The Art of Possibility 13 of 15: Second Fiddle-itis
February 9, 2010 by dr. lam
Second fiddle-itis is commonly known as playing second fiddle. The second violinists are oftentimes viewed as inconsequential players in an orchestra. However, Zander looks to them for the same leadership and contribution as the first violinists. Many times their contribution can bring out the majesty in a musical piece that would not otherwise be there.
How often do we think what we do is inconsequential? “Oh, what she does is so much more important than what I do. I am just here passing my time to get to a better place in life.” If we start to think about how we can contribute in any small or big ways, we can get over our second fiddle-itis and begin to make a difference in our life and those who are fortunate enough to meet us.
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9 Responses to “The Art of Possibility 13 of 15: Second Fiddle-itis”
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What a wise, no nonsense thoughts.
We live in a society that tends to dismiss or belittle “second fiddlers”. The philosphy “everyone remembers who is first or did something first, not the second” has the advantage of encouraging us to strive for the best (we can do or be), but that “wish” or tendency must be moderated by a realization that we can’t be first at everything… even SHOULD NOT… in some ways, maybe we will help more or are meant to help more by “being second fiddlers”.
Not to mention that striving for perfection, if not in balance, can lead to perfectionism (that, to me, is not the same than striving for perfection – perfectionism becomes paralyzing, a flaw… but seeking always bettering oneself, that is good).
I also believe it is an important message to spread, because there are people who are naturally oriented to be second fiddlers and do their best in that role (contributing with and to what the “leading” people are -in a way being leaders in their own field, even if not in the main role)., yet, they are often pressured (especially if they are good at what they do as contributors and not “first figures) to take on bigger roles, that are actually not suited to them.
A personal story. I have always been aware that I like working in teams. I don’t like to be “bossed around” in an arbitrary and dictatorial way. But I like to have a leader and help the leader, so to speak. I am naturally good at leading people to work in teams FOR a purpose, but not to be the leader on itself. I sensed it even during my University years. It was an intuition. Life has turns and at one point, because I was good as a “second”, I was given a place as a “first”. I was Chief Librarian somewhere important here. A bigger pay was a motivation for me to accept it (I really needed it back then) and sure enough, I like challenges. But something in my heart told me that I would not enjoy it. And it was indeed so. I did well my job… well enough. Not my best. Because my heart was not into being THE boss. It just did not fit my own forms of leadership and my own ways of helping better at working in team, achieving goals, etc. Giving orders or taking some initiatives was not as fun as helping plan them or put them into practice. I was spending a lot of time playing roles that did not fit my real abilities (say, spent time with administrative paperwork, with solving interpersonal problems linked to working schedules and other “stuff” not really related to the core of my call and my work). I did not like it and was happy when I changed jobs.
Being first fiddler might have suited others, and I think I did a good job, but my heart was not in it ,and for that I KNOW I did not do my best in those times. Gladly that happened for a short time because I had that intuition of what was wrong.
Even TODAY, both a work and other activities (activism in other areas) I am often asked to play first fiddler. I must resist each time, or almost. It is not about not believing in myself. It is about believing that I am first fiddler in my own “second role”, that I do best. I often get weird stares or people do not understand me. I have seen other people succomb to the pressure and start doing things they were not sure they wanted to take over, leaving something they were sure they liked. And they, indeed, tend to not do brilliantly. So it is important to make this message clear and to remind ourselves that our way to contributing and of being leaders of our OWN LIFE and our OWN GOALS does not have to be linked to a role or “position” that says “you are the chief here” or “the first”. It can be being the best at a second, third or fourth fiddler. It can also mean changing roles. It is about listening to ourselves and learning what we can do and where we will do our best.
The confirmation I got from Life/God that I had done right by leaving that job and playing a more “modest” role in another job was that in that job, as a “second fiddler” I was asked one time to look for some information. My role was secondary, and yet… the info I found, HAPPILY, was the key element that was used in some surgery that saved a kid’s life. I am not saying I saved him. Sure not. But my role was key in others being able to help him. I would not have had that chance if I had had another sort of job with a more “first fiddler” role, because I would have had to be occupied in other things. To me, that was God’s way of telling me: “there you see, follow your gut: if you feel you are ok and meant to work in the shadow, so be it… you can do a lot from there”.
Again, I am not dismissing the importance to striving for getting as far as we can, do as best as we can. It is only not assuming that for that we must reach the top position in a job, place, activity. It can be reached in other ways, with other roles. And it will be just as useful.
Also, it is while we are second fiddlers to good leaders that we learn the most skills to be better at what we do, and in turn lead other people.
Great, great entry, thank you Dr Lam.
here’s to second fiddlers!!!
That was good to read, M.A.. Abrazos!
Love it when you comment, Mysteryagain!!! Thanks for sharing!
Hey, M.A., want to get a gravatar?
Important message here, Dr. Lam!!! You’re so good at creating blogs that bring up new concepts!!! Just amazing!
Keep rockin’ folks!!!
My DD plays in the band. Brass instrument. She was elated earlier this year to be first chair. We heard a lot of sound rising out of that instrument-we were pleased she enjoyed it. She got busy with sports and fell off practicing, slipped to third chair, yada yada. Got mad about that, (perfectionistic tendencies) worked hard-back to first, later second…..just on and on.
There is good benefit to wanting something and knowing you must work (and suffer, at times) to get it. Yes, I know I’m trying to go a whole other way here, but there ARE several ways to look at this, no?
Excellent blog.
Thanks.
no problem with the interpretation nord. thanks!
Thanks for the warm comments! Working on getting my gravatar now
Great Nord!!!
Nice gravatar M.A.!!! 
love the gravatar too MA!