit within your vision of what you want to be. (See last week’s blogs to understand what I mean by vision.) Your BHAG is your dream, perhaps unattainable, perhaps unrealistic but who cares. My BHAG is to be a household name across the U.S. and the world in facial plastic surgery. My steps to get there are to continue video production to disseminate my knowledge as an immediate goal; continue to improve my website as a twin goal; write a major laypress book published by a major publishing house to define a new paradigm and aesthetic; and become a speaker in the lay circles (not just academia) in major venues in the coming 5 years. Those goals are my 5-year goals. MY BHAG is my 10-year goal. My 20-year goal is to attain another BHAG regarding expanding my concept of wellness and establishing a model for other surgeons, health-care professionals, and individuals related to the industry to follow. I think wellness is the future of health care in America and for most of the developed world out there. My passion is to see that what I have defined for the Willow Bend Wellness Center can be a replicable model, where we lead the industry by business acumen and vision.
If you laugh at my BHAGs, that is fine with me. I don’t. Discover your BHAGs but don’t live entirely for them. You must define small steps for you to attain your BHAGs, things that are attainable in the short term, measurable steps that are discernible through fixed metrics and time points. Be flexible to open yourself to new BHAGs or replace ones that simply don’t mean much to you anymore but don’t throw a BHAG away simply because you don’t think you will attain it.
Many times a BHAG is defined by money. I would say if you are a company, that may be okay. But I would argue that monetary goals should be short term metrics to attain a BHAG but not a BHAG. A BHAG should be a larger, all-encompassing vision that you as an individual or your company can follow, be inspired by, be motivated by, and live for. I always help those around me who are struggling with their BHAGs to define them by anything but money. I like to say, “Follow your passion and money will come. Follow money, and money will go.”
The core of any individual or business should be a burning passion. I recently had a fireplace with the glass shards (instead of the wood) made by an expert in these kinds of fireplaces. I asked the woman, Nadine, who designed the glass why do you do what you do. Her eyes lit up brighter than the fireplace and she said, “I’m 46 now and the vision came to me at 17 in a dream. I somehow knew that is what I needed to do.” She did not have to tell me that because when the fireplace was lit, I could see this broad beaming smile like a child captivated by her creation. It is the same smile that I have when I see my work.