Psycho-Cybernetics Part 9 of 30: Disney and Desire
May 19, 2009 by dr. lam · 5 Comments
When Walt Disney was seeking investors for his famed theme park, Disneyland, he was confronted with jeers and laughter about his fantastical, non-sensical idea. This pushed Disney to prove all his detractors wrong and to fulfill his life-long dream of opening and succeeding with his vision. The rest as they say is history.
Last week, we talked about how we should reprogram our unconscious servo-mechanism with an Automatic Success Mechanism. How do we do that? The answer is with deep desire. Desire motivates our thoughts. When we feel that we deeply want something bad enough, we overcome insurmountable odds. We overcome negative thinking, and we replace our Automatic Failure Mechanism with our Automatic Success Mechanism. We don’t take no for an answer.
Specifically then, how do we reprogram these negative thoughts? We focus on the end result. Of course, we have to have a desired end goal of what we want so that we can keep our eyes on the prize. Too often we are still plagued with the notions of what we don’t want. Instead, we should focus on what we do want…where our desires lead us. Starting with a deep desire for what we want to attain will create a powerful reprogramming of our unconscious mind. Remember that it is not force of will that Maltz talks about, i.e., it is not our conscious mind forcing us begrudgingly and exhaustingly forward. It is our conscious mind that sets our much more powerful unconscious mind into motion to lead us forward to success. Visualizing what we want every day can generate us to move forward in ways that we could not otherwise imagine.
Also remember that we talked about how our Creative Mechanism was the dividing element between us and the animals, i.e., how we enlist our imagination. Our imagination oftentimes is an unconscious attribute that is set in motion by our conscious mind. As a creative person myself, I open myself to inspiration and thoughts about everything. I move with a conscious desire toward my goals and my unconscious mind oftentimes gives me the answer that I was looking for.
As an example of this, in December 2006, I was interested in getting my name more broadly disseminated out to the world so I began to upload numerous videos that I felt passionately about on YouTube (currently I have 573 videos on the site with over 1.9 million views), at the time a nascent site that certainly was not used for promoting a plastic surgical practice. My mother and sister were both laughing at me at how I was wasting my time doing something so stupid. I was completely passionate that such a move might benefit my practice but just followed my heart and soul. Today YouTube accounts for the principle method by which I have a practice now that garners between 50 to 80% of my patients who have flown in from over 500 cities, 47 states, and from 18 countries for my services. Follow your heart and intuition against all odds.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 7 of 20: Living without Excess
April 7, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The 24th Verse:
If you stand on tiptoe, you cannot stand firmly.
If you take long steps, you cannot walk far.
Showing off does not reveal enlightenment.
Boasting will not produce accomplishment.
He who is self-righteous is not respected.
He who brags will not endure.
All these ways of acting are odious, distasteful.
They are superfluous excesses.
They are like a pain in the stomach,
a tumor in the body.
When walking the path of the Tao,
this is the very stuff that must be
uprooted, thrown out, and left behind.
Too often we live with too much pride and arrogance. We must feel that we are superior over others and live life with selfish disregard for all those around us. Do you live most of your day only looking at yourself? Are you overly focused on your own successes, trophies, goals, and gains? Have you thanked someone around you recently for being who they are in your life and contributing to this world?
Many of the books that I read must invariably decry plastic surgery as an excess. Obviously, I work with this paradox in which I talk about internal self-actualization and also disregard to ego. Perhaps that is ultimately a Tao principle of holding a paradox in your mind. However, I simply do not see it as a paradox. As I have repeatedly stated, plastic surgery done correctly and with correct moderation and perspective can change one’s life in a profound and tangible way. However, when we seek plastic surgery to fulfill an internal want that is absent then we are in trouble. I look at plastic surgery as a method for providing congruity between what we see in the mirror as what we feel in our heart. But when body dysmorphic disorder or overly obsessing over a body part leads to social crippling then we have crossed that fine line.
It is important that when we attain our own enlightenment that acquisition and acquisition and acquisition of material goods and status not be the motivating factor or dominating factor in our life. These blogs are meant to put you into a peaceful sense of gratitude for where you are and not where you need to be. Being a man of ambition almost my entire life, it has been a profound shift in my own paradigm not constantly to want and desire and be insatiable in my appetite for wanting more. Today I truly cherish where I am and what I have and am not in a desirous mood for this or that, certainly not as much as I did in the past.
Today it would be great if you could offer your gratitude (yes, a fourth blog indirectly on this important subject today) for where you are but even as importantly offer that gratitude for someone near you for who they are and how special they are to you. Offer that gratitude to someone you know or even you don’t know that well today.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 3 of 20: Living Humility
April 1, 2009 by dr. lam · 34 Comments
The 9th Verse of the Tao Te Ching:
To keep on filling
is not as good as stopping.
Overfilled, the cupped hands drip,
better to stop pouring.
Sharpen a blade too much
and its edge will soon be lost.
Fill your house with jade and gold
and it brings insecurity.
Puff yourself with honor and pride
and no one can save you from a fall.
Retire when the work is done;
this is the way of heaven.
I truly love the idea behind this verse. It tells us that enough is enough. Hording more acquisitions for the sake of doing so only leads to fear, insecurity, and pride. It leads to fearing the loss of these acquired goods that can in turn lead us to misery. I also like how Dyer focuses on eating. I have eaten many times after I was sated only later to regret it both in terms of how I felt afterward and the ineluctable weight gain thereafter. I am constantly reminded of the joy of eating just enough, wanting just enough, and being contented with everything.
How do I reconcile all of this with plastic surgery? Easily. I have many individuals who are obsessed with plastic surgery or become so. They know that I will only engage in things that will help them look and feel better about themselves but not in excessive things that waste money and create unchecked boundaries of ongoing want. In fact, I help guide them to what would be the best thing to make their external selves a reflection of their inner selves. We have talked about that in previous blogs. I am in love with the creative work in facial cosmetic enhancement because done in moderation and with skill and artistry, you can create a beauty that lovingly radiates to all those in their proximity.
The Power of Intention Part 9 of 10: Purpose
March 12, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The highest order of Abraham’s Maslow’s pyramid of self-actualization is to have purpose in life. However, whenever I address purpose, many people may start to get nervous. What purpose? To help the rain forest? To save the infirm and needy? To have a breakthrough scientific achievement? Well perhaps and perhaps not. Purpose oftentimes does not come to you with too much thought and anxiety. It should come to you when you connect with the universal power of intention, when you are calm, and when you are at peace.
I had a case where a woman was a victim of domestic abuse, and I was planning to do her procedure to help her. However, her story just did not make scientific sense. I will spare you the details because I would like to keep things with full anonymity here. I discussed this over with my staff and finally decided that I was going to do the case anyway for two reasons. First, my first and foremost goal for LFP is to help people. I don’t think I could live with myself if I made a false judgment and actually wound up not helping someone that I could have. Second, I believe that when someone comes into my presence for the day that I will change their life. I know that might sound arrogant to you but it is not coming from that. I am dismissing my ego. I am letting that go here. I know that many people that I encounter in my practice need me and I need to be there for them.
As much as I can help someone do something, I can also help them to see that they don’t need something. I had a lady who had a perceived physical defect of her lower face (we’ll keep it at that) and had spent a tremendous amount of money already trying to fix the problem. When I saw her, I couldn’t even begin to fathom the problem that she had because I couldn’t see it. I asked her, “Have you ever considered the option of NOT doing anything?” She started to cry for several minutes, and I embraced her. I felt all of her negative energy and perception start to leave her body. Helping others in whatever shape or form can be a noble cause and be the ultimate cause for any life. It is a singular purpose for me.
That being said, do we have to live a life of self-abnegation then? No, in fact, we must start with ourselves. Dyer talks about first loving yourself and healing yourself before you can do that for those around you. It is similar to the idea that I presented a few weeks ago from John Maxwell about “leading yourself” first before you can lead others. You must first help yourself then help others. Dyer talks about “self respect” which comes from a simple truism, “I love myself”. This does not mean that we are focused on ego (on the contrary) but a perception of ourselves that is filled with an ideal image of ourselves. I have tried to stop saying to people, “I’m not perfect” because it goes against our own creation and the perfect image that we should have in our own Creator’s eyes. Instead I am perfect in the light of my own creation and thereby perfect in how I see myself.
When I work on my patients, they understand that I am not trying to make them a perfect human species but to offer them the objective of looking good outside that can reflect their own inner beauty. I think a patient from Arkansas said it best in a testimonial to me:
As the years have rolled by, the man in the mirror had seemed to age more rapidly and less gracefully than I had hoped. I still felt young, active and maybe a bit adventuresome, but the droopy eyes, wrinkles and hollow face did not reflect that. I earnestly wanted to look more like the mental image I had of myself.
One of my greatest concerns before my surgery was that I might be giving a wrong impression of being tired, inattentive or even bored while speaking with friends, family members or patients. (The sagging skin on my eyelids made me look like all of the above most days!) That really bothered me because I never wanted anyone to think I had a haughty attitude or what they had to say was unimportant to me.
With these issues I landed in your office, not at all sure that there was a solution for me that did not involve changing my identity or doing something really radical. I need not have worried. You seem to have understood my concerns better than I did. Your solution addressed all these needs better than I was able to express them.
I am honored to help my dear patients and those patients who are not yet mine to create a beautiful self image that reflects their own inner beauty. My purpose in life is to help others through as many ways that I can: plastic surgery, psychotherapy, empathy, listening, and simply put, extending my love to them.
Buy•ology Part 5 of 5: Does Sex Sell?
February 13, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
This is an age-old question and one that piques many individuals’ curiosity. Lindstrom argues in Buy•ology that sex can actually serve to distract a buyer from buying, especially men. In one study, provocative images of women distracted male viewers so much that they barely could remember the brand, the logo, or the message. Only 9.8% of them remembered what the ad was selling versus 20% in non-provocative ads. He terms this the “vampire effect” in that the attention of the male viewer is sucked away from the brand by the erotic image.
He then talks about the king of sex in advertising, Calvin Klein, and looks at how controversy has sold jeans and various other apparel very well for decades starting back in the 80s with the famous Brooke Shields’ commercial, “Nothing comes between me and my Calvins.” He goes on to discuss how Abercrombie and Fitch as well as a newbie American Apparel have done very well financially using sex as a potent vehicle in their advertising. He then reconciles this seeming paradox that sometimes sex works and sometimes it doesn’t by suggesting that when controversy arises that it can favorably help a brand whereas when it does not do that it would fail and only serve as a distraction. He also simply shrugs it off and says sex only can sell sex and nothing else. I would argue that Lindstrom is right and he is wrong. The examples of Calvin Klein, Abercrombie and Fitch, and American Apparel ARE selling sex since clothes really are a manifestation of how we communicate our sexuality to the opposite sex (or to your own, depending on your orientation). I think controversy is certainly part of the story, but I think that all of his examples point to a simple fact that clothes are selling sex in a way.
He then looked at how women were attracted to certain types of female models. He found that the more provocative and underdressed a woman was, the more that the female respondents were adversely repulsed. However, when the model was wholesome, unadorned, and fullly clothed, the women responded favorably to the model.
The next question then is does a celebrity help to sell a product or hurt it? Lindstrom found that in many cases the über-attractive faces of George Clooney and Nicole Kidman actually acted like the previously mentioned vampire effect, i.e., it sucked the attention of a viewer away from the ad and made it less memorable. All the viewer could remember was the celebrity and not the message. For example, a series of anti-smoking campaigns in England with John Cleese were only remembered for the distracting elements of humor and the celebrity himself but the message of not smoking was entirely missed or forgotten, eclipsed by the distracting presence of the humorous Cleese.
Then do we respond better to real-life individuals rather than models? Well yes and no. Lindstrom found that when real-life individuals were used in ad campaigns, we responded to them better because we viewed them as authentic rather than contrived like a celebrity endorsement. However, Victoria Secret ads with women wearing lingerie still have a powerful effect in our psyche for the simple reason that we want to be that model or be with that model, which brings us back full circle to Monday’s blog that focused on mirror neurons. Just as we want to be cool by buying Apple products or wearing a certain label, our mirror neurons are triggered when we see a cool or attractive person that we want to be.
Clearly, the answer about how sex in advertising works is much more complicated than a one-word, yes or no response. Gender-specific, context-specific, and many other factors come into play when answering that question. I think when thinking of plastic surgery that “selling sex” in the classic sense is not what it is directly about but selling attraction and confidence. Of course, an aesthetic result should be precisely that, aesthetic. I think we must be drawn to the after result so long as that after result is real and uncontrived (not a glamour shot, ugh!). Too often, when my patients come in for what bothers them it is focused on things that will make no overall aesthetic impact whatsoever so my obligation is to refocus on how to get them to simply look more attractive to their spouse, colleagues, loved ones, and social/professional encounters. If you are not drawn to my after results from attraction, then you should not choose me as a surgeon.