Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 20 of 20: Living Without Resentments
April 24, 2009 by dr. lam · 6 Comments
The 79th Verse:
After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.
What can one do about it?
Being content with what you have
is always best in the end.
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,
or hostility will never turn to goodwill.
So the wise always gives without expecting gratitude.
One with true virtue
always seeks a way to give.
One who lacks true virtue
always seeks a way to get.
To the giver comes the fullness of life;
to the taker, just an empty hand.
This dichotomy of the world between givers and takers is a wonderful way to see the universe and how you fit in it. When I begin each day, I hope for the chance to help heal someone emotionally, physically, or both. My mission is to give. Too often when a plastic surgeon looks at a patient, he sees a potential source of revenue, i.e., to take. I love the idea that each patient that I have can be a recipient of my giving and not a conduit for me to make more money. Yes, of course, plastic surgery is my business, but I look at my life’s mission as something truly deeper and more profound.
In addition, this verse talks about how we can harbor resentment after a quarrel because we end quarrels with a mutually negative termination. We refuse to give up a position, and we must put our ego on the offensive and the defensive. We believe we have the right to be upset because of someone else’s actions or words. I like what Dyer says, “Make this your standard response to any future altercations: I end on love, no matter what!” As stated in Lao-Tzu’s other verses, we should return kindness for any unkindness that we receive. By being a giver and openly giving of ourselves, especially our love, we simply let go of ego so that no conflicts arise in front of us and therefore resentment never builds.
Today, don’t start a conflict. If a conflict is started, look for ways to end it with kindness and love. Rather than be angry at the world, be loving. Rather than to take from others today, look for ways to give of yourself without the expectation of gratitude or praise.
I hope all of you have enjoyed and learned as much from this masterful book of 81 verses as I have. This month-long meditation has been filtered through Dyer then filtered again through me. I chose only 20 of the 81 verses that had personal resonance for me and that I thought would be helpful for all of you as well. I encourage all of you to read the Tao Te Ching in full and perhaps select your own verses that can help you with your daily life. These verses are the ones that I needed to learn from and wanted to share with you.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 18 of 20: Living by Being Here Now
April 22, 2009 by dr. lam · 2 Comments
The 64th Verse:
What is at rest is easily managed.
What is not yet manifest is easy to prevent.
The brittle is easily shattered;
the small is easily scattered.
Act before things exist;
manage them before there is disorder.
Remember:
A tree fills a man’s embrace grows from a seedling.
A tower nine stories high starts with one brick.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Act and destroy it;
grasp and lose it.
The sage does not act, and so is not defeated.
He does not grasp and therefore does not lose.
People usually fail when they are on the verge of success.
So give as much care at the end as at the beginning,
then there will be no future.
The sage does not treasure what is difficult to attain.
He does not collect precious things;
he learns not to hold on to ideas.
He helps the 10,000 things find their own nature
but does not venture to lead them by the nose.
The most famous line of the Tao Te Ching is “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Meditate on that single line today. We forget that to run a marathon requires taking a first step. To create a forest requires planting the first seedling. Procrastination should be avoided and we should plunge forward with our first steps in the direction we so desire by exercising the power of intention we discussed several weeks ago.
If we are suffering with an addiction or a bad habit, we need not promise ourselves that we won’t ever do that bad habit again. Instead, we compel ourselves not to do that habit or addiction today. We take that first step and focus entirely on today. We renew that pledge daily with ourselves. If we see a daunting and overwhelming task in front of us that bedevils us with its inherent complexity, we break that assignment into manageable smaller steps and proceed forward in a methodical fashion.
Also, we attempt to “act before things exist; manage them before there is disorder” so that if we live a Tao-centered life, we slowly move forward toward a direction we desire before a crisis occurs. We don’t allow a situation to become a crisis because we manage it daily with small steps moving forward. Sense disorder before it arises because “the small is easily scattered” and “what is not yet manifest is easy to prevent.” As Dyer says, “Become a master anticipator.”
Also enjoy the little steps that you take on your journey. You have heard me mention countless times that these blogs do not represent a destination but a journey which all of you are on with me. With the Power of Now in full force, we simply live each day (each step) with abundant joy as we move along in our life’s journey.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 17 of 20: Living by Remaining Low
April 21, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The 61st Verse:
A great country is like the lowland,
toward which all streams flow.
It is the reservoir of all under heaven,
the feminine of the world.
The female overcomes the male with stillness,
by lowering herself through her quietness.
So if a great country lowers itself before a small one,
it wins friendship and trust.
And if a small country can lower itself before a great one,
it will win over that “great” country.
The one wins by stooping;
the other, by remaining low.
Two of the omnipresent symbols that Lao-Tzu uses are the feminine and water, which he enlists with great effect in this verse. The oceans rest lower than the streams so all the waters lead into the mighty ocean. Accordingly, when we quietly exert our presence, people and things are drawn to us. Similarly, the feminine or yin energy is a quiet and friendly one compared with the male-dominating yang. Oftentimes we are led to believe that to succeed we must leverage our yang energy but that oftentimes pushes people away from us. In history, when a leader would subjugate another people by force, it would lead to brutality, which would invariably lead to a returned brutality and self annihilation. Instead the feminine or yin energy leads by quiet example rather than forceful intervention. This type of leadership creates a more lasting and peaceful condition that continues to grow and mature rather than be fought and destroyed over time.
It is interesting because I radiate a very quiet yin energy, and I think that is why more women are drawn to me than men. I lead through a quiet presence rather than a forceful one. My staff and I are like a unified family rather than a totalitarian regime in which I rule by force of will. That kind of yang energy will be short lived and lead to mutual dissolution.
In some of the verses of the Tao Te Ching that I did not cover in this blog series, Lao-Tzu discusses how the yin energy is more in harmony with nature, which is a central tenet of his philosophical thesis. He looks at this “Divine Mother” as a life-giving source of all things. Being harmonious with nature means being in harmony with your yin energy. As you have progressed over this month (and many previous months), I have focused on many precepts that are of essence yin in nature. Today, quietly lead others by your yin energy and draw them to you like streams to an ocean rather than through force of will.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 16 of 20: Living with Immunity to Evil
April 20, 2009 by dr. lam · 4 Comments
The 60th Verse:
Governing a large county
is like frying a small fish.
You spoil it with too much poking.
Approach the universe with the Tao
and evil will have no power.
Not that evil is not powerful,
but its power will not be used to harm others.
Not only will it not do harm to others,
but the sage himself will also be protected.
If only the ruler and his people would
refrain from harming each other,
all the benefits of life would accumulate
in the kingdom.
This is similar to previous verses on returning unkindness with kindness, but I have chosen it because I think there is a deeper truth herein. If we simply do not accept that evil can befall us or that evil words can harm us, we have a level of immunity that is profound. If someone screams an injurious word against us, we let it pass by and around us. We return a kind smile and loving thought, and we become immune to that person’s negativity. We cannot be abused because we radiate love. Evil has no impact on us because we do not live in that world. We are on a different planet all together.
I was in the parking lot at the local mall, and I saw one lady almost hit the car of another lady. One lady was screaming at the other, and the other lady returned her volley. Honking ensued, and various other profanities emanated. I walked peacefully by and actually could not even feel any disarray in my emotions or thoughts. When we allow the world’s news of chaos and disaster to take our soul, we become subjugated by evil. It soaks into our pores. However, when we release all evil thoughts and not accept them even when they are targeted against us, we enter a truly peaceful state in which we are entirely immune from the slings and arrows of evildom.
Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life Part 15 of 20: Living by Silent Knowing
April 17, 2009 by dr. lam · 8 Comments
The 56th Verse:
Those who know do not talk.
Those who talk do now know.
Block all the passages!
Close your mouth,
cordon off your senses,
blunt your sharpness,
untie your knots,
soften your glare,
settle your dust.
This is the primal union or the secret embrace.
One who knows this secret is not moved by attachment or aversion,
swayed by profit or loss,
nor touched by honor or disgrace.
He is far beyond the cares of men
yet comes to hold the dearest place in their hearts.
This, therefore, is the highest state of man.
The first two lines of this verse are the most famous of the entire Tao Te Ching and have been oft quoted to the point of banality: ”Those who know do not talk. Those who talk do now know.” Perhaps hackneyed to death, we can still extrapolate profound wisdom by seeing the truth in their words. We very much become soothed by the loudest and clearest voice. I certainly do not want to be viewed as a brash or overly emphatic ringleader to a contrived community. Rather than being in love with me as a person, look at me as a vehicle for your personal growth. Take me entirely out of this equation as a person, as someone to be spoken highly of, to be adored. I would like for me, Sam Lam, to be part of this community rather than only be viewed as an exceptional mouthpiece. As I have repeatedly stated, these blogs are letters written to myself to improve me first. You are just reading my open letters to myself. Seeing things that way I hope you will ride on this journey with me rather than follow me in any perverse cultish way. There are too many vocal ringleaders out there. Please take me off that pedestal, and let’s make this journey as colleagues toward a wonderful present and a beautiful future.
Let’s be silent today and let our inner voice shine rather than our loud obnoxious one. Usually the loudest voice in the room is the one we should not listen to. It is one that projects his own insecurities to everyone around himself. It is a voice that tries to own your opinions and your mind. It is there to assume power and reign over you, and no one should do that. Be silent and listen to the silence of those around you. The most silent individual in your proximity may actually bear the most wisdom.